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My ex girlfriend and I just broke up recently. So yes, I am still struggling with things, and it feels good to get things off my chest and ask questions about some stuff that I have been wondering about myself.
She has done some really weird things to me. Its a long story so I won't go into detail, but she seemed to be very selfish and inconsiderate of my feelings, and didn't take much responsibility for her actions during the relationship. Lied to me, and possibly did stuff behind my back. She was good about talking to me about any issues she was having, but most of her issues were because she was overly sensitive.
She's been cheated on in the past, and another boyfriend was verbally abusive. She used me as a rebound and is probably using another guy as a rebound.
Clearly I need to re-evaluate myself for getting with a girl like this, but my question is:
Why do people like her never seem to get into a normal relationships?
Does the over sensitive nature have anything to do with her being cheated on or being verbally abused?
I'm interested in knowing some psychology behind these questions as well. Thank you for your answers.
It's not your fault that she has issues. The best thing you can do for yourself, psychologically, is close that door behind you and stop worrying about it.
Go get some exercise. Start running, playing basketball, or brisk walking. Get your mind out of its funk.
My ex girlfriend and I just broke up recently. So yes, I am still struggling with things, and it feels good to get things off my chest and ask questions about some stuff that I have been wondering about myself.
She has done some really weird things to me. Its a long story so I won't go into detail, but she seemed to be very selfish and inconsiderate of my feelings, and didn't take much responsibility for her actions during the relationship. Lied to me, and possibly did stuff behind my back. She was good about talking to me about any issues she was having, but most of her issues were because she was overly sensitive.
She's been cheated on in the past, and another boyfriend was verbally abusive. She used me as a rebound and is probably using another guy as a rebound.
Clearly I need to re-evaluate myself for getting with a girl like this, but my question is:
Why do people like her never seem to get into a normal relationships?
Does the over sensitive nature have anything to do with her being cheated on or being verbally abused?
I'm interested in knowing some psychology behind these questions as well. Thank you for your answers.
The notion of a " normal " relationship is purely subjective as people's perception of it differs
The main reason though is because they either don't or won't work on their own issues and still enter a relationship which naturally does have some bearing on the relationship and the partner.. ( unfair IMO )
However as for her being over sensitive it's logical and understandable that after a bad experience or past that they would think the worst and be on guard.
Some people who have low self esteem enter relationships that provide a lot of drama. It reinforces their idea that they are worthless. I was one of these people. I dated nice guys and would purposefully start drama because they "bored" me with how nice they were. I was so down in the dumps and emotionally numb that I needed someone who got me so worked up and upset to feel anything, so I tended to chase down jerks.
I'm so happy I finally ended that phase of my life. It was really awful for me, and for the nice guys I ran over in my path. I dated some really awful men and had some awful things said to me for a lot of years.
I did end up apologizing to the nice guys over the years (there were really only 2) because I felt so stupid. They both accepted my apology because they are still nice guys, heh.
A lot of people can't/refuse to let go of their baggage. It's unfortunate, but it's not your fault and you can't fix anyone. I had one of my ex's clearly see what was going on in me with my baggage, but there was no way in heck he was convincing me to get help and change my life. I had to fall on my face 20 times before I woke up one day and decided I was done with it.
Unless you have been in an abusive relationship it's difficult to understand.
To try to summarise it, when you are the victim, you adopt behaviours to protect yourself.
After the relationship ends, if these behaviours continue, then they can appear as tho you are abusive.
As a victim it's easy to become detached from reality and to switch off your emotions.
It can be difficult to switch them back on.
Also your perspective of what is normal and appropriate becomes skewed
Most abuse stems from insecurity. Perhaps abusers have had controlling parents or been bullied themselves
However, it's not uncommon for a narcissist to constantly blame others for their behaviour and never assume responsibility for their own actions.
It's entirely possible your ex was lying.
My crazy ex always gave me all these sob stories about how she had been abused. As it turned out, she was the abuser.
My ex girlfriend and I just broke up recently. So yes, I am still struggling with things, and it feels good to get things off my chest and ask questions about some stuff that I have been wondering about myself.
She has done some really weird things to me. Its a long story so I won't go into detail, but she seemed to be very selfish and inconsiderate of my feelings, and didn't take much responsibility for her actions during the relationship. Lied to me, and possibly did stuff behind my back. She was good about talking to me about any issues she was having, but most of her issues were because she was overly sensitive.
She's been cheated on in the past, and another boyfriend was verbally abusive. She used me as a rebound and is probably using another guy as a rebound.
Clearly I need to re-evaluate myself for getting with a girl like this, but my question is:
Why do people like her never seem to get into a normal relationships?
Does the over sensitive nature have anything to do with her being cheated on or being verbally abused?
I'm interested in knowing some psychology behind these questions as well. Thank you for your answers.
You dodged a bullet!!!
I know someone that was always in abusive relationships and at first you felt sorry for them. Then you realize it's them. They are the common denominator to the bad relationships.
Some people who have low self esteem enter relationships that provide a lot of drama. It reinforces their idea that they are worthless. I was one of these people. I dated nice guys and would purposefully start drama because they "bored" me with how nice they were. I was so down in the dumps and emotionally numb that I needed someone who got me so worked up and upset to feel anything, so I tended to chase down jerks.
I'm so happy I finally ended that phase of my life. It was really awful for me, and for the nice guys I ran over in my path. I dated some really awful men and had some awful things said to me for a lot of years.
I did end up apologizing to the nice guys over the years (there were really only 2) because I felt so stupid. They both accepted my apology because they are still nice guys, heh.
A lot of people can't/refuse to let go of their baggage. It's unfortunate, but it's not your fault and you can't fix anyone. I had one of my ex's clearly see what was going on in me with my baggage, but there was no way in heck he was convincing me to get help and change my life. I had to fall on my face 20 times before I woke up one day and decided I was done with it.
Oh so that's what it is. I was wondering what the heck was up with a couple girls I dated years ago. It was as if they were trying to fight for no reason.
I have found it relatively common that many women have men aligned so that if a relationship goes sour, or if they believe they have a better opportunity with another man, they can make a relatively seamless transition to another relationship.
I think tail tell signs that your relationship is on the end of the ropes is when the girl gets hypercritical, disrespectful, etc. The psychology is shift the burden of who's the bad guy and the victim by putting pressure on the guy to break up with the girl. If he does she won't be single long. The insurance policy was set up long ago.
So from a single man's perspective in today's age, why not be one of those that is available when things go south in the relationship? Works for a little while at least, but in today's society most relationships are becoming more and more temporary anyways.
My ex girlfriend and I just broke up recently. So yes, I am still struggling with things, and it feels good to get things off my chest and ask questions about some stuff that I have been wondering about myself.
She has done some really weird things to me. Its a long story so I won't go into detail, but she seemed to be very selfish and inconsiderate of my feelings, and didn't take much responsibility for her actions during the relationship. Lied to me, and possibly did stuff behind my back. She was good about talking to me about any issues she was having, but most of her issues were because she was overly sensitive.
She's been cheated on in the past, and another boyfriend was verbally abusive. She used me as a rebound and is probably using another guy as a rebound.
Clearly I need to re-evaluate myself for getting with a girl like this, but my question is:
Why do people like her never seem to get into a normal relationships?
Does the over sensitive nature have anything to do with her being cheated on or being verbally abused?
I'm interested in knowing some psychology behind these questions as well. Thank you for your answers.
She had either an abusive father or one who was not available to her growing up. She now picks guys who don't treat her well in an attempt to re-enact that dynamic in the subconscious attempt to have a different outcome.
She couldn't treat you normally because she can't handle the intimacy of a close relationship with someone who treated her well.
You, on the other, should look at your own issues if you have a pattern of picking girls like this.
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