Should I move to across the country and leave my wife and son behind?

[kygman]

Originally Posted by Motorblaster

Thank you for your initial responses. I hear you but regarding my marriage I think we are just going to stay separated. More and more people are just opting to do that today instead of a divorce where all your money just goes to the lawyers. I intend to cover them with my medical insurance and all my money will go to them except for my rent and small expenses.

If you know the marriage is gone there's no need to drag it on the way you're talking about doing. If the two of you can sit down and work things out on paper for a divorce, you can take that to the court house and in, I think, 90 days, you're divorce it final and no lawyer was involved. I have 2 family members and a friend who have done this and everybody walked away happy.

[RamenAddict]

Maybe I'm missing how moving away from the wife to an entirely new city is going to solve the problem in a way that staying in town and moving out will not? It's not like the OP is going to be a great catch in either place if he is not divorced. The OP can say what he wants about it being common not to get divorced to avoid paying alimony or whatever, but what woman is going to want a relationship with someone who isn't available? I think of very few. That is a big red flag in my mind. He'd be even less appealing if he refused to divorce and moved clear across the country away from his kid.

Money just goes to the lawyers if you want to contest the divorce. If you are amicable about it, it really shouldn't cost that much money.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by RamenAddict

Maybe I'm missing how moving away from the wife to an entirely new city is going to solve the problem in a way that staying in town and moving out will not? It's not like the OP is going to be a great catch in either place if he is not divorced. The OP can say what he wants about it being common not to get divorced to avoid paying alimony or whatever, but what woman is going to want a relationship with someone who isn't available? I think of very few. That is a big red flag in my mind. He'd be even less appealing if he refused to divorce and moved clear across the country away from his kid.

Money just goes to the lawyers if you want to contest the divorce. If you are amicable about it, it really shouldn't cost that much money.

A better job with growth opportunities (which are not available at OP's current job) were offered in two different locales, that's what it's about.

[Motorblaster]

Wow.. you guys are vicious.. Well thanks, I did read everything. I'm not being cold and calloused. I do plan to support two households my new place and my old place, hence the interest in making more money. Here are some additional facts:

So many people said I didn't mention my son. Well, I don't have an issue with him it's the wife that's the problem. Actually me and him get along great in a different way. He sings and I play guitar, we are sort of in a band together just me and him.

But something did happen that changed my mind...
The other day I was telling my son I put in for that job in Santa Monica. A few days later he asked me about it again and said I may have to come home only on the weekends.

And he asked, "Why not everyday?" and then he went on to plan a public transportation route which would require me to take a train and then another train. I told him, it would take 4 hours one way, and it's not practical.

Then I said, "Wait, are you gonna miss me if I don't come home everyday?". Then he looked away and said, "of course" in a somber tone, as if I should have known that.

And then he actually said, "let's move to NC because then we can all be together instead of you coming home only on the weekends".

This is when I realized that I actually am 32 going on 19.

Well I will do what I can to stay close to him and not abandon him but do realize this does happen to many fathers where they only come home on the weekends due to work.

For the first 3-4 years of my life my grandma raised me not my parents. I actually grew up thinking my grandma was my mom then at 3 or 4 they had to reintroduce me to my parents and say, "this is your mom and this is your dad". Then around 2nd grade, I was sent to a boarding school which lasted less than a month cause I got so sick that my parents brought me back home. Even today when I ask my dad, "why did you send me to a boarding school in the second grade?" He says, "I asked you and you said you wanted to go." And I have to remind him, "dad, I was in the second grade. I thought it was a picnic or something". So I don't have a good relationship with my parents. Then when I was 9 to 11 my father left the country and it was pretty bad for me and for one of those years my mom was in another state and I was living with my grandma and I was only 10. Come to think of it, having been abandoned multiple times, I do understand, I'm not cold to the issue of abandonment. Like I said, I've changed my mind now.

Since my wife said it is ok to find a girlfriend. I think whatever I do, I can still stay close to my family but I just need to find a women who understands my situation. My wife hates me, I'm convinced there is nothing I can do to undo this, I've tried just about everything.

Thanks for all your answers.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Motorblaster

Since my wife said it is ok to find a girlfriend. I think whatever I do, I can still stay close to my family but I just need to find a women who understands my situation. My wife hates me, I'm convinced there is nothing I can do to undo this, I've tried just about everything.

Thanks for all your answers.

This is interesting. So what happens when your son goes off to college? Is this a way simply to postpone a divorce? Or do you both see staying together for the very long haul?