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But I find if I hold the mystery off too long I become creepy. Advice?
I think common courtesy should prevail on both sides. Both parties should ask about each other, and allow for plenty of give and take. You'd think this would be obvious, but no; common sense isn't so common, as the saying goes.
And if someone starts to drone on, and doesn't let the other get a word in edgewise, the other person should have a shrill whistle on hand that functions as the official dating signal that their dating partner has overstepped his/her bounds and must stop talking. Or a siren. No, that might alarm people. We'll stick to a whistle. If they accidentally left their whistle at home, and they happen to be in a restaurant, dating protocol would allow them to get a pie from the kitchen and throw it across the table at the motor-mouth.
Just as many women are guilty of many of the same things. They are usually the ones who label themselves as independent and think they can't get a second date because they intimidate men.
BTW, the boy-men are the ones who whine because they can't get a first date.
Honestly, the opening post appears to be blatant male bashing to me.
Every word of that post could have been written in general terms not specifically to *men*.
Life issues are not gender specific however, bashing one or the other seems to happen easily.
Edited to add:
I do wonder why every post in regards to men who have dating issues ends with *get out of mom's basement*, etc.
Where do the women who have the same dating issues crawl out from?
Oh, the anguish of those of you who can't get a second date! Here's Zenstyle to the rescue wth some much-needed advice.
On the first date:
1. Stop talking about yourself.
2. Stop talking about your car.
3. Stop talking about your job.
4. Somewhere in the conversation, when she makes a point, admit: "You know, I never thought of it that way."
5. Admit that YOU DON'T KNOW about a particular topic or subject.
6. Ask her opinions, her outlook, her aspirations.
7. Speak well of other women; your sisters, your friends, your classmates or co-workers.
8. Do not interrupt her when she's speaking.
8. Do not one-up, condescend, or scowl.
10. Know that she is an individual; not a member of "them."
You're welcome! Now crawl out of your basements and try again.
Pretty much.
I must have talked about 20 girls out of going out with me when I was younger. One of them was actually my now fiance's older sister, back when I was 13 and in 7th grade That was probably the only one out of those 20 that I think was for the best.
I'd also like to add ''Don't talk about the hockey game you watched last night or the band you saw play last night, or the time you lost over 100 pounds or what songs you can play on guitar'' to these 10 that you listed.
I'd also like to add ''Don't talk about the hockey game you watched last night or the band you saw play last night, or the time you lost over 100 pounds or what songs you can play on guitar'' to these 10 that you listed.
Or the episode of [insert favorite TV show here] that you saw last night.
Honestly, the opening post appears to be blatant male bashing to me.
Every word of that post could have been written in general terms not specifically to *men*.
Life issues are not gender specific however, bashing one or the other seems to happen easily.
Edited to add:
I do wonder why every post in regards to men who have dating issues ends with *get out of mom's basement*, etc.
Where do the women who have the same dating issues crawl out from?
While I did agree with the OP on much of their list, I didn't like the basement comment much either.
Just because a male is unsuccessful with women and getting more than one date, does not mean he lives with his parents still.
I've lived on my own or with roommates since I was 23. Technically, it was a couple months before I even turned 23. I was living with my grandparents, who moved down to Florida in September of 05. I turned 23 in December and lived with a friend for like 4 months, before I got my own place that January. I did have a long term girlfriend at that time, but there were times where I was single and lived alone or with roommates , and the place was usually not that clean because I had nothing going on and no potential love interests coming over.
Or the episode of [insert favorite TV show here] that you saw last night.
That's another good one too!
Try not to talk much at all, would be my general advice. But I don't wanna be misleading and say to be shy and quite all night. Ask her the questions and let her do about 70%-80% of the talking. I got to a point where I didn't even wanna talk about myself at all, at least not with people who aren't close friends or people that I know well. One night, I spent literally 3 hours talking about my favorite hockey team and the stupid goalie controversy from the prior season and how much I hated the coach, and this was in the offseason, of all times. And I was sitting in a girl's bed while talking about it, she seemed very interested for the first 2.5 hours of it but by hour 3, she was telling me she was tired and going to sleep.
Luckily, I saw her again and we hooked up for a couple months. If her interest level wasn't high, I think that would have been the end of it. It also might have helped that this wasn't our first date, it was our second one or at least second hang out.
Why are those bad topics to talk about? Just curious.
I don't think they're a bad topic to talk about, I think it's just once someone starts talking about something, they sometimes will tend to talk and go on and on and on and on about it. Thus boring the girl to death, or coming off as if you're all about yourself and self centered. It's a little different if she also watches this same show and likes it as much as you do, but I'd still advise against spending too much time talking about it on the first few dates, unless she's the one leading the conversation about the TV show.
I don't think they're a bad topic to talk about, I think it's just once someone starts talking about something, they sometimes will tend to talk and go on and on and on and on about it. Thus boring the girl to death, or coming off as if you're all about yourself and self centered. It's a little different if she also watches this same show and likes it as much as you do, but I'd still advise against spending too much time talking about it on the first few dates, unless she's the one leading the conversation about the TV show.
That makes sense. What I generally do is try to go into different topics, then maybe coming back to it later.
I definitely agree with not dominating the convo on just one single topic.
The girl I'm interested in and talking to now is a huge sports fan (Jets fan in football and Yankees fan in baseball), but I tried not to go into it too much.
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