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Because when I asked for people's advice on here, they said things like she is manipulating me, and that I should. So I thought my heart maybe is not the best judgement and that maybe I should break up with her.
If you're only breaking up with her because strangers told you to, then you won't be able to. You won't have the necessary resolve to be convincing toward her when you tell her you're breaking up. You'll feel conflicted about it, and that will come across. She'll be able to tell that you're indecisive about it, and don't 100% mean what you say.
I have been having troubl in my relationship and asked for advice on here, before. A lot of people on here are saying that I should break up and I have decided, I am going to take the advice and do it. Basically the problems were in these previous threads.
But everytime I try to break up, there is this emotional force, that stops, me that makes me feel like it is wrong, or that I am causing both of us, too much pain, since it feels like it is. This is second first break up and my first serious relationship, so I am new to this.
But does anyone have any advice on how to make it easier since it has been hard for some reason? Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.
Either way will hurt.... But being straight and honest in a respectful manner and in person is always what's best
There is a huge difference between "helping out" your GF and buying a few bags of groceries or new tire for her car or chipping in for the electric bill because money is very tight for her one month and supporting her because she voluntarily left her business and lost money or because she is supporting someone else is just crazy. A big difference.
My husband and I said the "for better or worse, in good times and in bad" etc. vows when we married.
Unfortunately there have been plenty of Bad Times and then even Worse Times. Frankly, I would sooner sell my kidney on the black market than ever consider selling my wedding ring or engagement ring. Your GF can do what I did during our bad times, get a second job in addition to the current full time job and if that is not enough get a third job to help with the money.
At one point, I had a fulltime job, a part time job and also two other very part time paying gigs (when my husband developed dementia and lost his good paying career and then had cancer and could not work at all). Yes, four jobs and I still helped care for my ill husband, that is what a real adult woman does when she has financial difficulties. A real adult woman does not beg her current lover for money. Sheesh, is she 12 years old or a hooker?
She is playing you for an absolute fool.
But what if she has been looking for a second job, and wasn't able to find one? She has to pay her bills before interest goes up which is only in a few days before it does. So she is on a time crunch. I mean does that change anything in her selling my ring, if there is a time crunch on having to pay interest, if she cannot make the next payment... and she has been looking for a second job, but couldn't get one?
But what if she has been looking for a second job, and wasn't able to find one? She has to pay her bills before interest goes up which is only in a few days before it does. So she is on a time crunch. I mean does that change anything in her selling my ring, if there is a time crunch on having to pay interest, if she cannot make the next payment... and she has been looking for a second job, but couldn't get one?
OP, if you love her, and don't mind supporting her, and don't mind her weird emotional outbursts and demands, and are agreeable to living with that for the rest of your life, why break up? You're the one who would have to live with her, and who claims to love her, not us.
But what if she has been looking for a second job, and wasn't able to find one? She has to pay her bills before interest goes up which is only in a few days before it does. So she is on a time crunch. I mean does that change anything in her selling my ring, if there is a time crunch on having to pay interest, if she cannot make the next payment... and she has been looking for a second job, but couldn't get one?
She will never find another job, because she does not have to.
Why should she work when she has YOU to step in and pay for everything?
Sounds like you are willing to fork over all the money she needs for the rest of your lives.
Have fun with that....
There is a huge difference between "helping out" your GF and buying a few bags of groceries or new tire for her car or chipping in for the electric bill because money is very tight for her one month and supporting her because she voluntarily left her business and lost money or because she is supporting someone else is just crazy. A big difference.
My husband and I said the "for better or worse, in good times and in bad" etc. vows when we married.
Unfortunately there have been plenty of Bad Times and then even Worse Times. Frankly, I would sooner sell my kidney on the black market than ever consider selling my wedding ring or engagement ring. Your GF can do what I did during our bad times, get a second job in addition to the current full time job and if that is not enough get a third job to help with the money.
At one point, I had a fulltime job, a part time job and also two other very part time paying gigs (when my husband developed dementia and lost his good paying career and then had cancer and could not work at all). Yes, four jobs and I still helped care for my ill husband, that is what a real adult woman does when she has financial difficulties. A real adult woman does not beg her current lover for money. Sheesh, is she 12 years old or a hooker?
She is playing you for an absolute fool.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony
But what if she has been looking for a second job, and wasn't able to find one? She has to pay her bills before interest goes up which is only in a few days before it does. So she is on a time crunch. I mean does that change anything in her selling my ring, if there is a time crunch on having to pay interest, if she cannot make the next payment... and she has been looking for a second job, but couldn't get one?
So how many places did she apply to? Or how long did she look? After she got off her first job did she spend three hours every single night, and all day Saturday and Sunday, answering ads, going on the internet and going to places to apply in person to get a second job? Or did she answer two or three ads or fill out only two or three applications a day and insist "I can't find a job! " Or did she only apply to two or three places a week and think that was enough? Or maybe she just talked to a few friends about looking for work and expected a future employer to call her up out of the blue with a great job offer?
Did she go to her current boss and ask for a raise? Did she ask for more hours at her first job? Did she see if she could figure out a way to work some overtime hours at work or to do an extra project after hours for extra pay?
Did she check out paying gigs? Did she try to get babysitting jobs for Friday or Saturday nights for money? Did she offer to walk the neighbor's dogs for cash? Did she make & sell her fancy cookies, for a mark-up, to a friend who wanted to serve them at a dinner party? Did she sell plasma? Did she sell clothes that she was not wearing on Craigslist? Did she try to sell odds & ends that she did not need anymore on eBay?
Did she offer to mow lawns, weeds gardens or do sewing to earn extra money?
Frankly, I really, really doubt if she tried very hard to earn extra money if she did not do or try most of those things.
She wants to sell the ring that you gave her. But is that the absolute last thing that she has to sell? Has she sold her extra clothes or fancy shoes or book collection or the jewelry that her old boyfriends gave her? Has she sold her car and decided to just take the bus everyplace so she can save money?
Has she asked her father if there is anything of his that she can sell to make extra money to pay his expenses?
Frankly, I think that it is a just trick telling you that she is going to sell the promise ring because she knows that it will make you want to "give in" and just give her more money without her doing any work.
Go online right now and check on the nearest place where she can sell plasma. Perhaps she will be able to go there after work tomorrow to start earning the extra money that she needs. And if she says "Absolutely not! I would never sell plasma to earn extra money!" you have your answer about how serious she really is about making money instead of just leeching off of you.
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-27-2016 at 10:23 PM..
Well she says she looks for jobs a lot while I am at work, and I work a lot, so maybe it's true, and I have driven her to quite a few places to apply on my ways to other places. I also helped her retype her resume, which she asked me to do.
However, today I had a talk with her on the phone, about helping her pay her dental bill, which I already helped her pay quite a bit of it. She said the remainder was three hundred, and something. I asked her how much it was exactly. She said she just needs 300 and that's it, and asked me if I did not believe her, and asked why she had to show me the specifics. I said I believed her, I just wanted to see the specifics so we could come up with a plan.
I told her we should come up with a plan to pay for it together and maybe cut corners with our money, if she wants me to help her pay it, and that we can come up with a plan together.
She then went cold in her voice on the phone, and sighed, and said nevermind, forget it, and went off the subject.
Go up to your girlfriend and state that you want to break up with her. Then state the reasons behind why you want to break up
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