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2. Would you admit it was because you couldn't get a local partner or have yo formed coping mechanisms as to why you would choose a lover across the globe rather than a local one ("No one in my country gets me like my LDR lover does", etc)
I was looking for something specific. Interracial dating was much more acceptable where she's from, compared to where I currently live as I've gotten older. I asked her a couple questions on interracial dating and she answered them in a manner that made me feel comfortable. There was no thinking or hesitation in her answers and that's important on VERY BIG issues early on in a dating/potential relationship.
3. How often did you meet up? How did you convince friends that this wasn't a crazy idea or a catfish, etc?
We're roughly meeting up 2-3 times a month. Schedules are busy for both of us, so we're taking the long view on us seeing each other.
4. How did it feel seeing your friends with their partners while you counted down the months until you could spend a few days with yours?
Doesn't bother me at all. I've been single for years mostly, so being the lone single guy doesn't always bother me. However, it can bother me from time to time.
5. What did you not foresee going into it?
How much I enjoy her company, even if it's only short burst. The lack of us seeing each other, on top of us not texting each other endlessly everyday, definitely makes me miss her a lot more, in a VERY GOOD way. Like way more than I've missed other women I texted constantly or saw each other constantly. It's not a miss in an insecure way, but a miss in the "I can't wait to see her smile again" kind of way.
6. How long did it last? If you are now dating local, didn't you just say that "No one else in my country got me like my LDR lover did" above?
That's still TBD. It's not easy, but it's not hard either. I'm having fun and she's having fun too. It's the first time I've dated a woman and I put most of my needs on the back burner. She needs patience, which is something I don't really have, so this is a great opportunity for me. The one question that keeps coming to mind when I start thinking too much is what another person posted on this thread or another thread. Do I like this person? Yes. Do I want to keep seeing this person? Yes. Nothing else matters at this point. Just enjoy the time spent together for what it is.
2. Would you admit it was because you couldn't get a local partner or have yo formed coping mechanisms as to why you would choose a lover across the globe rather than a local one ("No one in my country gets me like my LDR lover does", etc) Nope. It was because of all the small town gossip where I lived. Plus I knew quite a few of the "availables" and some of them were enough to make you look elsewhere.
3. How often did you meet up? We alternated weekends. One weekend and her place, one at mine. There was a nice small town about halfway in between where we'd meet to go out for dinner and get a room in midweek. How did you convince friends that this wasn't a crazy idea or a catfish, etc? Didn't try.If they didn't like what we were doing, I wasn't going to lose any sleep over it.
4. How did it feel seeing your friends with their partners while you counted down the months until you could spend a few days with yours? Didn't bother me
5. What did you not foresee going into it? Can't think of anything
6. How long did it last? If you are now dating local, didn't you just say that "No one else in my country got me like my LDR lover did" above? We've been married almost 16 years. The first 6 years of our marriage we still lived 70 miles apart.
The funny part is people would say You're married and just see each other on weekends? Gee, I'd love a marriage like that! lol
I've been in a LDR 3 times I would say. Twice with one person while married to that person Once with a boyfriend. Each time I got to know the person first locally, so I haven't started up a relationship from a distance. The boyfriend didn't last long after I moved away 5 states away. He wasn't "the one." My husband and I lived apart for financial reasons twice in our marriage, once for 2 years, once for one year (we've been married over 21 years now). We saw one another every 6 weeks during those times (we lived 20 hours apart for the first two years we were apart, and an ocean apart for the one year that was about 13 years later).
All the other LDR I've had have been very short-lived and not worth remembering/talking about. LDR takes some commitment and some planning. I've never had a problem getting a "local" date.
2. Would you admit it was because you couldn't get a local partner or have yo formed coping mechanisms as to why you would choose a lover across the globe rather than a local one ("No one in my country gets me like my LDR lover does", etc)
3. How often did you meet up? How did you convince friends that this wasn't a crazy idea or a catfish, etc?
4. How did it feel seeing your friends with their partners while you counted down the months until you could spend a few days with yours?
5. What did you not foresee going into it?
6. How long did it last? If you are now dating local, didn't you just say that "No one else in my country got me like my LDR lover did" above?
Thanks.
1) The distance was that between Texas and Diyala, Iraq where my company was deployed.
2) We already lived in the same city. Both grew up in H-town, within 5 miles of each other. I was in the reserves when we met at a party for my college graduation and in 2010 my unit got deployed. We both met each locally (she was a friend of my sister).
3) We were bf/gf from 07' to 10', when I got deployed. We got engaged before this deployment, right after I came home from training (the 15 days of leave was awesome btw!). While overseas, I walked across the FOB at night (against my sergeant's orders bc we were supposed to go everywhere in pairs) to get over to the call station so I could call her. I did this EVERY night, especially after getting back from mission so she knew I got back safely.
4) It didn't feel bad because everybody in my unit had to go the entire deployment without their SO, except for one married couple who was in the same unit. Don't get me wrong though, it WAS hard being without her.
5) I knew that it would be difficult, but MAN it was hard to be without the love of my life for a whole year, smh. It was also hard to be a way from all the people that loved me (I feel bad for ppl who have done multiple deployments, I only did one.)
6) It lasted to this day! I got out of the army in Dec 2011 we are married, and had a BEAUTIFUL baby girl a little over a year ago. Life is good
1) The distance was that between Texas and Diyala, Iraq where my company was deployed.
2) We already lived in the same city. Both grew up in H-town, within 5 miles of each other. I was in the reserves when we met at a party for my college graduation and in 2010 my unit got deployed. We both met each locally (she was a friend of my sister).
3) We were bf/gf from 07' to 10', when I got deployed. We got engaged before this deployment, right after I came home from training (the 15 days of leave was awesome btw!). While overseas, I walked across the FOB at night (against my sergeant's orders bc we were supposed to go everywhere in pairs) to get over to the call station so I could call her. I did this EVERY night, especially after getting back from mission so she knew I got back safely.
4) It didn't feel bad because everybody in my unit had to go the entire deployment without their SO, except for one married couple who was in the same unit. Don't get me wrong though, it WAS hard being without her.
5) I knew that it would be difficult, but MAN it was hard to be without the love of my life for a whole year, smh. It was also hard to be a way from all the people that loved me (I feel bad for ppl who have done multiple deployments, I only did one.)
6) It lasted to this day! I got out of the army in Dec 2011 we are married, and had a BEAUTIFUL baby girl a little over a year ago. Life is good
Great story, that's how it's supposed to end, happily ever after
Congratulations!
He lived in the upstate New York area, I'm in the Southwest part of the US.
2. Would you admit it was because you couldn't get a local partner or have yo formed coping mechanisms as to why you would choose a lover across the globe rather than a local one ("No one in my country gets me like my LDR lover does", etc)
To be honest, it was a little of both....I've never been one of those women whom guys easily noticed, and I probably wouldn't have gotten involved in a LDR if I'd really clicked with someone local.
3. How often did you meet up? How did you convince friends that this wasn't a crazy idea or a catfish, etc?
We had talked about him flying out to see me that summer (this being summer of 2003), but it never ended up happening.....not sure how it would've worked out had things continued.
4. How did it feel seeing your friends with their partners while you counted down the months until you could spend a few days with yours?
It honestly didn't bother me.
5. What did you not foresee going into it?
The fact that there was no way to know for sure how much of what this guy told me about himself was the truth, how much was embellished/what he wanted me to hear, and what might've been a lie. Also, how much it would hurt basically getting told "Everything going on in my life is more important than you are."
6. How long did it last? If you are now dating local, didn't you just say that "No one else in my country got me like my LDR lover did" above?
It lasted about three months, the guy got caught up with things in his area (or so he said), and decided he didn't have time for a relationship anymore. We did stay in touch as friends for about a year, then he gradually dropped contact once he met someone whom he got serious with.
[quote=FACEandLMS;45648289]1. What was the distance? 1500 miles
2. Would you admit it was because you couldn't get a local partner or have yo formed coping mechanisms as to why you would choose a lover across the globe rather than a local one ("No one in my country gets me like my LDR lover does", etc) No. She relocated and we stuck it out.
3. How often did you meet up? How did you convince friends that this wasn't a crazy idea or a catfish, etc? once every 4-6 weeks for long weekends.
4. How did it feel seeing your friends with their partners while you counted down the months until you could spend a few days with yours? no big deal
5. What did you not foresee going into it? distance and not seeing each other was tough on the relationship. takes a certain type of person. space is one thing, but that is SPACE.
6. How long did it last? If you are now dating local, didn't you just say that "No one else in my country got me like my LDR lover did" above? I finally moved, we got married, and we finally got divorced. I ended up in Texas then, away from my family, so it basically ended up sucking. I probably should have broken it off and never moved as it seemed to be going in the wrong direction. oh well......
2. Would you admit it was because you couldn't get a local partner or have yo formed coping mechanisms as to why you would choose a lover across the globe rather than a local one ("No one in my country gets me like my LDR lover does", etc) Started out we live only a few miles apart. I moved from Charleston West Virginia to Richmond VA. for many years I still cared for her, we talked on the phone about ever two weeks. I also dated several women during a 10 year period.
3. How often did you meet up? I managed to go into West Virginia about 2 times a year, and I always stayed with her. How did you convince friends that this wasn't a crazy idea or a catfish, etc? If I was happy they were happy.
4. How did it feel seeing your friends with their partners while you counted down the months until you could spend a few days with yours? Glad my friends had someone to be with.
5. What did you not foresee going into it?
6. How long did it last? I married he and we lived together for almost 11 years, and we were married for almost 10 years, I would still be with my first wife, but she died. If you are now dating local, didn't you just say that "No one else in my country got me like my LDR lover did" above? I married again, and this woman was local hear in Richmond. At that point it was just easier to meet someone living in the same city.
Thanks.
My answers are in Red
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Once with a boyfriend. Each time I got to know the person first locally, so I haven't started up a relationship from a distance. The boyfriend didn't last long after I moved away 5 states away. He wasn't "the one." My husband and I lived apart for financial reasons twice in our marriage, once for 2 years, once for one year (we've been married over 21 years now). We saw one another every 6 weeks during those times (we lived 20 hours apart for the first two years we were apart, and an ocean apart for the one year that was about 13 years later). 
