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I've gone to strip clubs with a few times. It was with a group.
Oh yeah, and a male strip show, one for girls and one in a gay club.
It's no biggy. But if you don't want to then don't, and don't give your BF a hard time.
My experience with this subject as a guy and dealing with guys is that it breaks down into 3 groups of men. Group 1, never go or have gone once or twice. Group 2 is guys that only typically go when there is a bachelor party or something along those lines, don't go that often but have gone more than group 1. These guys just see it as sorta "meh, going for an event." Group 3 is the guys that go all the time and talk about it fairly often and the same guys are holding out hot sweaty wads of money for them and this same group are the guys that like the "lap dances"
The OP needs to reconcile her ideas on this and where her BF sits and make a decision.
Honestly, I think the conversation was kind of ridiculous. He asked, you said no, and then it dragged on and became a bigger deal on your end than it needed to (imo). He's just figuring out what you'e ok with, and there are definitely women who go to strip clubs with their SOs. If you believe him, he hasn't gone and he's probably just feeling out the idea. If you don't believe him, he goes at least once in a while and wanted to bring you in on it.
I wouldn't want to do that (I wouldn't care to go to a strip show by either gender), and I wouldn't be thrilled if my dh asked me, but I'd say no and I don't imagine we'd belabor the point.
Okay...this is mean of me but I sort of snorted when I read that convo because it was just pretty much like...there was no way this guy was going to win from the get-go, LOL.
I just pretty much heard every round-about conversation I've ever had with my long-suffering husband in my head, right down to his exhaustion and, basically, a silent "WTH did I even do this..." at the end...
So, in the OP's defense, this guy did initially push to know "why" and so on. HE should have just dropped it.
He knows better now.
OP, you told him how you feel, gave, I thought, a really good, direct analogy to see how he would feel, and learned a thing or two. One which seems important to me is the fact that he appears to have NO problem with double-standards. None. Full stop. You need to know whether or not you're okay with that, moving forward.
I don't think you got crazy about it or anything. Each of you said how s/he felt about the subject and there you have it.
FTR, nobody has ever asked me to go to a strip club! LOL! Not a single guy. Dance in one, yes, but go to one? (Kidding on that last part there.)
If I had a dollar for every time a guy promised to take me to a strip club...
What harm do you think it would be to go out, have a few drinks, listen to music, and watch some girls dancing?
I brought my dollars! It was a surprise, we got in a cab he whispered to the driver, told me I'd hate it or have fun. It was fun for me I drank with the girls, bought a couple shots, then some guys started trying to convince me to "get up there!"
Then it wasn't so much fun for my guy anymore, he said we should get going. So we did, after I bought a t-shirt.
OP, it doesn't make anyone a bad person, If you have a chance do it, IMO, at least answer with: "let me think about it" next time, then there's less chance of an immediate argument and overreactions.
My experience with this subject as a guy and dealing with guys is that it breaks down into 3 groups of men. Group 1, never go or have gone once or twice. Group 2 is guys that only typically go when there is a bachelor party or something along those lines, don't go that often but have gone more than group 1. These guys just see it as sorta "meh, going for an event." Group 3 is the guys that go all the time and talk about it fairly often and the same guys are holding out hot sweaty wads of money for them and this same group are the guys that like the "lap dances"
The OP needs to reconcile her ideas on this and where her BF sits and make a decision.
I'm in group 1, I just have no interest in going to one.
I would go with a group of friends for fun, but I wouldn't be tipping the dancers or anything like that. I have better things to spend my money on.
That said, I have no issue with them or anything, they just aren't my thing. My older cousin (almost 17 year age difference) LOVED going to them back in the day and still loves going to them. He even married a dancer, although they're now divorced.
Last edited by Runninglikethieves; 09-30-2016 at 09:05 PM..
I'm in group 1, I just have no interest in going to one.
I would go with a group of friends for fun, but I wouldn't be tipping the dancers or anything like that. I have better things to spend my money on.
That said, I have no issue with them or anything, they just aren't my thing. My older cousin (almost 17 year age difference) LOVED going to them back in the day and still loves going to them. He even married a dancer, although they're not divorced.
I'm probably in group 2 because I've gone a few times, but it's not my bag and it has mostly been with other guys and their events. I just don't give a crap about strip joints, never was my bag.
Last edited by Chowhound; 09-30-2016 at 10:19 PM..
i want a man who doesn't have any interest in them. he's out there somewhere and i'm going to find him if it's the last thing i do. dammit...
They're not hard to find.
OP, this seems like an important issue to you. How long have you and your bf been together? This issue may speak to core values, meaning that you two may not be a good match. I don't see what his not having much experience with serious relationships has to do with it. As you say in the dialogue, it's just part of who he is. If you're looking for a different kind of guy, there's nothing wrong with that.
i want a man who doesn't have any interest in them. he's out there somewhere and i'm going to find him if it's the last thing i do. dammit...
Lots and lots of men don't give a rip about strip joints. I know, I'm a man.... I've hung out with men for 47 yrs. LOL......
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I drank with the girls, bought a couple shots, then some guys started trying to convince me to "get up there!"
