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Do you have to start off as friends first before you enter a relationship?
Or can it be possible to hit it off already and start dating and beyong boyfriend/girlfriend?
Whats your opinion on this?
Did you start off as friends before you met your partner or did you get all kissy and lovey dovey first?
"Love is friendship that has caught fire". Don't know where I read that but I love the sentiment. If you start out as friends it is easier to go through the rough parts in relationships and marriages.
I agree, more often than not. I'm not saying it's super rare, but I think the percentages of people who were friends first is much lower than those who were not.
For those who were friends before being in a relationship, I'm curious as to why you were friends for so long before actually becoming romantically involved? Were one or both of you not interested in one another at first? Were one or both of you in a relationship when you first met, thus not being able to date each other? I'm just trying to understand.
So it's tricky. I've seen longer term relationships last longer when people have been friends for maybe a year before hitting it off. I've seen instances where that random acquaintance/friend knew of each other then all of a sudden years later, they hit it off at a party and date for years after. I've seen longer relationships last when this is the case of being friends then relationship.
But I've seen people who had immediate attraction for someone and jumped to a relationship within a month or two and last years but I've probably seen the worst breakups from people like this. Breakups where neither party can see each other as a friend because they jumped right to being bf/gf almost immediately.
Simultaneous development of sexual and friendship relationships seems most likely to me. I can't imagine things going sexual with someone who has been just a friend in the past. The tendency for humans to copulate with strangers from another village, is a natural mechanism to avoid inbreeding.
So it's tricky. I've seen longer term relationships last longer when people have been friends for maybe a year before hitting it off. I've seen instances where that random acquaintance/friend knew of each other then all of a sudden years later, they hit it off at a party and date for years after. I've seen longer relationships last when this is the case of being friends then relationship.
But I've seen people who had immediate attraction for someone and jumped to a relationship within a month or two and last years but I've probably seen the worst breakups from people like this. Breakups where neither party can see each other as a friend because they jumped right to being bf/gf almost immediately.
For me, I have no interest at all in being friends with someone I like as more than a friend. If she doesn't like me, that's her choice and quite alright. But it's also my choice to refuse to be just friends with her.
If you eventually become romantically involved with a friend, I think that's fine. I just absolutely don't agree with the idea that you should be friends with them first before dating. If I like a girl, I'm gonna tell her right away. There might be an instance where she isn't single and then she becomes single down the road and I'll try to date her. I'm just hypothetically throwing that out there though, it hasn't happened to me.
I agree, more often than not. I'm not saying it's super rare, but I think the percentages of people who were friends first is much lower than those who were not.
I'm certain that most relationships are not born out of friendship... I used to wonder if that's the reason behind so many failed relationships/divorces/separations....
Quote:
For those who were friends before being in a relationship, I'm curious as to why you were friends for so long before actually becoming romantically involved? Were one or both of you not interested in one another at first? Were one or both of you in a relationship when you first met, thus not being able to date each other? I'm just trying to understand.
Simply put... We were from very different backgrounds/upbringing.
I was in a LTR at the time she contacted me to rent a room with me. She was fairly sheltered, naive, and relatively conservative (not politically.. ). My circle of friends, my GF, and I were open sexually and we partied a lot. Many of us didn't come from the prototypical middle class family. My relationship with my future wife evolved over time to the point that we didn't really see a future without each other. We did everything together... simply clicked. She helped me through my personal struggles and I was always there for hers. It took a long time (eventually living together as a couple) to determine whether or not we could build a life together.
Till this day, I am completely amazed how she managed to step way out of her comfort zone to reach out and "fit in" while still never changing who she is underneath. I found that extremely attractive... she has a huge heart and unlimited compassion.
Officially married for 15+ years with three children... I have to admit, we've had marital problems recently (mostly from being overwhelmed and stressed). I think our underlying close friendship has helped us work things out.
Do I think it is necessary to be friends first? No. Do I believe it helps build a strong relationship? Yes. Do I believe that it is necessary to build a strong relationship? Nope. At some point, your spouse should be your close friend... if not the closest.
I'm certain that most relationships are not born out of friendship... I used to wonder if that's the reason behind so many failed relationships/divorces/separations....
Agreed.
And I would bet that a large majority of people that were friends before dating were more aquintances or not sure of the word I'm looking for, but not exactly best of friends.
To make myself clear, I do think it's alright to start a relationship with someone you've been friends with. Especially if the circumstances involved one or both being in a relationship prior to dating and them not being available to be in a relationship prior to that.
What I'm against, is the notion and idea that people should be just friends first, before becoming romantically linked to each other. That's a good way to find yourself permanently banished to friend zone. Especially if you were being their friend because you thought it was only gonna help your chances of being more than that. I've known some guys that think being friends first will help their chances of eventually being more than that.
Do you have to start off as friends first before you enter a relationship?
Or can it be possible to hit it off already and start dating and beyong boyfriend/girlfriend?
Whats your opinion on this?
Did you start off as friends before you met your partner or did you get all kissy and lovey dovey first?
Nope. Being friends first is not a prerequisite for a relationship for me. I can learn what I need to know about the other person in the dating process- we don't need to have a friendship foundation first.
I have started relationships both ways, and have not found one to be better than the other for me. I also know quite a few long-lasting relationships that didn't start "friends first", so I couldn't say if, overall, it's "better".
Do you have to start off as friends first before you enter a relationship?
Or can it be possible to hit it off already and start dating and beyong boyfriend/girlfriend?
Whats your opinion on this?
Did you start off as friends before you met your partner or did you get all kissy and lovey dovey first?
Men and women can't really be friends.
A woman decides if she would sleep with a man in the first 30 seconds they meet.
The longer you wait, the worse your odds are.
This is the truth.......
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