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Don't panic, OP. At least he agreed to counseling--that's a good sign. It may be that he just needs time to himself to blow off steam; a break now and then in the week to be away from family responsibilities. He may, indeed, enjoy the freedom of just being able to wander around. Does he have any hobbies? Anything like that he can enjoy on his own? That's important for married couples, to each have their own separate time.
My dad worked hard during the week, including, earlier in his career, bringing work home. But Saturdays were his day to be a free man. He would delight in spending the day just puttering aimlessly around town, exploring stores, ethnic delis, out enjoying the sun as he walked around with no set schedule. In that sense, he really made the most of his weekends, as R & R and an escape from the work week. Give your guy a little slack as he adjusts to the new responsibility that arrived at home. Don't jump to conclusions.
I'm sorry - the man has 2 kids (prior relationship) - do you (OP) know if he "abandoned" them in the way he seems to have abandoned you and your baby? He is not exactly young or inexperienced enough to use that as an excuse here - neither is he old enough for a mid-life crisis.
When does the OP have her separate time? With a new baby BOTH should have separate time but I'd say it is equal time - if HE gets all of Saturday then SHE gets all of Sunday - she can pump if necessary.
I will sit him down. I have to say that I have not been nagging at all. I mentioned my concerns of course but only maybe twice and it was short and direct. I came here to vent 1) because I didnt want to nag him and 2) get advice about how to handle this before taking it full on.
The possibility of affair stems from him suddenly being secretive with phone whereas he was not before. Phone suddenly on vibrate all the time and him texting more frequently than before. All things that have started recently. He cheated during the 2 year of marriage so I have reasons to be concerned.
What you just described is what my ex-husband was doing in our marriage so please pay attention and don't wait for his mistress to show up at the door which is what occurred in our situation. I wish that I would have listened to my gut and left him sooner, instead of having some tramp coming to the house to confront him and telling him to choose me or her. I made it simple and told him to pack his backs and filed for divorce.
It wasn't easy at first since he really broke my heart but now in hindsight he did me a huge favor and I'm living my life with peace and happiness now.
I did ask if there was someone else. I asked if he was cheating. Of course he denied it like he did during his first affair until it later came out.
He is an excellent father while with the children, come to think of it he complains about taking care of them too. He painted their mom out to be a bad person (which she somewhat is) and that was the reason for his frustration when caring for them. A red flag that I ignored obviously I was blaming his frustrations on their mom. My fault there.
He is one of those people who blames the world for his problems. He blames the children mom, he blames his job (that he went to college for) as the reason he is unhappy, he blames the kids for his lack of money, me for a ton of reasons....as I type this I realize that my husband really needs to grow up and take responsibility.
I did ask if there was someone else. I asked if he was cheating. Of course he denied it like he did during his first affair until it later came out.
He is an excellent father while with the children, come to think of it he complains about taking care of them too. He painted their mom out to be a bad person (which she somewhat is) and that was the reason for his frustration when caring for them. A red flag that I ignored obviously I was blaming his frustrations on their mom. My fault there.
He is one of those people who blames the world for his problems. He blames the children mom, he blames his job (that he went to college for) as the reason he is unhappy, he blames the kids for his lack of money, me for a ton of reasons....as I type this I realize that my husband really needs to grow up and take responsibility.
Well, it sounds like you need to tell him to get out and paint the town red to his heart's content after you separate your finances. Or you both need to get help now.
The possibility of affair stems from him suddenly being secretive with phone whereas he was not before. Phone suddenly on vibrate all the time and him texting more frequently than before. All things that have started recently. He cheated during the 2 year of marriage so I have reasons to be concerned.
Well, this certainly puts things in a different light! Probably having a frank talk is the best idea, then. Counseling? IDK, with this new info. He'd probably hide the affair from the counselor if there is an affair going on. Get a support network going for yourself; friends, relatives.
He blames you for a lot of stuff? This doesn't sound good. Maybe splitting up at this point would be a blessing in disguise. Do you have people you can rely on to help?
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