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Here's a paradox that many guys don't seem to be able to figure out. The less desperate you are for sex, the more options you will have in terms of actually having sex.
I think you should be more patient, quit overthinking things, and quit being so desperate for early sex.
That way you will end up with more options, whether they are for casual sex with girls who are looking for the same or for finding girls who are looking for more stable, long term, healthy relationships.
It's not a paradox.
No woman is turned on by some dude trying to shove in the tongue-kiss and humping her leg in eagerness.
I don't care HOW "into" him she is, ain't nobody forgetting the panties for THAT date.
Now, be in control of oneself past middle-school level? Yes, that IS attractive.
I agree with this and think it's okay to be "Aggressive". For me, that word doesn't mean to force a girl or getting violent or even making them feel uncomfortable.
But in the OP's case it did mean making the woman feel uncomfortable. She was so uncomfortable by the third or whatever attempt that she literally had to get up and leave without even finishing the movie.
The "aggressiveness" being advocated here by some goes even beyond that level of discomfort, obviously, since he tried that and the cheer is "go harder, man!" (basically).
So yeah. She's going to be uncomfortable. "I'm not comfortable with your French kissing and being all over me, but I WILL be comfortable if you do that MORE physically than before and push harder" does not compute.
But in the OP's case it did mean making the woman feel uncomfortable. She was so uncomfortable by the third or whatever attempt that she literally had to get up and leave without even finishing the movie.
The "aggressiveness" being advocated here by some goes even beyond that level of discomfort, obviously, since he tried that and the cheer is "go harder, man!" (basically).
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^^^ That's terrible advice. Why would anyone advise the OP to do more of a failed strategy? Why ignore her clear signals that she doesn't want that? It makes no sense.
But in the OP's case it did mean making the woman feel uncomfortable. She was so uncomfortable by the third or whatever attempt that she literally had to get up and leave without even finishing the movie.
The "aggressiveness" being advocated here by some goes even beyond that level of discomfort, obviously, since he tried that and the cheer is "go harder, man!" (basically).
So yeah. She's going to be uncomfortable. "I'm not comfortable with your French kissing and being all over me, but I WILL be comfortable if you do that MORE physically than before and push harder" does not compute.
The aggressiveness the OP is showing is what I was commenting on way way up thread. He needed to back off a bit, if she is breaking the kissing up at every chance she can she clearly isn't comfortable with it, for whatever reason it is, heck, maybe the OP's breath stinks, maybe she wasn't comfortable with it overall and maybe she thought he expected sex, whatever, we don't know at this point.
No woman is turned on by some dude trying to shove in the tongue-kiss and humping her leg in eagerness.
I don't care HOW "into" him she is, ain't nobody forgetting the panties for THAT date.
Now, be in control of oneself past middle-school level? Yes, that IS attractive.
You'd think most guys would have figured this out. However, with all the "need to get sex after the first several dates" posts around here, apparently they haven't.
You'd think most guys would have figured this out. However, with all the "need to get sex after the first several dates" posts around here, apparently they haven't.
That mentality seems to be related to the fact that they spend money on dates, so ... they want their money's worth out of it. (Review Tranger's posts, if need be.) The obvious simple solution to that is to stop spending money on the first couple of dates. Or go Dutch. Then the guys won't feel "ripped off" and "used" when their date cheerily goes home without having removed her clothes.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356
But again, you don't understand that some girls may be into you, AND STILL not want to have sex on a first date, or maybe even the next few dates.
Like I said before, you aren't necessarily wrong (in fact, I'd say you're probably a little more right than wrong), but you can't use this argument for every situation as every person is different.
Never ran into this since college. Once you're in young adult age, and then an adult, if a woman wants to have sex with you she will. Lord knows I tried being all mellow and chill in my 20s and not being assertive, date 4, date 5, date 6.... in hindsight I was a dope. The women I had relationships with all wanted to have sex with me first or second time we met. If it took much longer than that then they just weren't that attracted to me and it was dead in the water. The exceptions there are women I met that were dating other people when I first met them.
Of course, I don't tend to date and am not attracted to women that believe sex between consenting adults is a morality game and sex is a test, so I can't speak to people where this is part of their psyche.
Of course, I don't tend to date and am not attracted to women that believe sex between consenting adults is a morality game and sex is a test, so I can't speak to people where this is part of their psyche.
I'm pretty sure there is another set of women out there who wait to have sex without it being a morality game or at test.
My experience is that they simply prefer to wait until they know a guy relatively well and have a good, trusting connection with him before having sex.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
I'm pretty sure there is another set of women out there who wait to have sex without it being a morality game or at test.
My experience is that they simply prefer to wait until they know a guy relatively well and have a good, trusting connection with him before having sex.
My experience is they want to know if sexual chemistry exists before investing the time in the individual to get to know them. No point in dating someone a month or whatever if there is no possibility for a relationship.
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