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So if you had had jumped all over her it all would have worked out?
Be realistic. She didn't want you. A woman who isn't wild about you is not suddenly going to want you because you turn aggressive. Just face facts, stop blaming other people's advice when it was more likely a simple case of one person wanting it and the other, not so much. It happens.
I don't believe he's entirely wrong, though.
If a woman sees a guy not making any moves on her, she just assumes he isn't into her like that and loses interest (without even giving the guy any hints that she wants him to make a move).
She texted me back. And of course I let the voices in my head get the best of me. We both found out we are busy this weekend, but she "could do dinner Tuesday or Wednesday of this week." So thumbs up there.
I guess my question now is, do I try and push for dinner and a movie, or dinner and am improv show or something, or slow it down a bit and go with just dinner? Despite how I've sounded here, I don't want to start her to feel I'm being "clingy" or anything.
I think she is using you , she is showing all the signs of a professional dater. Im almost certain that I am correct. If you do end up going all the way with her, please give us an update. Are you going to just continue to invest time and money on her? When is the end game? I still do think you wouldve been lucky yesterday if she had any romantic interest in you.
Maybe be direct with her this time around and ask her if she thinks the relationship will develop. I have been in those shoes so many times back in the day.
She texted me back. And of course I let the voices in my head get the best of me. We both found out we are busy this weekend, but she "could do dinner Tuesday or Wednesday of this week." So thumbs up there.
I guess my question now is, do I try and push for dinner and a movie, or dinner and am improv show or something, or slow it down a bit and go with just dinner? Despite how I've sounded here, I don't want to start her to feel I'm being "clingy" or anything.
Hmm... How about dinner, and then if she's still up for hanging out a bit, you could do some dessert-hopping; hit a couple of places to sample the desserts, just for fun. That can be a little more spontaneous, and if she decides after the first dessert that she needs to get home, it's easy to cut it short, unlike a movie. Or ask her after dinner if she'd be up for an improve show, or if she needs to get back home.
I think she is using you , she is showing all the signs of a professional dater. Im almost certain that I am correct. If you do end up going all the way with her, please give us an update. Are you going to just continue to invest time and money on her? When is the end game? I still do think you wouldve been lucky yesterday if she had any romantic interest in you.
Maybe be direct with her this time around and ask her if she thinks the relationship will develop. I have been in those shoes so many times back in the day.
I learned the hard way years ago and I still think about it to this day. Girl was fine and pretty much everything I would want in a woman. I always told myself I should've been aggressive and maybe we could've had a long relationship. Instincts were telling me to make a move, but I followed advice from women who are advising the OP to be patient and continue to be BETA.
Relationships shouldnt only be about sex, but sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship
What you are saying does NOT go for EVERY woman just because that was YOUR experience or a friends experience!! And there are different ways of being assertive without just trying to bang the girl. Perhaps you just FAILED at that.
I know a guy that I'm CRAZZZY about. Crazy about him. I was interested in him, but I did NOT want to sleep with him before I knew where his head really was. And HE had made sexual overtones to me. Well..good thing because I found out the guy wasn't really interested in a relationship with me. Now, If I had just banged him because he wanted it, It would have been worse to find that out. Now, did I really like the guy?? Yes I did. A whole lot. But something told me to chill. Good thing, because the guy really isn't looking for a relationship with ANYONE right now, not just me. And he is STILL is not involved with anyone, and its been a year.
But..will he just have sex with someone?? Sure. But if you are a woman who is not looking to just be a good time, sometimes you try to find out more about a guy. This doesn't mean you don't like the guy. You just want to get to know the person before you give someone something you cant take back. Why is that sooooo hard for people to understand?
What you are saying does NOT go for EVERY woman just because that was YOUR experience or a friends experience!! And there are different ways of being assertive without just trying to bang the girl. Perhaps you just FAILED at that.
I know a guy that I'm CRAZZZY about. Crazy about him. I was interested in him, but I did NOT want to sleep with him before I knew where his head really was. And HE hade made some sexual overtones to me. Well..good thing because I found out the guy wasn't really interested in a relationship with me. Now, If I had just banged him because he wanted it, It would have been worse to find that out. Now, did I really like the guy?? Yes I did. A whole lot. but something told me to chill. good thing, because the guy really isn't looking for a relationship with ANYONE right now, not just me. And he is STILL is not involved with anyone, and its been a year.
But..will he just have sex with someone?? Sure. But if you are a woman who is not looking to just be a good time, sometimes you try to find out more about a guy. This doesn't mean you don't like the guy. You just want to get to know the person before you give someone something you cant take back. Why is that sooooo hard for people to understand?
Sheesh.
Because like you mentioned last page, with so many people having sex right away nowadays, a guy will assume you're not TRULY into him if you're making him wait.
Sad that it's the assumption, but that's dating a nutshell in this day and age.
I think she is using you , she is showing all the signs of a professional dater. Im almost certain that I am correct. If you do end up going all the way with her, please give us an update. Are you going to just continue to invest time and money on her? When is the end game? I still do think you wouldve been lucky yesterday if she had any romantic interest in you.
Maybe be direct with her this time around and ask her if she thinks the relationship will develop. I have been in those shoes so many times back in the day.
While I believe this COULD be a possibility, I also believe there is a very good chance that likes others have said, she just moves very slowly and patience is the key.
But you bring up a very good point, I think maybe after this next one, her and I need to have some kind of a check-in here. Again, no ultimatums or forcing her into anything, but maybe a simple "So we've been out four times now, and I've enjoyed each time and really like getting to know you! What about you? How are you feeling about how things are going?"
Is there a better way to ask that type of question?
This has been my experience with women. I've found that if they aren't sleeping with you, it's very likely that they're sleeping with someone else.
Maybe not all women are like this, but it's been my experience that a good portion are.
Let me guess - you're single?
Not all women are ready to jump in bed with someone just because it's the magical third date and we don't feel the need to put out because you bought us a couple of meals. Some women actually like to get to know a guy before they have sex and you can't do that in three dates. I even know two young women who didn't have sex until they got married. I realize that must sound pretty bizarre to most people these days.
While I believe this COULD be a possibility, I also believe there is a very good chance that likes others have said, she just moves very slowly and patience is the key.
But you bring up a very good point, I think maybe after this next one, her and I need to have some kind of a check-in here. Again, no ultimatums or forcing her into anything, but maybe a simple "So we've been out four times now, and I've enjoyed each time and really like getting to know you! What about you? How are you feeling about how things are going?"
Is there a better way to ask that type of question?
OP, you know she's into you; she suggested dinner. She clearly knows you're into her; you practically hit her over the head with it. It's not necessary at this stage to do a check-in. Give it another couple of dates. OTOH, it never hurts to tell someone you're enjoying their company. Maybe next date, if you're at the theater improv venue or the dessert place, you could make a joke out of it, and ask her "Are we having fun yet?" And that could be an opening for both of you (hopefully) to comment about how you enjoy each other's company. Instead of making a big declaration of it, keep it light.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-23-2016 at 06:39 PM..
Not all women are ready to jump in bed with someone just because it's the magical third date and we don't feel the need to put out because you bought us a couple of meals. Some women actually like to get to know a guy before they have sex and you can't do that in three dates. I even know two young women who didn't have sex until they got married. I realize that must sound pretty bizarre to most people these days.
While I like to take it slow myself, there's NO WAY I would wait till marriage to have sex either.
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How about dinner, and then if she's still up for hanging out a bit, you could do some dessert-hopping; hit a couple of places to sample the desserts, just for fun. That can be a little more spontaneous, and if she decides after the first dessert that she needs to get home, it's easy to cut it short, unlike a movie. Or ask her after dinner if she'd be up for an improve show, or if she needs to get back home.
I realize that must sound pretty bizarre to most people these days.
