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Old 10-23-2016, 05:06 PM
 
106 posts, read 128,850 times
Reputation: 251

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I have mild autism which causes me to overanalyze situations in a huge way. This has served me very well on the job - both in the past as well as currently - but this character flaw does not go over well in my home life. This has nothing to do with our son or me as a mother; that is not the issue. The issue is that I am a more subdued, more "square/nerdy", if you will, which is totally different from how my boyfriend knew me before. Although we are more or less just best friends right now, my overanalytical mind keeps telling me this is my fault and is because I am not the same person he has met. He insists that he has no problem with me and that I tend to make things harder on myself than what I should. Part of me, I guess, still seeks his approval of me (which normally is not like me at all). The sensible part of me says, " What more approval from him do you need?!? After all, he still chooses to stay with me and I am the sole executor on his will. I guess I miss the romance we used to have...but I know I need to grow the hell up and realize that dynamics have changed dramatically in our relationship in that department, but ironically this has made us respect each other more, I think. But the stupid, immature part of me misses our romance. Regardless, I need to turn to the Lord as He is the only One who can truly give me victory over my overanalytical nature at home. Could use everyone's prayers, please.
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Old 10-23-2016, 05:25 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,931 posts, read 52,342,630 times
Reputation: 52407
I'm sorry you're struggling with your overly-analytical mind. I tend to do that or have in the past, not quite as much these days. In terms of the romance thing you guys can squeeze a little in here and there, doesn't have to be grand gestures. Things fade and mellow and if you're with someone for a long time it won't be like the "honeymoon" stage. That's just how things work.
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Old 10-23-2016, 05:36 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,344,060 times
Reputation: 29336
It's neither stupid nor amateur. It's life. That first blush of the thrill of love settles-in over the years and relationships become more steady rather than giggly and giddy. Sometimes it takes only months (poor things) while for others it can take years. Life and its responsibilities, especially children, intrude, medical issues may arise and the relationship matures.

Don't worry about being analytical. My wife and I were professional political and legislative analysts. Ya wanna talk analytical? Still, 20 years later we manage to have fun and enjoy one another's company buoyed by our mutual love, respect and caring for one another.

Just try to relax and believe and believe in your boyfriend.
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Old 10-23-2016, 05:49 PM
 
106 posts, read 128,850 times
Reputation: 251
Oh, and for the record, when I am on the job (I work part-time in retail and I love it), my old personality comes back in that I am very gregarious and love being around lots of people...but once I clock out, it's like my light switch goes back off. It feels unreal.
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Old 10-23-2016, 06:02 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,931 posts, read 52,342,630 times
Reputation: 52407
Quote:
Originally Posted by janedoe1972 View Post
Oh, and for the record, when I am on the job (I work part-time in retail and I love it), my old personality comes back in that I am very gregarious and love being around lots of people...but once I clock out, it's like my light switch goes back off. It feels unreal.
A lot of people do that. I'm a quieter Introvert and tend to like small groups and less people interaction. When I'm at work I can be fun and outgoing and gregarious. But when I'm off the clock I prefer less of that stuff.
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Old 10-25-2016, 08:24 AM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,209,111 times
Reputation: 16578
I can't understand what you mean when you say "my old personality comes back"...or "totally different from how my boyfriend knew me".."I am not the same person he met"????
what do they mean???
Are you saying you've changed since your diagnosis of autism?...and if so, why?
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Old 10-25-2016, 09:28 AM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,882,406 times
Reputation: 8594
Quote:
Originally Posted by janedoe1972 View Post
I have mild autism which causes me to overanalyze situations in a huge way. This has served me very well on the job - both in the past as well as currently - but this character flaw does not go over well in my home life. This has nothing to do with our son or me as a mother; that is not the issue. The issue is that I am a more subdued, more "square/nerdy", if you will, which is totally different from how my boyfriend knew me before. Although we are more or less just best friends right now, my overanalytical mind keeps telling me this is my fault and is because I am not the same person he has met. He insists that he has no problem with me and that I tend to make things harder on myself than what I should. Part of me, I guess, still seeks his approval of me (which normally is not like me at all). The sensible part of me says, " What more approval from him do you need?!? After all, he still chooses to stay with me and I am the sole executor on his will. I guess I miss the romance we used to have...but I know I need to grow the hell up and realize that dynamics have changed dramatically in our relationship in that department, but ironically this has made us respect each other more, I think. But the stupid, immature part of me misses our romance. Regardless, I need to turn to the Lord as He is the only One who can truly give me victory over my overanalytical nature at home. Could use everyone's prayers, please.
Nothing wrong with wanting more romance in your life. It sounds like he is not meeting your needs in this area.
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