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Old 12-20-2016, 06:50 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,875,433 times
Reputation: 26919

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
Women never initiate flirting with me so to match her level of flirting would be no flirting at all lol
Do you like women?

I mean as people. Do you like them?

Or do you see them as something to conquer, which inscrutably keeps slipping from your grasp? A source of frustration? Things like that (which dehumanize a person and make her into a "thing" instead)?

Women love men who seem to love us. Unfortunately, that's why a few players (these tend to be a minority) get a lot of game, because they are able to fake this interest in us as people; in just being in our presence. Not awe or nervousness but genuine enjoyment. But other guys "get" women this way too...because they genuinely do enjoy being with women, just talking with women, laughing, hearing what they have to say, dancing with them, whatever.

Maybe you should find some great female friends or even hang out more with sisters if you have them, female cousins and so on. Get to know women as people, without hope for/expectation of sex/romance. You need to learn what women genuinely like, NOT sexually but just genuinely like as a whole. That doesn't mean being someone's lapdog, so I'm not saying "be the nice friend the girl can turn to for a $15 loan or some gas when she's stuck," I'm saying: women love men who love them! We are drawn to such men.

A man who can laugh with us, are actually interested - not "scripted" interested, and so on, is worth his weight in gold and will indeed be coveted.

Learn to like women. Get to know some as people and go from there.
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Old 12-20-2016, 07:19 PM
 
1,659 posts, read 1,247,820 times
Reputation: 3615
You're trying too hard here. Forget any cheesy pickup lines or reiterating canned responses from random dating videos. Those lines are awkward and obvious, which can make the situation worse for a person who's already nervous about it.

Rather than trying to flirt with a girl you're interested in, try to gain a new friend instead. I know that's not what you want, however, it's usually easier for a guy who's nervous to gain a new female friend, than it is to gain a date, etc. Friendship is usually easier to obtain because there isn't as many expectations. Strike up a conversation with women you are genuinely wanting to get to know better. Be a decent person, with a rather dry sense of humor, who's not afraid to laugh at himself. That'll get the ball rolling.

The plus side to this is you'll have several new female friends, you'll build up your confidence with women, and you'll eventually be able to flirt naturally without any cringe-worthy moments.

Last edited by Gretchen963; 12-20-2016 at 07:34 PM..
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Old 12-20-2016, 07:20 PM
 
290 posts, read 213,538 times
Reputation: 385
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
Do you like women?

I mean as people. Do you like them?

Or do you see them as something to conquer, which inscrutably keeps slipping from your grasp? A source of frustration? Things like that (which dehumanize a person and make her into a "thing" instead)?

Women love men who seem to love us. Unfortunately, that's why a few players (these tend to be a minority) get a lot of game, because they are able to fake this interest in us as people; in just being in our presence. Not awe or nervousness but genuine enjoyment. But other guys "get" women this way too...because they genuinely do enjoy being with women, just talking with women, laughing, hearing what they have to say, dancing with them, whatever.

Maybe you should find some great female friends or even hang out more with sisters if you have them, female cousins and so on. Get to know women as people, without hope for/expectation of sex/romance. You need to learn what women genuinely like, NOT sexually but just genuinely like as a whole. That doesn't mean being someone's lapdog, so I'm not saying "be the nice friend the girl can turn to for a $15 loan or some gas when she's stuck," I'm saying: women love men who love them! We are drawn to such men.

A man who can laugh with us, are actually interested - not "scripted" interested, and so on, is worth his weight in gold and will indeed be coveted.

Learn to like women. Get to know some as people and go from there.
i can almost guarantee a lot of guys who seem to struggle or be unlucky with dating dont have this issue. they genuinely do like women as people and can make them laugh...ask questions about themselves...etc. yet...this leads to nowhere.

i get the advice ur saying..and it's probably applicable for some guys...but its not for everyone in this situation.
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Old 12-20-2016, 08:19 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,216 posts, read 8,274,679 times
Reputation: 8628
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
Do you like women?

I mean as people. Do you like them?

Or do you see them as something to conquer, which inscrutably keeps slipping from your grasp? A source of frustration? Things like that (which dehumanize a person and make her into a "thing" instead)?

Women love men who seem to love us. Unfortunately, that's why a few players (these tend to be a minority) get a lot of game, because they are able to fake this interest in us as people; in just being in our presence. Not awe or nervousness but genuine enjoyment. But other guys "get" women this way too...because they genuinely do enjoy being with women, just talking with women, laughing, hearing what they have to say, dancing with them, whatever.

Maybe you should find some great female friends or even hang out more with sisters if you have them, female cousins and so on. Get to know women as people, without hope for/expectation of sex/romance. You need to learn what women genuinely like, NOT sexually but just genuinely like as a whole. That doesn't mean being someone's lapdog, so I'm not saying "be the nice friend the girl can turn to for a $15 loan or some gas when she's stuck," I'm saying: women love men who love them! We are drawn to such men.

A man who can laugh with us, are actually interested - not "scripted" interested, and so on, is worth his weight in gold and will indeed be coveted.

Learn to like women. Get to know some as people and go from there.
I don't think this is an issue although I get what you're saying and I agree. The majority of men like women overall and the ones who don't like women aka misogynists are in the minority. The only time I'd dislike a woman is if she's rude or has wronged me in some short of fashion. Other than that I'm nice to people who are nice to me.
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Old 12-20-2016, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Italy
70 posts, read 46,323 times
Reputation: 134
Flirting is talking or acting in a friendly way plus sexual attraction.

If you are just talking normally but lack sexuality it comes off as friendly.

If you are being overly sexual and not friendly enough it often comes off as creepy and out of context, unless the woman is already crazy for you.

What most men who don't get how flirting works lack is understanding how to be seen as sexually attractive. It's mostly through assertive and playful body language/tone of voice. Slightly prolonged eye contact is flirty. Finding a playful way to touch the other person on the arm or hand is flirty. Anything that reminds a woman that a man has a penis and he has no problems getting physical is the sexual component of the interaction. Don't forget it has to be done within social norms or the man suddenly becomes creepy. As for most things, finding the right balance is key to doing it well and practice is necessary.
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Old 12-20-2016, 10:06 PM
 
5,312 posts, read 6,081,720 times
Reputation: 4110
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
Do you like women?

I mean as people. Do you like them?

Or do you see them as something to conquer, which inscrutably keeps slipping from your grasp? A source of frustration? Things like that (which dehumanize a person and make her into a "thing" instead)?

Women love men who seem to love us. Unfortunately, that's why a few players (these tend to be a minority) get a lot of game, because they are able to fake this interest in us as people; in just being in our presence. Not awe or nervousness but genuine enjoyment. But other guys "get" women this way too...because they genuinely do enjoy being with women, just talking with women, laughing, hearing what they have to say, dancing with them, whatever.

Maybe you should find some great female friends or even hang out more with sisters if you have them, female cousins and so on. Get to know women as people, without hope for/expectation of sex/romance. You need to learn what women genuinely like, NOT sexually but just genuinely like as a whole. That doesn't mean being someone's lapdog, so I'm not saying "be the nice friend the girl can turn to for a $15 loan or some gas when she's stuck," I'm saying: women love men who love them! We are drawn to such men.

A man who can laugh with us, are actually interested - not "scripted" interested, and so on, is worth his weight in gold and will indeed be coveted.

Learn to like women. Get to know some as people and go from there.
Of course I like women..I'm just not the most social person in the world until you get to know me..

Im a laid back at times quiet person.its just who Iam
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Old 12-20-2016, 10:55 PM
 
Location: The State Of California
10,400 posts, read 15,509,201 times
Reputation: 4283
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
I have trouble flirting in fear of it coming out wrong or creepy since I not the smoothest person taking to women..

How do you flirt and take it to the next level without it coming off distespectful or creepy?
I don't know.
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Old 12-21-2016, 02:09 PM
 
741 posts, read 1,375,227 times
Reputation: 918
Here is one example of positive flirting and one of negative flirting as I have recently experienced them.

(I am a woman.)

Whole Foods; wine department. A man comes up and stands close but not too close. I was looking at Chardonnays and he said that he had seen me there before. "Oh, it's you again; wine shopping". I didn't think this creepy at all and replied something like probably, because I purchase wine there regularly. I took it that he had noticed me before. He initiated a conversation about oak v butter v tropical styles. This then veered off to French White Burgundies.

I took him to be flirting just based on the chemistry between us. It didn't hurt that he was attractive and attracted to me. There was no touching and no teasing which would definitely not work with me. End result, we have had two lunches and several phone conversations.

One that didn't work: Trader Joe's, in the cheese section. A man with a cart passes me and said "how are you" and I likely replied "fine, and you?". Neither of us stopped still but he paused and said "Much better now that I have seen you!" (Exclamation point intentional.) OK maybe that does not count as a full flirt- I just kept on walking with my cart and that was that.

IMO- 80-90% of the male employees at TJ's flirt- I think it must be in their training manual.
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Old 12-21-2016, 02:22 PM
 
Location: The Jerz (NJ)
602 posts, read 393,822 times
Reputation: 1133
just talk to us like normal human beings. Most of us like that.
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Old 12-21-2016, 02:23 PM
 
6,536 posts, read 7,257,157 times
Reputation: 3805
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alinka View Post
Here is one example of positive flirting and one of negative flirting as I have recently experienced them.

(I am a woman.)

Whole Foods; wine department. A man comes up and stands close but not too close. I was looking at Chardonnays and he said that he had seen me there before. "Oh, it's you again; wine shopping". I didn't think this creepy at all and replied something like probably, because I purchase wine there regularly. I took it that he had noticed me before. He initiated a conversation about oak v butter v tropical styles. This then veered off to French White Burgundies.

I took him to be flirting just based on the chemistry between us. It didn't hurt that he was attractive and attracted to me. There was no touching and no teasing which would definitely not work with me. End result, we have had two lunches and several phone conversations.

One that didn't work: Trader Joe's, in the cheese section. A man with a cart passes me and said "how are you" and I likely replied "fine, and you?". Neither of us stopped still but he paused and said "Much better now that I have seen you!" (Exclamation point intentional.) OK maybe that does not count as a full flirt- I just kept on walking with my cart and that was that.

IMO- 80-90% of the male employees at TJ's flirt- I think it must be in their training manual.
After reading all these posts it seems flirting is also a guy's role I guess. Anyways, I think these men did it right. Not too pushy or saying something disrespectful. You also had a nice attitude. There are women that can be in the same situations and they give the guy a frowny face, roll their eyes up, or just get angry.
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