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Originally Posted by CarGi87 View Post
Actually approach is also a vague concept.
I think many of the guys complaining about women having too much power in the interaction don't realize what goes on.
Approaching a woman effectively isn't rocket science. All a guy has to do is say "Hi, I'm xxx" shake hand, listen and remember her name then give a genuine compliment and small talk to know what she's like. If the feeling is good and both have time move the girl in a place where they can comfortably keep talking and go forward from there. If no time he can tell her to put her number in his mobile phone and call later. If nothing seems to spark just say with a smile "it was nice talking to you, have a nice day" and walk away. Incredibly terrifying, right?
Let me tell you what's really a terrifying approach. It's when a guy goes to a random girl and he is so desperate to have sex with her that the first thing he says is some unfunny pick up line (dude:"Oh my god! Are you hurt? Because you just fell from heaven" which proceeds to complain on an internet forum after the girl answers: "do you know who else fell from heaven? Satan."), then she tells her name but the guy won't remember because who cares, she has boobies and nothing else matters. Then she turns cold and wants to leave but doesn't tell the guy right away he's an idiot because she might be afraid to be unpolite (guy will also inevitably report on internet forums how bitchy and entitled the girl was). After a while the guy can either talk about totally uninteresting, boring and plain stuff he has no passion about for an overly prolonged amount of time in the hope of achieving god knows what or become a dancing monkey spouting unfunny jokes one after another because someone else on the internet told him that women like men who make them laugh (hint- women laugh at men they already like, not vice versa).
In either case the guy is being awkward for long periods of times. And that's the problem. Nobody likes resorting to be a dancing monkey to keep people's attention. Nobody likes to feel uncomfortable and waiting to be qualified by another person (whole ego is at stake in the bad interaction. If girl doesn't like guy he feels his worth as a human being is reduced). We can call this an approach but in reality the guy is just failing at social interaction and he is deservedly treated like a loser for it.
I've seen many guys doing stupid approaches of all kinds. If they just had a camera pointed at them and were forced to listen what they were saying and watch what they were doing they would understand who really is at fault in the interaction. The guys who fail at approaching and at understanding how this stuff works are the same guys who believe their real personality is worth nothing and they have to resort to tactics in the hope of making a better impression than they otherwise would.
Anyway even in a hypothetical world where every woman was showered by male attention and never initiated anything and every man was forced to either cold approach or die alone I would still choose to be a man. Why? Because having choice is worth a lot.
There are infinite women, men can just keep hitting the type they like until they get the result they want. Waiting for people to come and approach you and hoping one of them is mr.right is a premium time waster. When you don't get to choose you simply don't hold any power.
So, to the guys complaining about women not approaching, please stop feeling bad for yourself if women don't ask you out. You get to decide what to do with your life and the people you talk to. Isn't that great?
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I like this post. And there are many ways to approach. Essentially, talk to the woman like a human being
It's really easy. I used to see women as goddesses out of my league now not so much
It's really easy. I used to see women as goddesses out of my league now not so much
I myself used to think that you had to impress them with some out there saying, but they are more impressed with just being talked to instead of talked at.
I myself used to think that you had to impress them with some out there saying, but they are more impressed with just being talked to instead of talked at.
I would just let the conversation flow and if she said she had a boyfriend or was married then I'd back off. I know some people on here would tell me "Well you could at least be friends with her" but I don't pursue relationships of any kind with women who are already in relationships not even friendship. It just feels wrong and weird to do that.
Incredibly terrifying, yet, women don’t do it at least as much as men do. Approaching a man effectively isn’t rocket science for women either but they still don’t do it. I would think that in Asia women would be more reserved but at least in my case and other non-Asian friends that have lived in Asia know women do more approaching than in western countries. It’s nice to have a woman approach, break the ice, introduce herself, get you a drink or snack, ask when you can hang out again, exchange contact info., go out, and so on. Not sure why women, generally speaking, would keep themselves from ever doing all that for a guy they feel attracted to and rather just wait and leave it all to him. Maybe they can lose the opportunity to meet a nice guy.
So as for the question “Why don't women approach men to talk to?†, because they don’t need to. Is like asking why won’t people in a restaurant stand from their tables and go cook their meals? Well, no need to do that. The food is brought to their tables without any effort. They pick and choose what they want and enjoy. Will it ever change? I think so. Still a long way to go but it seems it is slowly changing here and there.
Lol!!! they wouldn't let us go back there and cook our own meals.
I would just let the conversation flow and if she said she had a boyfriend or was married then I'd back off. I know some people on here would tell me "Well you could at least be friends with her" but I don't pursue relationships of any kind with women who are already in relationships not even friendship. It just feels wrong and weird to do that.
Yeah, I'd back away from that, too. Too much of a risk factor there.
Women often complain that men are too afraid to approach to conversate, i know it's traditional for men to break the ice at first but why won't women do the same?
Lol!!! they wouldn't let us go back there and cook our own meals.
Haha! I know! But you sort of got the idea, right? Imagine telling the chef to step aside haha! I tried to illustrate with that example why women don't put the effort to dare themselves to approach a guy and do all those things they expect guys to do. Why? Because guys will approach them. Sure there may be a girl here and there somewhere that might put the effort of approaching a guy and doing all those things guys have been doing since the beginning of humanity. Exceptions exist. Things are changing, slowly, but at least its happening.
Incredibly terrifying, yet, women dont do it at least as much as men do. Approaching a man effectively isnt rocket science for women either but they still dont do it. I would think that in Asia women would be more reserved but at least in my case and other non-Asian friends that have lived in Asia know women do more approaching than in western countries. Its nice to have a woman approach, break the ice, introduce herself, get you a drink or snack, ask when you can hang out again, exchange contact info., go out, and so on. Not sure why women, generally speaking, would keep themselves from ever doing all that for a guy they feel attracted to and rather just wait and leave it all to him. Maybe they can lose the opportunity to meet a nice guy.
So as for the question Why don't women approach men to talk to? , because they dont need to. Is like asking why wont people in a restaurant stand from their tables and go cook their meals? Well, no need to do that. The food is brought to their tables without any effort. They pick and choose what they want and enjoy. Will it ever change? I think so. Still a long way to go but it seems it is slowly changing here and there.
As a woman with no real shortage of options, I can agree with that..
But as far as "things changing" - they already have changed. The entire dating process has changed - for those who need it to.
* Online dating is a perfect example.
People are incredibly resourceful when it comes down to getting their basic needs met - whether it's keeping a roof over their head, putting food on the table, or propagating the species. ~ Those survival instincts kick in real strong in the face of adversity... You do what you gotta do. Simple as that.
I don't pursue relationships of any kind with women who are already in relationships not even friendship. It just feels wrong and weird to do that.
I know.
Friendships are so weird.
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But you sort of got the idea, right? 
