Why don't women approach men to talk to? (numbers, close, emotional)
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Regarding JerZ's advice to reconsider your standards, I look at it this way. If you're passing on women you like, respect, feel strongly attracted to, and who share a good number of your important values, because you think you need some ill defined "more", I'd suggest that you take a long look at "more". Is "more" about ego or validation or to prove something to your ex? Those kind of "standards" are unhealthy and unproductive, and well worth letting go. However if you're looking for a good mutual connection with a woman who is on the same or similar page as you, then I would stick with that. If you can't connect with a woman like that, then look at the things you've identified and put your efforts into improving there. My guess is you may need do less, rather than more, in the sense of getting out of your own way.
Well said. I agree. I just need to relax around women and not view the ones I want as "better than I am", or "out of my league". The unfortunate thing is where I live now, most of those women who I'm attracted to are either married or probably too young. But you perfectly described what I'm looking for and I'm not lowering my standards. I just have to not over think it and be relaxed.
Regarding JerZ's advice to reconsider your standards, I look at it this way. If you're passing on women you like, respect, feel strongly attracted to, and who share a good number of your important values, because you think you need some ill defined "more", I'd suggest that you take a long look at "more". Is "more" about ego or validation or to prove something to your ex? Those kind of "standards" are unhealthy and unproductive, and well worth letting go. However if you're looking for a good mutual connection with a woman who is on the same or similar page as you, then I would stick with that. If you can't connect with a woman like that, then look at the things you've identified and put your efforts into improving there. My guess is you may need do less, rather than more, in the sense of getting out of your own way.
I also think it comes down to some guys being more approachable than others. It also depend on the kind of man you are. If you are a dominant man girls will most likely not approach much.
I've been approached directly only two or three times in my life but had my fair share of partners and I wouldn't say I'm unattractive. But most girls I talk with say I am too intense and they expect me to make a move if I like them. I have friends who get approached a lot and they definitely give a more friendly first impression. A special circumstance would be if the guy is popular in a certain environment (like a dj for example,or a barman). Some of these will get swarmed by girls who want one night stands.
If a person specifically goes to other people (such as here, in a forum) to ask for help/aid/advice, with a specific complaint about not being able to obtain a mate, then yes, of course those people may be "criticized", or at least, they'll be questioned to find out exactly what the problem is...otherwise, how the heck can anyone give the help that is being ASKED for?
Seems pretty simple to me.
I doubt any of us is stopping Atlguy on the street, yanking him aside, and barking criticisms about his preferences into his face, unsolicited, while he mumbles, "But I just want the freedom to have my preferences in peace."
Wanting what one wants is fine. Wanting what one wants and never getting it, period, and worrying and fretting about getting older and possibly never finding that thing, and specifically asking people how to avoid it, is asking for people to delve deeper. We are not psychic. What are we supposed to say? "You're right, and you'll never get what you want?" Or, "Well, what is it you're doing, whom are you looking for, how do you approach," etc., etc.? And, yes... "Are you being too demanding?" Because obviously that's a possibility.
Although my name (UsAll) appears in the quote you have in your posting (where it says "Originally posted by _____", that is actually not a quote of mine. It appears that through Monday & Tuesday, 12/5 & 12/6/2016, for a variety of posters (including myself), C-D has been experiencing a technical glitch as far as not being able to allow us to correctly quote someone the way the quoting mechanism usually works.
P.S.-- You see what I'm talking about? I just quoted the poster named JerZ and posted my response that you see above and yet now I don't even see JerZ's name appearing anywhere in this new posting at all.
I also think it comes down to some guys being more approachable than others. It also depend on the kind of man you are. If you are a dominant man girls will most likely not approach much.
I've been approached directly only two or three times in my life but had my fair share of partners and I wouldn't say I'm unattractive. But most girls I talk with say I am too intense and they expect me to make a move if I like them. I have friends who get approached a lot and they definitely give a more friendly first impression. A special circumstance would be if the guy is popular in a certain environment (like a dj for example,or a barman). Some of these will get swarmed by girls who want one night stands.
I played in bands and would have women chat me up all the time, despite never chatting me up randomly any other place. I made it a policy after a dumpster fire of a non-hook up encounter, that I would never hook up with any girl I met while playing music.
The most common stubborn reasons I hear from women is that "because guys are hunters", "because men court women, its been that way traditionally"
I bet a lot of those same women approach guys they find attractive. Women won't let someone they view as a good prospect get away without at least an attempt to start something.
The most common stubborn reasons I hear from women is that "because guys are hunters", "because men court women, its been that way traditionally"
Good thing that not all women see it that way. I have no problem chatting up a guy I'm attracted to. How else is he supposed to notice me and know I'm interested? Not all guys are constantly checking out women, and, being average, I don't really stand out in a crowd.
I bet a lot of those same women approach guys they find attractive. Women won't let someone they view as a good prospect get away without at least an attempt to start something.
Really? There are many women who refuse to approach a man even if she likes him.
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