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OP, if you are going to continue seeing this girl, tread lightly.
As others have said, your telling her that you have other girls in the wings, stupid move! If she's kissing you, that's a good sign. But do not force the issue of sex right now - she needs time, she's been hurt, and she's still "feeling you out" (term used loosely); Coach Corey Wayne speaks more on the "pump-her-and-dump-her" method. This is something that women are not Looking for in a guy. Apparently you want a monogamous relationship with this girl, right? I will agree with Corey Wayne in terms of "hang out, have fun", but if you corner her into "hooking up", too soon, she may very well shut down on you.
I don't think she's friendzoned you, but she's not locking you in, either. I'd say she may consider you boyfriend material, but you need to chill out, spend time with her, and keep your hormonal balances in check. It takes longer for a woman to fall in love with a man, than vice versa. Give it a little more time.
Is this for real? If it is, then you just blew it. Seriously. I mean if a woman says she's not ready, then she's not ready. It's not a freaking race. You're not the driver on a bus line having to make his stops. This is about establishing connection and trust.
Women hate ultimatums. So I'm amazed this woman is even speaking to you. Speaks volumes about her self-esteem.
I'm with you there. They've been on 5-6 dates and then the guy is getting them a hotel room? I can see why she would want to make it clear up front that she's really not ready to go beyond kissing at that point. There are a lot of expectations that might come with getting a hotel room and she simply wasn't ready at that point to have sex with the OP.
Just because a person isn't ready after 5-6 dates doesn't necessarily mean she'll never be ready. It doesn't sound like you two know each other very well yet and I don't see why she has to want to go from 10-60 in one date. There has to be a logical progression so she feels comfortable with you. I don't think most women want to make out with just any guy. I know I don't, but I might tell a guy I don't want to have sex with him at this time if I am not ready to have sex with him at this time. Sometimes women just say what they mean and she might have meant that she wasn't ready to move the relationship quickly.
Just to be clear I never once said she was an option. I made it pretty clear what my intentions were. She was cool with me today and more engaging in general so I don't think she is upset with me.
She still wants to hangout with me and get to know each other slowly. If my response was a huge turn off to you, it seems like she did not take it that way. She approached me in class today and was the one leading the convo and chagning topics of discussion ALOT more than usual. Idk what to do lmao
What to do is simple. Follow her lead, but push the boundaries very slightly as you move along with her. At the same time, keep your other options open and working (it serves no purpose to tell her about your other girls) until the time, if and when, she she decides that she doesn't need to take things "slowly" any more or is more committed to moving things forward.
Its a long shot. I do not want to keep spending money (im in college struggling with rent and bills as is) on her if she is just going to keep me hanging
Don't spend money on her. Do other things instead that don't cost much.
I didn't want to come off as a tantrum. I figured by saying "just friends" that she was friend zoning me. And once you are there, there's no way out right?
One, "in my opinion" you did the right thing, not being satisfied being on the Friend Ladder vs. Good (Real) Ladder. But, depends what you are comfortable with, how much time-wasting you need to be satisfied you did all you could.
Two, ladder-jumping is tough, I've never had it work other than...once I halfway ladder-jumped with a girl who started on Good (Real) Ladder, moved to Friend Ladder by mutual-assent, then tried to jump back on the Good (Real) Ladder half a year later. Didn't work for us, we both called it quits on that fairly quickly. Things had just...changed. It was less than comfortable. Furthermore, I've been cast into the Abyss a few times when trying. Twice, memorably, when I was less-wise in my early to mid-20s. That's about when men start to wise up, in my experience.
But hey: it's your time and resources, only you know your goals. If Friend Zone or other platonic is OK with you, you don't mind being in the pack of her girlfriends, hey: power to you. I have a female friend totally in the Friend Zone, she's inner circle these days, there is no upside and only downside to anything more between us. That's a rare exception in my world, but sometimes it works out that way to the betterment of all.
I don't think you want this lady in your Friend Zone (ladder), though. I'd bail, over the next period of time when you can gracefully exit, otherwise future frustration awaits. My $.02. Most women can't "get" these concepts, but guys always can...eventually.
Just to be clear I never once said she was an option. I made it pretty clear what my intentions were. She was cool with me today and more engaging in general so I don't think she is upset with me.
I am guessing you are both Millenials. If so, you guys are a different breed of cat altogether from previous generations.
Not saying there is anything wrong with that, just that you guy's interpersonal dynamic, and not just sexual, is so different from what it was when I was growing up back in the mid-Jurassic, that maybe I can't even offer you any useful advice.
So, were/are you friend-zoned? Damned if I can tell, frankly!
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