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Dated my GF since early 2008 and we moved into our apartment in May. Since then everything has been a fight. We fight over the grocery list( we're both into different kinds of food), the dishes( we both hate doing them so it's a fight over who has to do them), the tv. Everything in this place can be turned into an argument and I'm sick of it because this isn't like us. She was picking fights over how I hung up my jeans.. I'm at fault 100% of the time in her mind.
She is not going to change, and you cannot change her, so quit wasting your time. You need to set boundaries and prepare to cut her loose. Read her the Riot Act, and if she doesn't like it, let her leave. Or you move out, whichever is easiest for you.
She is not going to change, and you cannot change her, so quit wasting your time. You need to set boundaries and prepare to cut her loose. Read her the Riot Act, and if she doesn't like it, let her leave. Or you move out, whichever is easiest for you.
People can change. I did and so did my husband as we adjusted to living together. I changed because I was motivated to. My husband didn't read me the riot act, he injected humor into things and teased me into submission. He would call me "Miss Bossypants" and he taunted me with his food choices, insisting that I secretly wanted them as much as he did. His good humor made it impossible to take our differences too seriously.
Unfortunately most of our communicating is childish name calling and yelling.
And this only started after you moved in together? For 8 years, no name calling or yelling, but now, suddenly, there are grenades going off all the time?
Some people are very particular about housecleaning details. (Hanging up jeans (who does that, anyway? Who hangs jeans?), how to hang towels) There can be an adjustment period with compromises to be made. Maybe you could stake out a spare closet as yours, and it's off-limits to her for re-arranging.
You two eat different food from each other? You've dated for 8 years, but have eaten non-compatible diets? How do you coordinate meals together? In any case, there's no need to fight over a grocery list, is there? Just write down what you need on a central list, she contributes what she needs, and whoever goes to the store buys for both. Is that so hard? If you've been dating for 8 years, one would assume you're mature enough, old enough, to manage such simple things. Unless you were 12 when you started dating.
Dishes: each wash their own. Whoever cooks washes the cook pots. Both of you have been living alone, so both of you have already been washing your own dishes and cookware. Just keep doing that. How old are you two?
Uhm....yes, this could be a fight! Who puts jeans on a shelf and then you have to dig to the bottom to get the ones you want? Or do you dig through a drawer - drawer space is at a premium - not for jeans!!!!!!!!!!!!
But seriously, OP - if a couple can't agree on silly stuff like this then each does "their own". You do your own laundry and then it's YOUR problem if you put something red in with the whites, not MINE! You fold and hang your own laundry - you can do it however you want.
As for hating to do dishes, what did you do when you were living on your own? Eat off of paper plates? Then do that now and you each throw yours away! Or you wash your own...whatever -it's not that hard to figure out.
This is all silly - you're both looking for stuff to fight over so that bodes very poorly for the relationship as a whole. Save your energy for REAL issues like when or if you're getting married, kids, and how much money to save! Really!
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. I'm at fault 100% of the time in her mind.
