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Old 11-09-2016, 05:46 AM
 
69 posts, read 33,609 times
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my BF called his ex wife "my wife" during an argument with me.. he corrected himself and agreed it was wrong to say but insists it was just a slip of the tongue. they were married 15 years, divorced for 1 but separated for 3

ill add some details later but just wanted to get some feedback on this "slip up" is this normal? a sign of something i should really be concerned about?

have you ever done it? does it mean that he loves her, thinks of her? misses her? cant let go of their marriage deep down?

thank you
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Old 11-09-2016, 06:09 AM
 
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This is completely normal. He had 15 years of identifying the woman in conversation as "my wife". It will slip in by accident occasionally for a number of years. Don't worry about it.
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Old 11-09-2016, 06:10 AM
 
Location: Florida
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Not a biggie.
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Old 11-09-2016, 06:13 AM
 
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
2,492 posts, read 2,185,556 times
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I get why your mad but I wouldn't read into it. For all intensive purposes she was his wife once and could be called that in the future. Kind of like when you call a girl the prom queen years after she graduates. In conversation you probably aren't going to say ex .
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Old 11-09-2016, 06:28 AM
 
69 posts, read 33,609 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyn7cyn View Post
. Kind of like when you call a girl the prom queen years after she graduates. In conversation you probably aren't going to say ex .
To me it's way different than a name skip. Once I said my ex's name when calling my son and he called her name when talking about his daughter.. that did Not bother me.. to me " my wife" carries a lot of weight and meaning.. and I can't help but wonder why that type of lifetime commitment wording came out of his mouth
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Old 11-09-2016, 06:35 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina
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You did get where they were a huge part of each others for nearly 20 years, right?

I would relate this to muscle memory. He called her his wife for a very long time. It's a habit. They don't go away overnight.

Now, if he called her name while you two were, ya know, then there might be an issue.
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Old 11-09-2016, 06:42 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,335 posts, read 15,654,596 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
This is completely normal. He had 15 years of identifying the woman in conversation as "my wife". It will slip in by accident occasionally for a number of years. Don't worry about it.
I agree. I was an accident. Just forget it.
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Old 11-09-2016, 06:51 AM
 
69 posts, read 33,609 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reds37win View Post
You did get where they were a huge part of each others for nearly 20 years, right?

I would relate this to muscle memory. He called her his wife for a very long time. It's a habit. They don't go away overnight.

Now, if he called her name while you two were, ya know, then there might be an issue.

Not that he did that, but if it's related to muscle memory, habit etc then how would it be different in that intimate moment. To me saying my wife is using a loving wording similarly intimate
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Old 11-09-2016, 06:55 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina
1,843 posts, read 860,416 times
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Originally Posted by Ninabell View Post
Not that he did that, but if it's related to muscle memory, habit etc then how would it be different in that intimate moment. To me saying my wife is using a loving wording on
Well, it certainly is your choice to interpret it that way. So far, just about everyone who has posted has indicated they don't think it's a big deal, but, at the end of the day, it has to be your decision.

Realistically, it sounds like you were hoping for some affirmation to justify ending the relationship. Again, that is your choice, but I doubt you'll get many affirmations here.

ETA: It sounds like he is in his late 30's. If you are close in age, I would offer that this is going to be a challenge for you in other relationships, as well. Maybe they won't call out their ex's name, but any long-term relationship is going to retain artifacts (ie. baggage).
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Old 11-09-2016, 07:01 AM
 
69 posts, read 33,609 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reds37win View Post
Well, it certainly is your choice to interpret it that way. So far, just about everyone who has posted has indicated they don't think it's a big deal, but, at the end of the day, it has to be your decision.

Realistically, it sounds like you were hoping for some affirmation to justify ending the relationship. Again, that is your choice, but I doubt you'll get many affirmations here.

I'm not. I love him so much and I'm so hurt by this. I just feel that it's possible that it has some huge meaning that I don't want to ignore.. I have ignored things with other relationships in the past, stupidly
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