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Old 02-23-2009, 03:22 PM
 
25,169 posts, read 34,515,946 times
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People use bad language in heated arguments. Let's be for real.

Violence or punching holes in the wall is not good at all because you can easily go to prison for that because the cops press the charges not the victim.
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Incognito
6,995 posts, read 13,087,274 times
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I have never called the wife any degrading names in the heat of an arguement. I would feel like shyt if I ever do. I just call her princess. This pissess her off more than any other bad name. LOL
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Nowhere
9,754 posts, read 2,155,936 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
People use bad language in heated arguments. Let's be for real.

Violence or punching holes in the wall is not good at all because you can easily go to prison for that because the cops press the charges not the victim.
Personally, I think calling people names or being blatantly disrespectful is hitting below the belt. Attack the idea not the person. I don't want anyone talking to me like that no matter how angry they are.. I don't talk to others that way. And verbal or physical assault is wrong whether you're punished for your behavior or not.. You know people are fallible.. so it's kinda pointless being that angry at someone.. we all think differently.. why get bent on someone that is just different from you? If you don't like their behavior.. bail and find someone more compatible. Life's too short and it's impossible to change someone. I tell you what.. when someone is violent with me verbally or physically.. they've just lost my attention. I'm out.. if others choose to deal with people when they are like that.. you're just choosing to take the hard road, imo. And one more thing.. my grandmother always told me that you teach people how you want to be treated ..I agree with her.
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:40 PM
 
25,169 posts, read 34,515,946 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlaGrrrl View Post
Personally, I think calling people names or being blatantly disrespectful is hitting below the belt. Attack the idea not the person. I don't want anyone talking to me like that no matter how angry they are.. I don't talk to others that way. And verbal or physical assault is wrong whether you're punished for your behavior or not.. You know people are fallible.. so it's kinda pointless being that angry at someone.. we all think differently.. why get bent on someone that is just different from you? If you don't like their behavior.. bail and find someone more compatible. Life's too short and it's impossible to change someone. I tell you what.. when someone is violent with me verbally or physically.. they've just lost my attention. I'm out.. if others choose to deal with people when they are like that.. you're just choosing to take the hard road, imo. And one more thing.. my grandmother always told me that you teach people how you want to be treated ..I agree with her.
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:43 PM
 
Location: Nowhere
9,754 posts, read 2,155,936 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Uhhh.. yeah? And...
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Old 02-23-2009, 04:07 PM
 
2,085 posts, read 2,982,947 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orangie View Post
'crazy' and/or 'b*tch' during a heated argument? What about throwing a glass at the wall and shattering it and punching a hole in a door? To me these seem way over the top under any circumstances. Just wondering what others think.
I'd walk. But I have experience living in an abusive relationship, so I tend to be rather zero-tolerance about that sort of thing.
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Old 02-23-2009, 04:38 PM
 
Location: Tennessee bound...someday
2,516 posts, read 3,020,021 times
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Default Please do not go back to him

Quote:
Originally Posted by turtle29 View Post
In my search for some unbiased advice, I stumbled upon this forum. My husband and I have been married 4 years, together almost 9 years. We have a passionate, romantic, somewhat turbulent past. We are both stubborn and fiery. When we fight, he resorts to raising his voice and hurtful words. It started with "pyscho" and "I don't care, then, leave" "don't come back". He would apologize after the silent treatment and that was it. We fight more than once every 2 years though, more like every 2 months. Our fights took a turn recently, he said in December, "he wished he could bash my head in" and then in January, "he wished he could stick his fork in my head". You're horrified I know, but he's never been violent and I know without a doubt he would never harm me physically. Now, we have a baby, I told him he can't fight with me infront of her and what has he done now in the short time she's been born, nothing but raise his voice. Today was the worst, I merely asked for clarification and he in his stuborness would not elaborate and got aggitated. Began yelling because I got frustrated and banging the chair on the floor, at which point, the baby began crying hysterically. I was so mad that he once again let me down, I wasn't thinking and pushed him (gently, I know I'm wrong too) out my way to get the baby in which he responded by pushing me back. Had I not been in the shape I am, I would have fell and it left my arm throbbing. I swooped up the baby and left. I have no one to talk to. I don't want to call family because I know I will go back and everyone will look at him as an abusive partner, which he is, but not physically. Is there anyway to improve? Am i to blame, did I push him over the edge? Can someone like this get help and change? Despite all the mean things he says or does, I can't help but love him so much.

I don't usually quote an entire post when responding, but I have to in this case. This is a revived thread from a year ago, so a lot of "regulars" will probably
miss your post. I hope a bunch of strangers whom you will most likely never meet, will step up to the keyboard and convince you to stay away from
your husband. I am serious! Call your friends, call a crisis hotline, call Dr. Phil. Do whatever it takes to NOT go back to that maniac!

Please. You know he IS abusive. Verbally and physically. He has been "nice enough" to warn you first. Give him the opportunity, and he WILL
bash your head in. He WILL stab you with a fork. He is a ticking time bomb. Even if you have no self-esteem to keep away from him - think of your baby!!!

Read what you wrote again - especially the bolded sentence. You are lying to yourself because it's too hard to deal with the truth. Keep yourself and
your child out of the presence of that monster. He's going to detonate, and soon.
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Old 02-24-2009, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Westchester County
1,047 posts, read 845,842 times
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I agree that under no circumstances no one should ever be physically or verbally abusive towards their spouse. This is especially true for physical abuse. To say the same for a verbal altercation where neither party should either curse or call each other derogatory names is a bit less realistic. In an ideal world this holds the same weight as physical abuse, but it doesn't. Once again this is part of a double standard that has (and will always) exist between men and women. For men physical and verbal abuse is NEVER (rightfully so) tolerated, but for women IMO only the physical abuse (even then in the rarest of circumstances) is the only negative behavior NOT tolerated. Ask a lot of married men and they'll tell you of the verbal tirades their wives went on yelling, screaming, and calling them every name in the book, but the second he responds with the "B" word he may as well have been arrested on the spot (That actually happened to my friend although the cops were smart enough to do a COMPLETE investigation, and determine he never laid a hand at her, and she did admit to calling him about 3 dozen other things before he responded to her barrage with the "B" word).
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Old 02-24-2009, 09:30 PM
 
71 posts, read 133,607 times
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This is a hard one I think to judge. Me and My SO have a fight about once a month, and we call each other names often. But I suppose we may not be at all typical. For us its more of a power struggle than actually trying to hurt each others feelings. However we NEVER get physical and if we did it would probably be the end. From what I read, and its not as if I know the situation entirely, it sounds like you two just had an argument that got out of hand. It seems like you were the one who instigated the physical part of the argument, and no blows were really dealt besides a push. I think if you are interested in saving this relationship you need to sit down and have a CALM conversation about the fighting.
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Old 02-24-2009, 09:45 PM
 
Location: new jersey
315 posts, read 644,051 times
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my ex and i had these horrible non verbal fights. rather, i would be non-verbal and he would get so frustrated with me that he would raise his voice and start yelling. i was always afraid to say something i couldn't take back so i said nothing at all. not the best way to communicate but i made sure i never said anything i would be sorry about.

we did fall into the f-you a couple times but that was when we were both really mad. our anger and frustration would be so great that we couldn't express it and well, sometimes f-you just fills in all the blanks.

he did get so angry at me one time that he punched a wall. but serves him right, he hit a stud instead of drywall and almost broke his hand. well, that certainly diffused the situation cause we had to laugh at his dumb luck. i never, ever worried about him getting physical with me. i know i've been angry enough to throw things but being the practical person i am (and knowing i would eventually have to clean up or fix whatever was broken) i tend to throw soft objects. ok, not as effective but it worked for me.
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