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Taking a week to think about whether or not you even want to be in the relationship is pretty immature in the context of a long-term supposedly committed relationship..
Thinking is not immature. Many relationships end, this person is just thinking about it first. The thought crosses many people's minds, are you encouraging not thinking, or just arguing to argue?
Thinking is not immature. Many relationships end, this person is just thinking about it first. The thought crosses many people's minds, are you encouraging not thinking, or just arguing to argue?
I would encourage open communication with each other.
Is this how you deal with things that make you feel uncomfortable in your relationship? By putting your relationships on hold while you take a break? If so, how is that working out for you?
I would encourage open communication with each other.
Is this how you deal with things that make you feel uncomfortable in your relationship? By putting your relationships on hold while you take a break? If so, how is that working out for you?
You seem to be encouraging OP to move along, actually.
Nope, have never been in that position, on hold, but I do think. I'm just surmising why one shouldn't throw it all away, and the OP isn't exhibiting behaviors that are illogical either.
Do you kick 'em to the curb when things make you uncomfortable? If you have a s/o hasn't she has accepted your need to always be right?
How would you want you husband to deal with the situation in which he started to lose attraction to you? How would you deal with it if you started to lose attraction to him?
If you're talking physical -- My husband is more attracted to me for the whole package of who I am -- looks is part of it but also he is attracted to me because he loves me as a person.
I feel the same about him. As a matter of fact, he recently got a promotion to a very stressful executive level position and his mother is also going through cancer treatment, so he's under a lot of stress. So he's put on a few pounds but it's not a big deal to me, I'm still very much attracted to him.
We are in our 50s and we are well aware that we don't look as good as we did when our relationship started.
If you're talking other reasons for not being attracted (Laziness of appearance, or personality/behaviors, etc) THAT is likely something I can control and change if I know about it. I'll flat out tell my husband if he's being a dick and turning me off, and he tells me when I'm doing the same with bitchy behavior, or if he doesn't like something I'm wearing.
You seem to be encouraging OP to move along, actually.
Nope, have never been in that position, on hold, but I do think. I'm just surmising why one shouldn't throw it all away, and the OP isn't exhibiting behaviors that are illogical either.
Do you kick 'em to the curb when things make you uncomfortable? If you have a s/o hasn't she has accepted your need to always be right?
Is that you daddy?
He should move along. He should not accept treatment like this unless he is OK with this happening any time she is unhappy.
On the other hand, if he is OK with this then he should do the same. In any case in which he is having feelings that are affecting his relationship, he should take a "break" by himself to reconsider the relationship.
As far as myself, I would have kicked my SO to the curb a long time ago if she had exhibited the behavior that this guy's girlfriend has exhibited and I would expect her to do the same to me if I acted the same way.
If you're talking physical -- My husband is more attracted to me for the whole package of who I am -- looks is part of it but also he is attracted to me because he loves me as a person.
I feel the same about him. As a matter of fact, he recently got a promotion to a very stressful executive level position and his mother is also going through cancer treatment, so he's under a lot of stress. So he's put on a few pounds but it's not a big deal to me, I'm still very much attracted to him.
We are in our 50s and we are well aware that we don't look as good as we did when our relationship started.
If you're talking other reasons for not being attracted (Laziness of appearance, or personality/behaviors, etc) THAT is likely something I can control and change if I know about it. I'll flat out tell my husband if he's being a dick and turning me off, and he tells me when I'm doing the same with bitchy behavior, or if he doesn't like something I'm wearing.
People can't control what makes them attracted or not attracted to someone. Part of the OP's issue was the fact that his girlfriend WAS being lazy in her appearance.
You seem to have a successful relationship. Notice how both you and your husband can talk about things that turn you off without having to put the relationship on hold to rethink things. Other people should pay attention to this.
You seem to be encouraging OP to move along, actually.
Nope, have never been in that position, on hold, but I do think. I'm just surmising why one shouldn't throw it all away, and the OP isn't exhibiting behaviors that are illogical either.
Do you kick 'em to the curb when things make you uncomfortable? If you have a s/o hasn't she has accepted your need to always be right?
Is that you daddy?
How do you deal with things that make you feel sad or defensive or hurt in your long term relationships? Do you put them on hold while you take a break to reconsider the relationship?
People can't control what makes them attracted or not attracted to someone. Part of the OP's issue was the fact that his girlfriend WAS being lazy in her appearance.
You seem to have a successful relationship. Notice how both you and your husband can talk about things that turn you off without having to put the relationship on hold to rethink things. Other people should pay attention to this.
Well, we are married. It's not like I'm going to divorce him over 10 pounds even if he does nothing but eat chips. Our relationship is a lot deeper than that.
It's different if you are the OP and just dating for a year and a half. However, I do have to say we are only getting one side of the story, and thus everyone is quick to jump on this poor girls' ass without knowing why she wants to take a break.
For example, if he laid this on her (about not being physically attractive) after weeks of constantly telling her how beautiful she is when they're just hanging out, etc. then it may be more about her not being able to trust what he says and doesn't want to feel like she is always second guessing him.
Maybe these cooking sessions involve a lot of rich and fattening food that HE wants to cook and yet now that she's put on pounds he's not attracted. Who knows.
It doesn't really sound like he loves her enough to stay. BTW he did say he likes the way she smells so I don't think hygiene is the issue.
I wouldn't say that, no. I think in large part, I've taken for granted all of the truly amazing things about our relationship. Now that we are potentially on the brink, I am seeing all of these things and realizing that my love for her is about far more than looks alone.
If she were to accept my apology, I would stop focusing on the weight/looks and focus more on understanding her, making her feel less stressed, and being healthier together. In other words, I would focus on the root of why things may have changed in the first place, and work together with her to make these things better. If that's a wrong approach, let me know.
It looks like you don't want her to be out of your life EVER. How about planning a speech explaining what you have been going through the past few days and what you realize and a proposal?
He should move along. He should not accept treatment like this unless he is OK with this happening any time she is unhappy.
On the other hand, if he is OK with this then he should do the same. In any case in which he is having feelings that are affecting his relationship, he should take a "break" by himself to reconsider the relationship.
As far as myself, I would have kicked my SO to the curb a long time ago if she had exhibited the behavior that this guy's girlfriend has exhibited and I would expect her to do the same to me if I acted the same way.
I understand the point you are making. It's not acceptable to take a break when there's a problem in a relationship. You should discuss it right away and work it out. BUT what if the other person has done something that has you questioning the entire foundation your relationship is based on? They cheated on you or lied to you or hurt your feelings deeply. You still love them, but you need some time to work through your feelings and decide if you can forgive what they did to hurt you. This wasn't just a silly fight or disagreement. He deeply hurt her feelings. You can say she's being dramatic and what he said wasn't any big deal, but it was a big deal to her. She isn't asking for space to be dramatic of hurt him or push him around. She legitimately wants some space to think. He said their relationship has been great up to this point, so it sounds like she isn't one to be petty over nothing.
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