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Background: SO and I were together from 2011-beginning of 2013... We recently got back together and things, for the most part, has been great except for a couple of arguments (nothing too major)
So SO, who is white, has a friend group that is mostly Indian. Is best friend is Indian, and he is also good friends with his best friend's brothers. The groom is Indian, so is the bride, so it's obviously going to be an Indian wedding. I've never been to an Indian weeding, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to go to one since I've heard they are amazing.
One of the guys' in SO's friend group (37ish) is getting married in December. I have met this friend a few times and he has always been very friendly. SO got a +1 to the wedding, so I assumed I was going to be able to go I had lunch with my S/O today and he told me that he wasn't going to use the +1 for the wedding. I was kind of upset about it and I asked him why.
He told me that the day of the wedding, although he is not strictly a Groomsman, he is apart of the wedding, he is going to be super busy with the wedding and wouldn't be able to be with me for most of the wedding. He told me that since I'd only know one or two other people, one of which is involved in the wedding too, I'd be by myself most of the time.
I told him that I would be fine with that and I could meet other people and he said that a wedding is not the place to do it.
I got upset because I told him I wanted to spend New Years Eve with him and now it sucks that he apparently doesn't care about spending it with me.
Does his reasoning make sense? I want to believe it does, but I'm still a little upset about him choosing to not bring me to the wedding so I can't spend NYE with me. If I sound bratty, please tell me and I'll stop thinking this way lol.
ALSO: i'm not one to go up to people and introduce myself to them. I usually wait for someone to come up to me or for someone to introduce me to someone else... I guess I'd consider myself more shy than outgoing. If that changes anything
So the wedding is on NYE? Is that really the reason you want to go, or is it because you've "never been to an Indian wedding before, and [you] heard they're amazing"? I don't understand why you care so much about going to the wedding of people you don't really know.
Either way, bf is telling you he doesn't want the pressure of babysitting you during the wedding when he knows he won't be able to. Even you admit that you'd probably be a wallflower and not social.
He just doesn't want you there, from what you've shared it sounds like he's just making up stuff as he goes along. Especially the part about him deciding for you whether you would have a good time. I went to a wedding once with my now ex-husband and the best man had backed out and my ex, who was just a groomsman, ended up being the best man at the last minute. Aside from the groom, I knew virtually no one. My ex and I danced for hours, dined together, took photos, basically had a great time. And he was promoted to best man, remember? Your guy's explanations are not passing the sniff test. For me, anyways.
And I don't think you sound bratty or unreasonable in the slightest.
I think it's both that I've wanted to go to an Indian wedding, I'll have fun, and I get to spend NYE with him. I would also like to meet the rest of his friends, but I understand that a wedding is not the place for that.
All of the friends I have met are big parts of the wedding, so I wouldn't know anybody that I'd be able to spend most of the wedding with since they're all going to be busy with the wedding party.
Either he wants to be free to meet other girls at the wedding or he is worried that you are going to expect him to entertain you and he will have no time to do this.
Either he wants to be free to meet other girls at the wedding or he is worried that you are going to expect him to entertain you and he will have no time to do this.
You know him best, so you decide which one it is.
Yeah it's definitely the latter. He'd (and I, i guess) would know that I'd expect him to spend most of his free time with me since I wouldn't really know anyone else there.
Yeah it's definitely the latter. He'd (and I, i guess) would know that I'd expect him to spend most of his free time with me since I wouldn't really know anyone else there.
So yes, his reasoning makes sense. Start making other plans for NYE. Maybe a girls' night out and have a blast.
I was in a bunch of weddings when me and my wife were dating. She was with me at every one, why wouldn't she be? I always wanted her by my side. She would hang out with the SOs of the other dudes in the wedding party when I was busy. I was best man too, she was there, in the pictures and everything. You want me? You're getting her too.
His reasoning sounds shady IMO. I don't think you're being unreasonable.
Last edited by Cardiff Giant; 11-18-2016 at 06:44 AM..
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