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Cuddling and holding each other for hours is not "sex" in my opinion. Sex, in my opinion involves sexual intercourse, either oral or genital (trying to keep it PG-13). That's not to say cuddling isn't the greatest thing since sliced bread.
...
The second reminded me of Bruno Mars. He was about 6 years younger than me (I was 57 at the time) and he was a sexy guy, great in bed but I got the sneaking impression he was married and he was very big into the "back door" (still trying to keep it PG-13). That's not part of my regular repertoire. He disappeared one day never to be heard from again.
So I'm a little nervous to get undressed in front of a man (mastectomy, reconstruction, etc.) and to let myself be vulnerable again. I don't want to get hurt but I also don't want to lose my independence. I'm confused still as you can tell.
I just got out of a very cold marriage (no sex for 14 years)- had some experimentation (found out I do enjoy sex)- and let me tell you, the "back door " is definitely not on the table for me either-
and you can find plenty of partners who enjoy sex, thats not "back door" - just saying'...
I took a female friend (someone I went to college with years ago but who ended up a few blocks away) and we hit happy hour, got to know people and met up that way...
I am happily settled now with a new partner( he loves to cuddle as well as is a very good and considerate lover- it IS weird, ya can't tell just tell by looking' thats for sure...) , life is pretty darn good.
SO just wanted to give you encouragement- theres hope!!
Last edited by CAjerseychick; 11-27-2016 at 05:28 PM..
Reason: more info
My family and friends have been on me to "get out there and meet someone" since being widowed 6 years ago. (I am a young 61). While I did date some after my husband died there has been nobody since 2013. I joined a dating site over the weekend just to see what was out there. The men close to my age look so old. Nobody interested me. One guy messaged me and we chatted back and forth but after 4 messages he gave me his phone number and wanted us to meet for coffee. I was getting a little interested until this morning when I read the questions he answered and he mentioned wanting to have sex every night!
Really?! Does a 68 year old guy seriously want to have sex every night? The thought of having sex every night at my age is incomprehensible. I plan on messaging him back and being honest with him and telling him based on the answers to the dating site's questions I don't think we are a match.
Can you lose it if you don't use it? Is it normal to be repulsed at the thought of a man touching you? And no I have never been raped or sexually abused. My late husband and I had a great sex life until he got sick. Is it me or do other women at 61 have little to no desire for sex? It's not a physical thing, it's a mental thing in my case. Maybe it was just too much trauma between being widowed and then diagnosed with breast cancer 8 months later?
How many women my age are out there and still desire and want sex especially the single ones still in the dating scene?
I wonder if there are dating sites for people who don't want sex?
... but what if you fall head over heals in love again? I am not your age....but what if he awakes that side of you again. Having sex with someone that you are not into and having sex with someone you are attracted to are different. How do you know what level of activity he is thinking about? He is 68 .... most men are more talk then action in that department regardless. Things are always awkward at first ( well most of the time). Get to know him ... don't chicken out.
Is it normal to be repulsed at the thought of a man touching you? And no I have never been raped or sexually abused. My late husband and I had a great sex life until he got sick. Is it me or do other women at 61 have little to no desire for sex? It's not a physical thing, it's a mental thing in my case. Maybe it was just too much trauma between being widowed and then diagnosed with breast cancer 8 months later?
Ma'am,
I suspect that you have not lost all interest in sex, but rather that you are simply not interested in having sex with any man who is not your late husband. This is perfectly normal, and stands as a testament to your commitment to your late husband and to the bond you two shared.
It is possible that you may become sexually attracted to another man in the future. If this happens, I suspect that it will be after a lengthy period of bonding and becoming close to one another, not after exchanging a few messages and a coffee date.
I hope you have beaten breast cancer. If so, congratulations! I have seen in my own family that it's a togh struggle even with a loving husband by your side. The fact that you survived that after being recently widowed shows that you are a very strong woman.
Since you asked, I am a 38 year old man, twice divorced, and I don't want to have sex every single night. 2 or 3 nights a week is fine with me. I suspect that the man with whom you've been communicating is being less than fully honest about his desires - and perhaps his abilities, as well.
I do hope you find a gentleman who will be a great match for you and who will treat you well.
Slowpoke_TX - that is the sweetest thing anybody has ever posted on here. You almost had me in tears, because, deep down inside I believe you are correct.
Slowpoke_TX - that is the sweetest thing anybody has ever posted on here. You almost had me in tears, because, deep down inside I believe you are correct.
Could it also be that you still miss your husband and that no one will ever measure up to him and what he had with you? ETA: Someone else posted this thought <3
Yeah, I agree with a few posters that it sounds like a combination of just not being ready yet, in addition to just not meeting the right person. When/if you do, I think it will fall into place.
I put in three pix and got 36, 39, and 45. I'm 57 so I looove that site. I don't think it's too accurate though since most folks don't seem too shocked when I tell them my age. LOL
Each time I put in pics I got late 20s and early 30s. But everyone in real life swears I'm 16. Weird.
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ETA: Someone else posted this thought <3
