How to get out of this situation?

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by stepka

Thank you Mocha! Yes after that little dig, I'm done engaging with JAG. It's easy to say that I should have known from the beginning, but the signs are not nearly as obvious as most people believe or there wouldn't be so many people to get taken in by this. We had sex every other night for years, so it's not like I failed to notice that I wasn't gettin any. There were little things here and there but nothing that added up to a complete picture and nothing big enough for me to seek a divorce. He was not going out on me till the last month and then it was over.

Anyway, he's just one of those people on here who assume that others have endless choices and when they say these things, I assume that they have little experience with dating. I truly believe the GF is a figment of his imagination b/c he seems pretty clueless about what the rest of us go thru. IDK, I'm just suspicious of anyone who can give out the easy advice and never seems to have issues of his own. It's all just surface stuff, like "you have a history of. . " and "You need counseling."

For instance, for anyone, the challenge is finding someone you like who also likes you. That's only the first hurdle. Then you have to find someone with a heart open enough to receive you. This can be particularly iffy at my age--we're all so jaded. Sometimes it can go the opposite way and they're ready to run off and get married before the first date even. If it sounds like I'm exaggerating, I assure you all that I'm not--just ran into this a couple of months ago. It's true he was teasing but who knows. Perhaps I need counseling b/c I tend to attract that type as well.

Then there is another problem for me and that's that I live in SE Missouri in a tiny town. I go to the biggest town in the area which is 45 min away for me to go socialize and not everyone is interested to drive out here. I'm a liberal in Trump country so that's a problem. Also, I'm fairly active and in shape and the average weight around here for someone my age is 100 lbs overweight and I'm not even kidding. When I mentioned handsome dates, what I really meant is men who are HWP. Diabetes is rampant and exercise is not popular here. I have to be with someone who takes care of himself and makes healthy choices b/c I have health issues of my own and I do fine as long as I make healthy choices. Someone who does not could easily pull me down.

Anyway, I knew this man was going to be bad news from the beginning but we were just hanging out and not really thinking about dating and then he turned on the charm and sometimes the heart just does what it's going to do and independently of what your brain is telling you. It doesn't just happen to crazy people--it happens to all of us whether we have daddy issues or not. The title of my thread says it all--how can I get out of this situation, not how can I get the guy. I don't want the guy--he's bad news. Fortunately I answered my own question--after the way he behaved the other night, I'm over it.

There are a few posters here that appear to be friendly and helpful, but when you really actually pay attention to what they post, they are filled with barbs and subtle insults. I've recognized it over the years and learned to just ignore those types. Heck, I've got too many infractions from fighting with them that I'll probably get banned if I don't learn to ignore them.

In terms of this current guy, again, just be glad that you found out now. I feel a certain annoyance at him, playing all cute and when you finally get on an actual one on one date and then sorta acting bored or not as into you, I can see that being completely annoying. Comes off like a silly little school boy that just wants to flirt or play the part in front of others, IDK, just my opinion of course. In terms of small towns and dating that doesn't' sound very promising. A town or region that is heavily vested into a political slant that you're not a part of doesn't sound good either.

It seems like you've got far more going against you than for you. I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully you can make a connection with a like minded guy.

[stepka]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

There are a few posters here that appear to be friendly and helpful, but when you really actually pay attention to what they post, they are filled with barbs and subtle insults. I've recognized it over the years and learned to just ignore those types. Heck, I've got too many infractions from fighting with them that I'll probably get banned if I don't learn to ignore them.

In terms of this current guy, again, just be glad that you found out now. I feel a certain annoyance at him, playing all cute and when you finally get on an actual one on one date and then sorta acting bored or not as into you, I can see that being completely annoying. Comes off like a silly little school boy that just wants to flirt or play the part in front of others, IDK, just my opinion of course. In terms of small towns and dating that doesn't' sound very promising. A town or region that is heavily vested into a political slant that you're not a part of doesn't sound good either.

It seems like you've got far more going against you than for you. I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully you can make a connection with a like minded guy.

Looking into moving back to St. Louis next school year. I agree with you that he was just doing that in front of others tho I don't know why he chose me for that. I can see it if I were much younger and eye candy but I'm not. I mean, I'm not ugly but I'm only 2 years younger than him and not a high maintenance kinda gal. Anyway I told him to stop texting me and he did--at least he won't be a stalker.