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Currently dating a girl that was married and has two kids with him. I live with her and the father has every other weekend visits. This past weekend he came to pick them up and he came in our apartment to get the kids. I was in the kitchen and i had no idea he would come in. I stayed in the kitchen and heard him talking all casually like he had no problem being in the apartment meanwhile i'm in the kitchen steaming angry about him being in the apartment.
To me it's real strange to bring an ex inside the place you are living with your current bf. Everyone that i know or know of that has these situations with kids and ex's all wait out in the car and have the ex bring the kids out.
Another situation was her ex had car trouble and needed cigs and other things at the store so he asked her to drive him. She had to pick the kids up from him anyway but just the thought of the kids and her and the ex alone together just seemed odd to me. I ended up going with her to pickup the kids and i drove him to the store with us all together and that was just as odd.
I obviously brought up my feelings about these things and her one comment was "he is the father of my kids"
Am i out of line? Am i wrong for feeling this way? To me it's just alittle too much interaction with an ex and to bring him in our space is weird to me.
I think it's healthy for children to see their parents able to maintain a civil, cordial relationship in spite of divorce. He should be able to feel welcome and comfortable in the home where his children live.
I think it's healthy for children to see their parents able to maintain a civil, cordial relationship in spite of divorce. He should be able to feel welcome and comfortable in the home where his children live.
Nobody is denying him to see his children. I just feel it's inappropriate for an ex to be in a new mans home. Like i said everyone that i know that has ex's they all wait outside for the kids to be brought out to them.
Am i out of line? Am i wrong for feeling this way? To me it's just alittle too much interaction with an ex and to bring him in our space is weird to me.
Yes, you are out of line. Nothing about it is weird, except for your reaction to a father coming into the home of his children to pick them up.
I would find it stranger if a father never stepped foot into the home of his children. Just because all the people you have known wait in the car does not mean this is not better for the kids.
You should never have moved in with someone, with kids, after just a couple of months. That, along with not wanting the ex in the apartment, is just a disaster waiting to happen.
I really don't know, it doesn't seem so odd to me. But I will say it's not important if it bothers anyone else or not. It bothers you and that's what matters. It's your home too. Maybe have a talk with your girlfriend and set some boundaries for you comfort-wise. You might want to think about what you will accept so you can offer a reasonable compromise. For example, maybe you have no problem with him coming to the door and coming in the foyer, but draw a line at him casually walking around the apartment like he owns the place. You may need to be the one to get the door to enforce this though because it will be a change and it sounds like he is already used to walking all over your girlfriend. She probably will need your support to set new boundaries.
Nobody is denying him to see his children. I just feel it's inappropriate for an ex to be in a new mans home. Like i said everyone that i know that has ex's they all wait outside for the kids to be brought out to them.
But it's not just the new man's home; it's the children's home, too. What message would it send to them if their father is expected to wait outside like a stranger?
ETA: I am from a generation where parents having a contentious divorce and unable to even be in the same room was the norm. It sucks for the kids to have to straddle two different worlds because the adults on their life aren't able to get over their anger and maturely coparent.
Whose name is one the lease or mortgage? if it isn't yours, its not your new home. BTW, when you hook up with someone, you get whatever baggage they have right along with it... the ex, the kids and the dog that keeps pissing on your carpet...
I think you're out of line. It's great that they get a long so well for the kids and I see nothing wrong with him coming inside. You were there, why are you so insecure? She is with you now but she has children with this man so it's time you grow up and set a side your ego and accept the ex as part of her life. You need to get over it or your going to lose this woman.
A woman with kids should communicate with her X regarding the kids...if this communication becomes passionate in the form of being emotional....then it is a no no... the woman is no longer the wife of the x
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