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Old 11-28-2016, 01:06 PM
 
6 posts, read 2,893 times
Reputation: 10

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I have been married for 17 years to the man I truly love. We kinda have an open relationship, I recently started looking for a partner for use to have fun with together. I didn't tell my spouse right away that I was looking, but I did tell him and he told me that he was upset about the fact that I hide it from him at first. But then was ok with it, got envolved with the online talking and everything, but now we have been having trouble because he feels like he isn't enough, feels like I am hiding stuff from him ect. In the mean time there has been no chit chatting with the other person for the last few weeks but my husband is constantly worried and wondering if I'm hiding things. Help! How can I fix this?
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Old 11-28-2016, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Ohio
5,624 posts, read 6,823,061 times
Reputation: 6802
How can you kind of have an open marriage? Its either open or its not. This is a lack of communication.

Sit down and talk to him about it!!

In the BDSM world, there are people who are in Open Marriages and its ALL about communication! How open? With who? Whats allowed? Whats not? Where? When? Its ALL discussed and re discussed. That way no one shows up at the dungeon seeing you chained and whipped by a random person and having a heart attack.
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Old 11-28-2016, 01:28 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,415 posts, read 47,402,095 times
Reputation: 47680
Quote:
Originally Posted by Noneyourbusiness80 View Post
We kinda have an open relationship
Kinda?
Uh-uh.
You either DO or you DON'T... there is no 'kinda'.

Sounds like you WANT to step out on your marriage but your husband objects.
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Old 11-28-2016, 01:34 PM
 
Location: NNJ
15,051 posts, read 10,043,591 times
Reputation: 17223
How do you "kinda" have an open relationship?

Either both of you are on board or not... and both agree to what that means to your relationship.

My previous relationship was open... hiding one of my FWB for her would have been a big no-no and cause my GF to question the trust she has in me. I never violated that trust.


You both need to sit down and talk things over. Primarily set expectations and define what "open" means in your relationship. Then YOU need to take special effort to regain your husband's trust. How? well... that is something only he can tell you.
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Old 11-28-2016, 01:34 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,659,779 times
Reputation: 54735
Welcome new poster! How is your relationship otherwise? Have you actually slept with other people? How did that go?
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Old 11-28-2016, 01:34 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
It sounds like you don't have an open marriage. It sounds like you want one, and he doesn't. It also sounds like your wish for an open marriage is causing him emotional pain and self-doubt. How do you feel about that?
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Old 11-28-2016, 01:41 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,427,520 times
Reputation: 9548
"Kind of have"

That says it all, really.

One person does whatever they want to and assumes they other will be ok with it because they have to be, it's already done.

That's not love for your partner, that's you love what your partner does FOR YOU.

Last edited by rego00123; 11-28-2016 at 01:55 PM..
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Old 11-28-2016, 01:48 PM
 
16,715 posts, read 19,355,889 times
Reputation: 41482
Quote:
Originally Posted by Noneyourbusiness80 View Post
I have been married for 17 years to the man I truly love.
If you were, you wouldn't have tried to get another partner.
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Old 11-28-2016, 01:55 PM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,913,090 times
Reputation: 15255
Are you kinda pregnant too?

This is one of those times where the husband walks in on his wife having sex with another guy and she says, "I told you we were an open marriage! You never listen to me!!"
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Old 11-28-2016, 02:34 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,394,969 times
Reputation: 29336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Noneyourbusiness80 View Post
I have been married for 17 years to the man I truly love. We kinda have an open relationship, I recently started looking for a partner for use to have fun with together. I didn't tell my spouse right away that I was looking, but I did tell him and he told me that he was upset about the fact that I hide it from him at first. But then was ok with it, got envolved with the online talking and everything, but now we have been having trouble because he feels like he isn't enough, feels like I am hiding stuff from him ect. In the mean time there has been no chit chatting with the other person for the last few weeks but my husband is constantly worried and wondering if I'm hiding things. Help! How can I fix this?
First of all you either have an open marriage or you don't. There's no you do and he doesn't. Second, you make it sound as if your husband, whom you profess to "truly love," just isn't fun enough for you and that may have been the message he got when you finally let him in on your plans. If so he's likely hurt and disappointed as evidenced by his feeling he's not enough and that has to be painful. As a man and a husband, I don't blame him. I'd be devastated. Finally, if you really want to fix this, stop trying to stray and work on reassuring your husband that he is, in fact, enough for you and really is loved. That will take some time and effort on your part because among other things I'm sure he feels unmanned.
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