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IDK. It sounded interesting to me is all. Some people can't be alone and will be with temporary people while they look for the kind of person they want. I've been a temporary place holder and it was not nice. Until I realized and was like that's fine as FRIENDS. I have done the same with male FRIENDS. Everyone is different. To me, placeholders - I can't have sex with them. But a lot of people can.
Some people see it like having a job puts you in a better position of getting a new one than being unemployed. They apply the same theory to dating. There may be some truth to that. With a place-holder, needs are getting met. No reeking of desperation.
Yes, there is that! but I'm talking about people who find marriage partners. Obviously not all marriages succeed, but some of these people are succeeding in their marriages. I'm friends with a lot of guys myself but I don't treat them like placeholders. There's just no romantic connection.
I know who you are and I've read many of your posts. I think you're a beautiful person both inside and definitely out. Successful dating has a lot to do with timing, and you may not have found the timing with the right guy yet. All you can do is continue to put your best foot forward and try to meet new people as often as you can. Eventually something will break, it may just take more time.
Thank you Froggie. I'm trying. I'm not getting any younger here lol.
Yes, there is that! but I'm talking about people who find marriage partners. Obviously not all marriages succeed, but some of these people are succeeding in their marriages. I'm friends with a lot of guys myself but I don't treat them like placeholders. There's just no romantic connection.
Placeholders for me are just male companionship. Not romantic. although perhaps it wasn't fair in a few cases, since they wanted more .... were willing to stay in the friend zone in case that changed.
But other male friends were doing the same whether we realized it or not. I didn't until later on, after the fact. It wasn't a purposeful thing.
I love having a male friend that puts his arm around me or I can lean into him or whatever and there is no romance, but there is physical affection and comfort. /shrug.
Thank you Froggie. I'm trying. I'm not getting any younger here lol.
mir86, can you clarify what you mean by "quitting dating"? Do you mean that if an attractive man approached you and asked you out, you would tell him "No thanks, I'm not dating"?
You do have to be "in it to win it", as they say, but that doesn't mean you must subject yourself to men who don't make you feel good about yourself or who do not meet your needs. Learn to swiftly remove unsuitable men from your life and you'll find your dating experiences more enjoyable. If online encounters are bringing you down, then stop online dating (perhaps temporarily).
Life is meant to be enjoyed. Broaden your world and experiences outside of online dating. Learn a new skill, travel to new places, shop in new neighborhoods, make new friends, and continue growing as a person. Just be open and receptive to what the universe has in store for you. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
Personally, I was single and dating throughout most of my 30s and 40s. At times, I gave up and made no effort whatsoever. Being an introvert and a homebody at heart was not helping me. So one year I made the following New Year's Resolutions:
1) To accept every invitation and to say yes to every date (unless they were completely inappropriate, of course).
1) To never wear unisex clothing of any kind, for any reason.
Because of that resolution, I accepted a date from a man whom I did not think was my type at all. I was wrong. He turned out to be the love of my life and I married him just before my 50th birthday. I hope that you some day find a man to love, and who loves you back as much or more.
Don't be discouraged, life is full of surprises. Good luck!
When I felt like giving up, I took breaks from dating. When I *really* felt like giving up, I shifted my thinking to the possibility of being alone for life.That helped a lot. However, I always kept at least a little bit of an open mind. I met my husband when I was 41.
Giving up & quitting isn't the same as letting go and allowing things to simply "flow". The resistance you face is quite probably a direct result of your constant need keep pushing.
This is such a hard question. You really can't know whether it will ever happen for you...but until you are dead, the possibility is there. I know this is hard and I wish there were some definite answer. I would just accept the possibility and keep hope alive.
I think it's okay to take a breather and just concentrate on doing things that bring you joy for a while. Hang out with friends, go see family, focus on being great at your job, delve deep into a hobby, etc. Come back to the dating scene when you are ready.
The other thing is that you can shake up your routine when you do return. Try looking different places for dates (different web site, new clubs, new GroupMes, let a new group of friends know you are looking, etc.) Do everything you can to beak out of the rut.
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