Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
And this would actually be smart, for both of them. Yes, they should have a last opportunity to call things off, when what we are considering here is one heck of a serious commitment (marriage) that can be incredibly painful and financially devastating if it ends.
I would rather take my chances, get married, and get divorced if necessary instead of having a "Let's play house and test each other out" trial period. But to each his own. Good luck with whatever you decide, OP!
If you want to be engaged, then YOU get on your knee and pop the question. If he says no, then he's not ready. What's stopping you from doing that if you're pushing it so hard? That's a huge step from a guy's perspective. Getting engaged vs getting an apartment, totally different things. And engagements don't mean squat.
Now, as a woman, with everything I know now, living with someone first, then engagement. If that's what we want.
I also want to add, you can't twist his arm by giving him an ultimatum. What you both want are different topics. You can't force someone to be engaged to you if all he wants is to fully test out if the two of you are compatible for a more permanent relationship, with you jumping the gun.
Are there other things you two disagree on or have different views on?
I think you should listen to him and move in together, just for a bit, to find out if you can live with him long term.
What is the normal order from a relationship to marriage?
We have been together for 15 months. And now he wants to move together. But I want to get engaged first. Which should come first? Moving together or get engaged?
There is no "timeline". People need to do whatever is right for them. If you want to get engaged first, then tell him that. I assume that the two of you have already discussed marriage.
You know, engagements CAN be broken...and you can have a written contract that if that happens you get the ring back if THAT'S what you're worried about. Well, unless you cheat or something....
This is what I don't get. An engagement is a less binding arrangement than moving in together (think lease and having to split up stuff if it doesn't work out. Trying to split stuff after you are broken up is hard. Some couples end up going to court--almost like a divorce). So why the fear of engagement but no fear of combining a household?
This is just my opinion and it's based on limited info and my limited experience, but I don't think your guy is interested in marriage at all. People who start talking about a fear of engagement because of a fear of a hypothetical marriage that might end aren't ready for marriage. I think he's trying to tell you he's not interested in marriage.
But "safe" how? A person can back out of an engagement.
If he isn't ready he isn't ready. There is no insurance against the person not being ready. Getting him to say "all right, we're engaged" won't change that.
Whose idea was moving in together? If it's his idea does he say why? Is it a loose, hypothetical thing or is he pushing for it? Are you?
His idea to move together. Because he wants to see how's things going when we live together. Like a trial before marriage.
It's right. Engaged doesn't mean anything. I just want to move forward saying marriage is the goal. But marriage is a new beginning... So maybe having a trial is a good thing?
If you want to be engaged, then YOU get on your knee and pop the question. If he says no, then he's not ready. What's stopping you from doing that if you're pushing it so hard? That's a huge step from a guy's perspective. Getting engaged vs getting an apartment, totally different things. And engagements don't mean squat.
Now, as a woman, with everything I know now, living with someone first, then engagement. If that's what we want.
I also want to add, you can't twist his arm by giving him an ultimatum. What you both want are different topics. You can't force someone to be engaged to you if all he wants is to fully test out if the two of you are compatible for a more permanent relationship, with you jumping the gun.
Are there other things you two disagree on or have different views on?
I think you should listen to him and move in together, just for a bit, to find out if you can live with him long term.
Yea, we talked today. I am thinking to move together first. He said the same thing "it's a huge step" to get engaged now and he is not ready yet. Normally we don't have disagreement on major things. But on small things, like which movie, where to eat, what's for weekend, etc. He is always more considerable than me.
He said he's not comfortable to get engaged now but comfortable to move together. Is it ridiculous!!
So you are good enough to share household chores and debt but not marry let alone be committed to each other with a formal engagement.
Personally, I have never lived in the same home with a man who was not my husband, you know the
old world way of doing things. Meet, date, get engaged, get married, then move into the same home.....
This is what I don't get. An engagement is a less binding arrangement than moving in together (think lease and having to split up stuff if it doesn't work out. Trying to split stuff after you are broken up is hard. Some couples end up going to court--almost like a divorce). So why the fear of engagement but no fear of combining a household?
This is just my opinion and it's based on limited info and my limited experience, but I don't think your guy is interested in marriage at all. People who start talking about a fear of engagement because of a fear of a hypothetical marriage that might end aren't ready for marriage. I think he's trying to tell you he's not interested in marriage.
Well, he has a house and everything. For me, I just need to pay some utilities. I said I can pay some rent. He said not necessary. For us, he almost covered everything for housing.
So you are good enough to share household chores and debt but not marry let alone be committed to each other with a formal engagement.
Personally, I have never lived in the same home with a man who was not my husband, you know the
old world way of doing things. Meet, date, get engaged, get married, then move into the same home.....
I am in that old way too. But I feel it might be a good thing to try it first....
Well, he has a house and everything. For me, I just need to pay some utilities. I said I can pay some rent. He said not necessary. For us, he almost covered everything for housing.
So you'd have to uproot yourself and move into his house and then if things don't work out, you'd have to move out again. My cousin has been living with her boyfriend in his house for a few years now, and I'm sure she prefers that to what she could afford on her own. But she does want to get married. Of course he hasn't proposed yet. And why should he? He knows she's not going anywhere.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, unless you cheat or something....
