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Sex is an important part of a relationship for many people. Would you end it if a new partner couldn't perform?
Discuss
You mention a new partner, so I'm assuming you're talking about being in a new relationship, and not being married to someone who develops a problem in that arena?
I think the answer to that is up to the individual, their age, etc.
I'm married and in my 50's. My husband and I had this discussion early on when we were dating, realizing that as people age, sometimes things "happen" - libido wanes, health problems pop up, etc. We both decided that sex is the "icing on the cake" so to speak. As long as the relationship is a solid one and based on friendship, caring for one another, and love, if it ever got to the point where there was a problem sexually, sure it would be missed, but it wouldn't be the end of the relationship. Cuddling, touching, etc. are also nice. And.....of course there are more ways to achieve the "end result" than the one a person normally thinks of (trying to keep this PG-rated!)
My ex was 17 years older than I and developed diabetes and hypertension. He also started to drink heavily and became very abusive and nasty when he drank. With the diabetes and hypertension and the alcohol thrown in, sex became non-existent, but the lack of sex was not what made me leave......
If I was in my 20s or even 30s and had a new partner who "couldn't perform", then my thinking might be different and I would probably have to do some real soul-searching to see if it would be worth pursuing a relationship with the person and I think it would definitely depend on the reasons why they couldn't perform and if there was a physical reason, a psychological reason or just no or low libido...........
If it was a situation he could fix and he choose not to, then I would at least consider leaving but only after some attempts at working things out.
There are men out there who have ED who will not go to the doctor and ask for help, I think thats innappropriate with in the confines of a relationship.
However there are things that happen that can't be fixed, such as a spouse having an accident and ending up in a wheelchair, I would not leave my spouse over something like that.
I agree about fixing it and if they refuse then this is a clear indication of them not wanting to take care of the other spouses needs. For those spouses who just simply refuse to engage in a physical relationship because of no longer desiring their mate-I say move on, or in some cases let the spouse who is being refused have an open affair if you must stay married for children, religious, or financial reasons. Poor excuses in my opinion, but many must live this way. I am so upset about these so-called sexless marrriages, and I hear the hurt of the spouses that are the victims of "NO SEX." Many times it is due to the partner not wanting to fix it or no longer having any desire. This is emotional abuse which has an effect on your mental well-being. Sounds like grounds to end the relationship to me, yet many are staying and living this way-fertile ground ripe for an affair. The other spouse will surely get upset because you asked for your physical needs to be met, yet you sought out another mate to take care of your needs and now they will blame you. Talk about a?? backwards.
Sexless marriages were created by men-am I right? I do not remember seeing this kind of marriage in the bible that I read, because sex is equated to marriage and having children. If two people (usually asexual) are in agreement that they will not engage in any sexual activity this is acceptable, but when you have a spouse hanging out there who is constantly being refused, how long should they tolerate this abuse?
In reply to the original poster's question-If due to illness or an accident I would not abandon my partner, because genuine love is not just based on sex.
Sex is an important part of a relationship for many people. Would you end it if a new partner couldn't perform?
Discuss
knowing what I know now, yes. I thought things would change. they didnt/havent. I thought performance every week or two for 5 min. would surfice, not anymore. I sometimes wish I would have ended it 7 yrs ago before children were in the picture. Everything else in our relationship is great and I know he loves me very much. sometimes this issue causes a lot of problems in our relationship though. This is a MAJOR part of a marriage and it hurts me both emotionally and physically. I often wonder how I am going to handle it when I hit this "peak" I often hear people talk about.
Eveyone is different and I dont know how old you are but wants and desires change as you get older. I wish I would have talked to people before I got married. I didnt think at the time it was that big of a deal because I had never been active in that area. All I know is that I spend many night crying myself to sleep because I feel unwante, unloved, undesired and ugly. (although anytime I go out I have many men trying to get my number with a ring on)
knowing what I know now, yes. I thought things would change. they didnt/havent. I thought performance every week or two for 5 min. would surfice, not anymore. I sometimes wish I would have ended it 7 yrs ago before children were in the picture. Everything else in our relationship is great and I know he loves me very much. sometimes this issue causes a lot of problems in our relationship though. This is a MAJOR part of a marriage and it hurts me both emotionally and physically. I often wonder how I am going to handle it when I hit this "peak" I often hear people talk about.
Eveyone is different and I dont know how old you are but wants and desires change as you get older. I wish I would have talked to people before I got married. I didnt think at the time it was that big of a deal because I had never been active in that area. All I know is that I spend many night crying myself to sleep because I feel unwante, unloved, undesired and ugly. (although anytime I go out I have many men trying to get my number with a ring on)
You have my empathy for your situation. For a long time I did not see the research that spoke to women in these situations, but it so many women now that are crying out-at least in the last three years. My heart bleeds for all of you-male and female. I was thinking about doing a research study, but I cannot get past the anger about how one would choose to mistreat their spouse this way without any significant reason. I also am not able to grasp fully why the neglected spouse remains, but I am to biased about my thoughts on this which means I could never do a study about this. I have to many ill thoughts about this vindictive and mean behavior. Take care and know that there are web support groups out there for you if you need to vent or read others who are in the same situation as yourself.
I have as well. I stayed as long as I could. He was a very sweet man. Everything was great up until the actual act. He it was like what. What's going on.
lol whats going on.... its not rocket science buddy
knowing what I know now, yes. I thought things would change. they didnt/havent. I thought performance every week or two for 5 min. would surfice, not anymore. I sometimes wish I would have ended it 7 yrs ago before children were in the picture. Everything else in our relationship is great and I know he loves me very much. sometimes this issue causes a lot of problems in our relationship though. This is a MAJOR part of a marriage and it hurts me both emotionally and physically. I often wonder how I am going to handle it when I hit this "peak" I often hear people talk about.
Eveyone is different and I dont know how old you are but wants and desires change as you get older. I wish I would have talked to people before I got married. I didnt think at the time it was that big of a deal because I had never been active in that area. All I know is that I spend many night crying myself to sleep because I feel unwante, unloved, undesired and ugly. (although anytime I go out I have many men trying to get my number with a ring on)
Sex is important like she says and if the sexual desire isnt there and it's just their nature you cant object to how someone is. but if the problem is HOW you or they perform then you can work on that. people can learn new ways to do things. you can teach tricks but you cant teach libido. If your horny your horny if your not then your not. i do require sex but its not the most important thing to me. sometimes i get frustrated when i cant have it but in the end you can please yourself even though its not as fullfilling as someone else doing it for you. if you want sex and someone wont give it to you and its your top priority or atleast one of the top ones then your needs arent beign met and you need to move on. its a personal opinion of whether or not you NEED sex or you just WANT it.
Both my wife & myself have had medical problems over the past few years where we rarely had sex. Did I leave her no... Like others have said the relationship is about intimacy & love more than sex, though sex is a nice perk.
my cheeks were getting so red as I was even typing that... but HEY it's the first thing that came to mind!
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