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Many people reach a point, especially after children are grown, where they just want a companion. They are not interested in marriage anymore. It sounds like one of both you may fit this profile.
I told her I loved her for 2 years. It's been a year since I've said it. I take care of her house, her car, provide her a better car, mow yard, help with flowers(gotta admit I'm not good at that at all), help with garden, remove snow, cook meals for her(she doesn't like to cook), and many other things that I don't regret. I had her take the emotional needs test to find out what she wants. First is actions, second is words of affirmation,( I tell her all the time she is beautiful just the way she is), then gifts. She hasn't paid for much at all since being with me, except house and utilities.
I've asked her to come to my house while my daughter is home. She said "I don't think she likes me".
I've tried to get her to stay at my place, but she won't if my kid is home. She won't even come eat with us or watch a movie.
I bought a house closer to her, had her with me to pick it out, saying she could live with me. That was 2 years ago.
Only thing I was told by a friend is that I do too much for her and she is spoiled.
Yeah, dude! You are doing all that and what exactly are you getting in return? It sounds to me like you are the nice guy! Also, i find it strange that she doesn't want to connect with your daughter (you been dating for four years) Maybe, she is afraid that your daughter will see right through her.
You should stop doing the following: "I take care of her house, her car, provide her a better car, mow yard, help with flowers(gotta admit I'm not good at that at all), help with garden, remove snow, cook meals for her(she doesn't like to cook), and many other things that I don't regret." See how she acts when you stop doing all that. Also, start asking for her to do a whole list of tasks and she how she responds. A relationship should be 50/50. To me, it looks like you are doing 90/10.
I feel like your GF is trying to 2 time. She has you the nice guy and she is after her bad boy ex. Don't be a ****, bro!
I called her out, she apologized and said it was nothing. I had to get something from her house and I was getting ready to leave. I asked her if she wanted me to stay, she said it's up to you. I asked if she wanted me there, she said "it's up to you".
I said if you don't care enough to tell me you'd like me to stay then I'm leaving. No response, so I said it's over. Told her I can't do this anymore.
So far today she has been overly nice. Too little too late.
It's over.
I want to thank each of you for your help and comments! You didn't get both sides, I'm not perfect by any means. But I knew the writing was on the wall and your comments helped it become clear instead of blurred through my eyes. I do care about her and will help her if needed, not "wanted".
It was a good learning experience and I learned so much from the experiences, both good and bad.
Again, thank you all for taking time to help me. I wish you all the best and if we don't "meet" again, Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
It's over.
...
Again, thank you all for taking time to help me. I wish you all the best and if we don't "meet" again, Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I'm sorry you had to learn that, but it's for the best.
Now your New Year is very bright and you can start your life again with no heavy baggage!
We are both in our mid 40's, divorced, her kids are on their own and I have one that will be out in 9 months to college.
We both dated after our divorce, hers was much more serious, mine was not. We agreed that if we did contact an ex, or if someone called "out of the blue" that we would tell each other.
I found out she contacted her serious ex BF. She was mad at me thinking I had talked to someone, I didn't, and I said that we agreed to tell each other if we did. I told her I have not and I thanked her for keeping her word with me. She said your welcome, and that was it.
I got the information from her good friend, whom I'm also good friends with her and her husband. I'm not going to get them in a "tiff".
I'm blowing it off, so she misses him and wanted to talk. That's fine, but maybe I'm too laid back.
Should this be a "red flag"? Am I still naïve? We have been dating for nearly 4 years. Yes, taking it slow.
Huge red flag. Unless they have kids and talk about things related to the kids, it is all bad.
H & K: I'm from the old side of the fence, but I agree with everything said prior. IMHO, since there are no babies or small children to tend to, two people should be working together on the chores. Or at least split them, or do them at the same time so that more time is created to spend time just relaxing together. Snuggling is the very best with someone you love.
I think you have been too good to her. Unfortunately, more & more these days, others can't appreciate kindness. Of course there is nothing wrong with being good to your SO, but that SO should be more than willing to reciprocate.
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