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Old 02-28-2008, 11:11 AM
 
Location: in my imagination
13,584 posts, read 21,356,616 times
Reputation: 10082

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just confirms to me the fact that I never married or stayed with someone too long is better.

I have 4 best friends in this world,one got takin twice like you,another two days ago on the phone said his divorce is starting next month.My 3rd friend is female but free spirited like me,my 4th friend is happily married.


I don't think you are asking too much BTW.
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Old 02-28-2008, 11:53 AM
 
Location: St. Louis Metro East
515 posts, read 1,555,211 times
Reputation: 335
No, I don't think you're asking too much at all, and like a previous poster said, she doesn't have a legal leg to stand on. If you only want $4k, then only take $4k, but retain proof that you were extra generous to her on this front. College she is a comin', and if she's never paid any child support, then the "nicer" you are to her, the "nicer" the court is likely to be to you in the future, if you get my drift.

Good luck!

~Danielle
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Old 02-28-2008, 08:49 PM
 
338 posts, read 1,366,391 times
Reputation: 227
Default A few after-thoughts...

Quote:
Originally Posted by LEVOW View Post
BASICALLY... ... to make along story short, im only asking for 4000, to help buy my kids new bedroom sets, ... am i wrong?
Hm... I was just reading this again. The thing is... your decree says you get half, so half of the $36K for the place would be $18K. You say you are only asking $4K to help buy furniture for your children. Hm... I'm wondering... do you feel a need to justify asking for the $4K? IMHO, it doesn't seem necessary or even any of her business where you would spend and/or would otherwise invest whatever monies to which you *are entitled* (by what you've stated).

From what you shared, the relational details are irrelevant to the fact that you *do own property* together, and for that property, a check is being issued for $36K... divided by 2, basic math = $18K. No questions asked. No justifications required.

And... it would seem that if the children need furniture, regardless of the parent with whom they live (if you are sharing custody & depending on each of your parental rights and the terms of settlement/custody), I'm wondering why you would not ask her to share in the cost of the furniture? The cost of the children's needs are a distinct and separate issue from the division of co-owned personal property between the two of you... IMHO.

Cost of *true* needs? Half-half.
Do they have furniture which could be otherwise sold? How about trading it in or apply the proceeds to the cost of the furniture, then divide the remaining costs between the two of you.
Can you find furniture for less? I don't know... but $4K does seem a little steep for furniture for children! Does this include computers and sound systems? Bed, dresser, desk, chair, lamp, night stand, toy box? What more could they *truly need*? Children generally outgrow their "stuff" really fast. Hey - pay me $4K, and I'll come help you shop!

Really though...

You aren't asking her to cover you for a two-week vacation are you? No.
You aren't asking her to cover you for something for yourself are you? No.
You aren't asking her to cover or even share in the cost of some sort of extravagance - even for the children - are you? (If so, then I'd say that one would be up to you, unless she agreed with it and wanted to contribute.) No.

Seems like a simple equation, but I know in matters of divorce and custody, "simple" is rarely a part of *any* equation. Regardless of the relationship the two of you share now (or not), the two of you begat four children. Whatever needs they have, I would hope that each parent would contribute: 1) as they agreed - even if that means setting up some sort of payment agreement, if needed; 2) as much as they are able if they truly cannot afford half; and 3) as much consideration of the other parent's true ability to help cover expenses before he or she makes a commitment whether it be a financial one, one of time, holidays/visiting, or other big "promise," etc.

Just wait until it comes time to buy your children cars... or pay for college, or their weddings! Practice parental diplomacy *now* before things really get tough and you find your children in despair wondering how they are going to schedule their own wedding festivities (and grandchildren visits on holidays) to include both parents at different tables and times! (Crazy? Yes! I "do" weddings, and ... it's amazingly unbelievable what some brides and grooms have to go through these days to have both parents (or parent sets) present & participating on their wedding day & celebration.

Okay, I've digressed, but it's all a part of the package. Figure it (the how) out *now*... while it's only $4K.

Btw, the *average* Midwest wedding these days runs $25-30K. I'm currently working with a bride who is nearing $50-$60K for their wedding weekend for approx. 150 guests - considered a small wedding in this area.)

Best of everything ... to all of you!

Peace ~
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