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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I don't know. A best friend, to me, is someone you trust enough to talk about problems you are having with your SO in confidence. On that alone, my best friend and my SO would be different people.
I don't know. A best friend, to me, is someone you trust enough to talk about problems you are having with your SO in confidence. On that alone, my best friend and my SO would be different people.
Well, if those problems arise in a trusting relationship with a maturing partner (And, yes, they do. It's not always a fairy tale), then you can have a respectful discussion of those issues with her and achieve some kind of resolution.
Mind you, that is not to say that you can't have similar discussions with someone else. After all, your SO should be your best friend, not your only friend. But if you have a relationship built on mutual trust and respect, and you have gained the ability and maturity to bring up problems and hash them out, then the need to confide in someone else about your marriage becomes a remote possibility.
Well, if those problems arise in a trusting relationship with a maturing partner (And, yes, they do. It's not always a fairy tale), then you can have a respectful discussion of those issues with her.
If what you're saying is true, then why does the phrase "honey, we need to talk" destroy so many relationships? And why do people keep saying it, knowing how damaging it is?
If what you're saying is true, then why does the phrase "honey, we need to talk" destroy so many relationships? And why do people keep saying it, knowing how damaging it is?
What? Everybody has those kinds of moments in a relationship. Communication isn't always about cooing at each other at the breakfast table. Sometimes it's about couching things that are bugging you and working through it.
So it's not the phrase, "Honey we need to talk" that's of concern here. It's what happens after that that counts. Just as importantly, if your SO is coming to you and saying, "Honey, we need to talk," that's a surefire sign that you've ignored the umpteen different clues that other person has given you up to that point that something's not right. So if "Honey, we need to talk" comes up, it's more a sign of cluelessness on your part.
I had one of those HWNTT moments about three years ago. Chiefly because I felt as if MrsCPG was trying to ram a major renovation project down my throat. Every time she mentioned it, I was noncommittal to it, voicing concerns about whether or not it was time. And she'd bring it up again. And again.
So finally, I had the HWNTT moment. I simply stated that it was not the right time. I had a major account going wobbly, we had some other spending needs, and I couldn't in good conscience agree to spending the money. We batted it back and forth for a few minutes. She and I agreed to revisit the matter in another year. We did and we finally bought the bullet. So basically two things were in play there. One, I communicated with her about something that was bothering me and, Two, she paid attention to my feelings on the subject.
Here's the thing. Mature people know how to disagree. Mature people know how to deliver constructive criticism and take it. And even the best of relationships require a course correction from time to time. And those HWNTT moments are the way it happens.
Because many people react defensively to such conversations, versus approach them willing to work toward resolutions and actively improve interactions.
Because many people react defensively to such conversations, versus approach them willing to work toward resolutions and actively improve interactions.
There's a whole universe of ways to have a constructive disagreement.
For example, saying, "You always do this to me...." is a guaranteed way to push someone into a corner and start an argument. On the other hand, saying, "I know you don't mean to do this, but when you do it makes me feel this way..." is a more productive route.
This confuses me. You've know her since 2nd grade and shes the love of your life, but you broke it off because you didn't want kids and now shes gone?
She died!!!! We were friends before we started dating and fell in love but we broke up a few times before finally getting back together and almost marrying. How many times do I need to bring this painful memory up? I want to move on.
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We were friends before we started dating and fell in love but we broke up a few times before finally getting back together and almost marrying. How many times do I need to bring this painful memory up? I want to move on.
