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Old 12-08-2016, 12:04 AM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,848,957 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fratrock View Post
The thing is would you women say the same if it were the other way around? I.E a guy that was nerdy and not very athletic in HS got rejected and had mean/rude things said to him by women then years later he worked out, got fit, managed to become successful in a tech field and the same women tried to hook up with him but he wouldn't give them the time of day?
I am a woman and I would be absolutely disgusted at the shallow women in this scenario and no, I would not expect this man to give them the time of day.
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Old 12-08-2016, 12:08 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,075 posts, read 106,933,722 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fratrock View Post
The thing is would you women say the same if it were the other way around? I.E a guy that was nerdy and not very athletic in HS got rejected and had mean/rude things said to him by women then years later he worked out, got fit, managed to become successful in a tech field and the same women tried to hook up with him but he wouldn't give them the time of day?
Why would it be any different if the situations were reversed? Mean, bullying behavior like that is horrible.
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Old 12-08-2016, 03:06 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,932 posts, read 11,661,763 times
Reputation: 13169
"The evil that men do lives after them."
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Old 12-08-2016, 05:27 AM
 
345 posts, read 274,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I would just like to say to everyone getting on OP for wanting to date because she looks hot now, let me explain something. Men are visual creatures, basic biology, if you change your looks there is a good chance men who wouldn't talk to you before are going to want to talk to you now. Now your prerogative on whether to reject them or not, but it is what it is.
I'm not going to add to the dogpile on you because I get what you're saying, but the OP swears he changed. Whether or not he's changed because she looks attractive now is certainly telling about his sincerity. If he only regrets being a douche because she's suddenly hot, then he really hasn't changed... he just regrets that he ruined his own chances with a girl who's become hot since high school.

There's nothing wrong with him noticing her or being attracted to her but is he still a shallow jerk or has he honestly changed? That's the question.

Teenagers can be asshats without even knowing why they are doing it. Hopefully he's matured enough now to know that it wasn't right to be an asshat to her regardless of how she looks now.
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Old 12-08-2016, 11:04 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,317,871 times
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One approach you could try is to contact her and say you just wanted to apologize for being an unfeeling, cruel jerk in high school. But only do so if you're sincerely remorseful and not just because she's now attractive. If she then accepts the apology and engages you in conversation you can go from there. Just remember that if you have no expectations you can never be disappointed.
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Old 12-08-2016, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Cincinnati near
2,628 posts, read 4,279,271 times
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I say go for it, but be advised that the likely outcome won't be positive.

On the other hand, almost the same but reverse situation occurred to me. There was a girl I was very attracted to who was a lifeguard at the sports club where I worked when I was 17 who treated me pretty harshly. She would always sit and chat with me when it was just us alone, but whenever other people were around she would ignore me. I could even deal with that, but then some of her guy friends who went to a rival high school of mine had a bit of a feud with me and she fake flirted with me and either planted stolen merchandise in my bags or distracted me while one of the guys did it in an attempt to get me fired from the club. I avoided getting fired and then called her out on her involvement, and she half denied it and half said I had it coming. I just told her she had to live with her decision and never went back there after I left for college in August.

15 years later I was recently divorced and I got a message on facebook from the same girl. She had apparently gone south for college and then spent her 20's working on a cruise ship in Florida, but she moved back to the midwest a few months earlier and we lived 30 minutes from each other. She said she wanted to reconnect with the people that made her happy when she was living in Ohio, and she recognized my name from mutual friends on facebook. I thought she was joking because we parted on such bad terms, but I figured that if she didn't bring it up then I didn't care, so I told her my address and invited her over for a cocktail. For the next few weeks, we enjoyed the first five minutes of several movies and maybe shared a meal or two before things fizzled out. I have not seen her since then.
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Old 12-08-2016, 02:02 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,848,957 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
One approach you could try is to contact her and say you just wanted to apologize for being an unfeeling, cruel jerk in high school. But only do so if you're sincerely remorseful and not just because she's now attractive. If she then accepts the apology and engages you in conversation you can go from there. Just remember that if you have no expectations you can never be disappointed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt5dDtQT_xg
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Old 12-08-2016, 02:45 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,951,888 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Strogonoff View Post
So I found a girl via FB that I knew from HS. Thing is I wasn't really nice to her and kind of a jerk back then even calling her ugly. She had a bad acme problem and used to dress with very baggy clothes and was pretty shy. It has been 8 years since graduating and I am not like that anymore. And I must say, she has gotten VERY attractive. Like night and day difference.

Looking at her interests and such we have a lot in common and live very close. Would it be wrong to ask her out?
Good rule of thumb in life: Be nice to everyone you encounter, treating them with respect. Because you never know who will enter your life later on. Looks as if you've just learned this lesson.

So now you have a choice, reach out to her or not. If you really insist on doing this, here's what I suggest:

1) Reach out in the form of an apology. Simply say to her what you wrote here: Namely that you were an insensitive jerk who said some cruel things. Say that it really bothers you that you were that mean and you want to make amends. You know that an apology will not suffice, but it's important that she know how badly you feel about the way you behaved.

She may take your apology or not. She may even be impressed that you went to such lengths to apologize. But just reaching out to her as if nothing happened will simply reinforce her opinion that you are still a jerk.

2) Don't have this go hand-in-hand with an offer to ask her out. Any goodwill you may chalk up will instantly evaporate, for she will see right through it. Instead, keep having conversations with her over a period of time.

3) Only if there's real chemistry do you ask.
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Old 12-08-2016, 03:17 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,075 posts, read 106,933,722 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MurrayMoe10 View Post
I'm not going to add to the dogpile on you because I get what you're saying, but the OP swears he changed. Whether or not he's changed because she looks attractive now is certainly telling about his sincerity. If he only regrets being a douche because she's suddenly hot, then he really hasn't changed... he just regrets that he ruined his own chances with a girl who's become hot since high school.

There's nothing wrong with him noticing her or being attracted to her but is he still a shallow jerk or has he honestly changed? That's the question.

Teenagers can be asshats without even knowing why they are doing it. Hopefully he's matured enough now to know that it wasn't right to be an asshat to her regardless of how she looks now.
Well, I actually buy that he's changed. But my point earlier was, that no matter how sincere he is, she's not going to see it that way. That's the problem. All he can do is try, by approaching her on FB and apologizing and saying he was a dumb kid back then, but she's still going to interpret that through her own lens. But he can try. At this point, he's got nothing to lose, and he seems to understand that he's got flack coming to him, so he wont' be surprised if she figuratively slams the door in his face.
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Old 12-08-2016, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,216 posts, read 8,267,533 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Why would it be any different if the situations were reversed? Mean, bullying behavior like that is horrible.
Women usually get a pass for it while men who do it are more likely to be scolded for being a bully. But I agree with you that bullying is awful and some people kill themselves over it.
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