Being the "bread winner" as a woman without feeling taken advantage of? (girlfriend, how to)
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Fair enough. Watch that glass house when you judge his, though.
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Originally Posted by applej3
Then by all means, keep your current bf, go out, have fun, sex, etc. But it would be best to accept him as he is.
She has to accept her own lot first. The breadwinner thing goes against her instinct.
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Originally Posted by marketa
Good point. I think that would be the best case scenario- to be with someone who at least matches you in all ways. I have been on a lot of dates with a lot of guys. Haven't met anyone who'd be my equal in all aspects; not even my ex, who is a good man.
I met guys who had lots of money and would pay for everything, but I was bored with them. I met guys with whom I had a lot in common socially and intellectually, but sexually we weren't on the same page at all. I met guys with whom sex was great but I had nothing to talk about. Guys who were intellectually smart and sexy, but selfish. I personally think that it's rare if not impossible to meet someone who is the way you want them to be in all aspects that are important. I'd rather have something than nothing at all.
I think you get it. I don't date a ton, but even I don't want to date a female clone of myself. Then again, women don't usually like to talk toxicology and fixing stuff, so I have to sacrifice there...
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Originally Posted by Cragnox
Isn't that kind of hypocritical? "Real men don't do x".
No doubt, but you shrug those women off because they have no earthly idea about "real men" up close, anyway.
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Originally Posted by Cragnox
To me, it seems as if you could have unrealistic expectations. You'll never find a partner who is perfect in all ways. TBH your post smacks of "I can't find a man that is on my level of superiority.".
Problem for OP is those guys have their pick and aren't chasing down women who value being a wage slave first and foremost.
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Originally Posted by homina12
You only feel taken advantage of because your expectation is to be treated like a princess, and this guy isn't doing that, and probably won't later either. Maybe set him free so that he doesn't waste his time with someone who views him as lacking.
Basically, equality wasn't all it's cracked up to be...
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Originally Posted by Dport7674
I don't play video games, but I would never date a women who likes to go zip lining. What other boring shiit might she be into?
Travel? Since when is driving or flying for hours fun?
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Originally Posted by Fratrock
I find it quite ironic that in this day and age of "strong independant women" many still aren't happy with being able to be dependant on a man in some form or another. Feminists always tell men "the 50s are gone, it's never coming back, and it's a new world so adapt" yet many women don't get it's the same for them as well, women need to accept it's not the 50s anymore and women today need to get over this idea of wanting men that is their knight in shining armor, chivalrous etc. etc. men aren't the only ones that should have to give up things in the past.
I can't rep you enough in this thread.
That aside, I still fondly remember that OKC question about "If your spouse has a job making low wages but really enjoys, would you accept that?"
As you can expect, the women were very much on the "no" side there. Guys? No big deal.
I met guys who had lots of money and would pay for everything, but I was bored with them. I met guys with whom I had a lot in common socially and intellectually, but sexually we weren't on the same page at all. I met guys with whom sex was great but I had nothing to talk about. Guys who were intellectually smart and sexy, but selfish. I personally think that it's rare if not impossible to meet someone who is the way you want them to be in all aspects that are important. I'd rather have something than nothing at all.
OP, you're only in your early 30's. Give the search some time. How long since your divorce? Be patient, and develop a tolerance for being alone, so that you don't go for a poor match.
It sounds like you two aren't well matched with your interests.Theater and ballet doesn't sound that diverse or "cool" to me - sign me up for bowling and mini golf! You complain about him picking the more expensive items on the menu whilst you pick the cheaper ones - has he ever actually asked you not to pick certain things on the menu due to cost or are you just doing it anyway, and then expect him to read your mind and do the same when it is your turn to pay?
Honestly, it just doesn't sound like the two of you are all that compatible. You have already admitted that you don't feel crazy about him. Does he know that? I hope my post doesn't come across as having a go at you OP, but I do feel a little sorry for your guy.
That's what stood out to me, as well. I think the issue here is that they're actually very different people, and don't have that much in common, but the OP hasn't figured that out yet.
I dont blame you for feeling the way you do. He should at least work until he goes into the police academy if that is what he plans on doing at least to help out and show he's being productive. Him just chilling while your out hustling and paying the bills is definitely going to make you resent him and it will get old really fast. He may even get so comfortable that he gets lazy and just starts depending on you completely..So be careful. I have seen this happen many times to people i know where the guy ends up being unemployed for years with no ambition whatsoever because the wife/gf enables them...
I dont blame you for feeling the way you do. He should at least work until he goes into the police academy if that is what he plans on doing at least to help out and show he's being productive. Him just chilling while your out hustling and paying the bills is definitely going to make you resent him and it will get old really fast. He may even get so comfortable that he gets lazy and just starts depending on you completely..So be careful. I have seen this happen many times to people i know where the guy ends up being unemployed for years with no ambition whatsoever because the wife/gf enables them...
When a man supports a women its because he wants to...and vise versa. But it's obviously bothering her and it would bother me to if i wasn't ok with it. Men want to act like little b*tches now and depend on females. That's embarrassing im sorry but it is..If I was a man I would feel humiliated if a woman supported me financially regardless of the situation
Sounds like you should not be in a relationship. You are totally settling. According to you, you are above his standards. Stop wasting his time and move on. If you ever do get married, you will really resent him. I would much rather be a lone than to be with someone I feel is beneath me. You don't love him but someone out there will love him just as he is.
When a man supports a women its because he wants to...and vise versa. But it's obviously bothering her and it would bother me to if i wasn't ok with it. Men want to act like little b*tches now and depend on females. That's embarrassing im sorry but it is..If I was a man I would feel humiliated if a woman supported me financially regardless of the situation
So in this era of "equality" it's perfectly fine for a man to support a woman just working at mcdonald's if at all yet not the other way around?
So in this era of "equality" it's perfectly fine for a man to support a woman just working at mcdonald's if at all yet not the other way around?
Yes those are my beliefs.Everyone was brought up differently. You may feel like its ok for a man to be financially supported by a female. I on the other hand was raised with a dad and brother that worked their butts off and still do to provide for their families and never expected the woman to support them financially. I was always told by them that a man isn't a man if he doesn't provide for his family. From what i have seen in this new era that we are in i dont even think it has to do with equality anymore I think they are just seriously lazy. That is why i cant respect a man that thinks its ok to live off of women. Like i said if people are ok with that situation then so be it live your life. But everyone has their own way of thinking.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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If you want fancier dates, you need to leave this dude alone and find someone who has the means to support the fancier dates. I find nothing inherently wrong with this dude. He is trying to live in his limited means and being honest most don't have a high level of interest in exploring the world around them and are chill with playing video games (a lot of my female friends play video games, not just a male thing) and hanging with friends, myself included. Just put this relationship out of its misery.
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You complain about him picking the more expensive items on the menu whilst you pick the cheaper ones - has he ever actually asked you not to pick certain things on the menu due to cost or are you just doing it anyway, and then expect him to read your mind and do the same when it is your turn to pay? 
