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Basically a few years ago, I had a FWB and then after we both went into relationships with other people. After we were both done with relationships, we came across each other again, and decided to give it another shot as FWBs again. When we first started a few years ago, it was fun at first but I started to notice a pattern about her I kept getting more and more turned off by. Before she wanted to have sex each time, she wanted to go out and drink, but not just one or two drinks, but a lot. A couple of times at least on the way back, she wanted me to stop at liquor stores and buy her more. But if I said no, she would keep asking. I mean it's normal for a young person to get smashed once in a while, but is it normal for it to happen once or more a week, if you are planning on meeting up to get laid?
I kept getting turned off, cause I feel she needed too much alcohol, to get in the mood possibly. I tried to talk to her about it back then but she got offended and upset over me saying I thought she drank too much to get in the mood, and she stopped talking to me for a while but then emailed me a few times later, and we both made up (not sexually), but then later on departed once we both got into relationships.
Fast forward till now, and we hooked up a couple of times, but then the third time, she wanted to go out first and I said sure. She drank a lot again, before going back to her place, and then the next night she wanted to do it again but go out drinking again. I explained it to her as politely as I could that it was kind of turning me off, and I didn't feel like taking her out to get drunk everytime before sex, but she got turned off again and reacted too emotionally offended to talk about it calmly, I feel. She says that she doesn't want just sex only cause she feels like she is being used, even though she said she wanted to use me originally, and said that was okay. But if that's how she feels, than that's fine, that's fair.
But I told her that she doesn't have to have me take her out to get drunk everytime, in order to not feel used. She then told me I was being too controlling and I should just let her have her fun. I wanted us both want the same thing though. What do you think, I felt bad. Was I being too controlling, and I just need to lighten up or something?
Basically a few years ago, I had a FWB and then after we both went into relationships with other people. After we were both done with relationships, we came across each other again, and decided to give it another shot as FWBs again. When we first started a few years ago, it was fun at first but I started to notice a pattern about her I kept getting more and more turned off by. Before she wanted to have sex each time, she wanted to go out and drink, but not just one or two drinks, but a lot. A couple of times at least on the way back, she wanted me to stop at liquor stores and buy her more. But if I said no, she would keep asking. I mean it's normal for a young person to get smashed once in a while, but is it normal for it to happen once or more a week, if you are planning on meeting up to get laid?
I kept getting turned off, cause I feel she needed too much alcohol, to get in the mood possibly. I tried to talk to her about it back then but she got offended and upset over me saying I thought she drank too much to get in the mood, and she stopped talking to me for a while but then emailed me a few times later, and we both made up (not sexually), but then later on departed once we both got into relationships.
Fast forward till now, and we hooked up a couple of times, but then the third time, she wanted to go out first and I said sure. She drank a lot again, before going back to her place, and then the next night she wanted to do it again but go out drinking again. I explained it to her as politely as I could that it was kind of turning me off, and I didn't feel like taking her out to get drunk everytime before sex, but she got turned off again and reacted too emotionally offended to talk about it calmly, I feel. She says that she doesn't want just sex only cause she feels like she is being used, even though she said she wanted to use me originally, and said that was okay. But if that's how she feels, than that's fine, that's fair.
But I told her that she doesn't have to have me take her out to get drunk everytime, in order to not feel used. She then told me I was being too controlling and I should just let her have her fun. I wanted us both want the same thing though. What do you think, I felt bad. Was I being too controlling, and I just need to lighten up or something?
Yes it's very normal to go out and enjoy a night out first like FRIENDS do and then back to his/hers for the BENEFITS part mate.
I don't think you were being controlling but yeah I think you need to lighten up a touch mate ( no offence ) if memory serves you don't drink or drink much?... so maybe your perception of how much she drinks is not as bad as others might consider it, plus above all else it sounds like she just enjoys a night out
Personally I don't think she needs alcohol to get in the mood mate as she wouldn't have seen you as much as she did ( just my opinion )
I'm not sure what I wanted to happen to be honest, but I feel like it takes a long time for her to get all the drinks down. Like a lot of times we will be going back to her place, and it is like 1 in the morning, and I feel too tired to do anything. That's cool though, I don't have to.
It just feels like dates, rather than FWB, which is what we both agreed on. I mean it does take a lot of time, and I have to make a whole night out of it, where as I thought the FWB arrangement was more of not taking a whole night out of it, if that makes sense. Perhaps my perception of it is just wrong.
I'm not sure what I wanted to happen to be honest, but I feel like it takes a long time for her to get all the drinks down. Like a lot of times we will be going back to her place, and it is like 1 in the morning, and I feel too tired to do anything. That's cool though, I don't have to.
It just feels like dates, rather than FWB, which is what we both agreed on. I mean it does take a lot of time, and I have to make a whole night out of it, where as I thought the FWB arrangement was more of not taking a whole night out of it, if that makes sense. Perhaps my perception of it is just wrong.
Some work differently of course mate but it's natural that you would be spending time with them other than just sex and that will be socially.... Now in my circles going out for a drink is my normality or even a restaurant before we go back home.
It's usually based on what mutual interests you both have that decides the things you do when out socially
Yes it's very normal to go out and enjoy a night out first like FRIENDS do and then back to his/hers for the BENEFITS part mate.
What do you want to happen?
Agreed. FRIENDS. You go out and have fun, and oh look, here come the benefits. Otherwise it just sounds like he expected an FB. We all have different definitions though, I happen to agree with yours, much more fun.
It's very easy. She's having sex with you in exchange for booze.
Let me make some wild guesses here.
She's not having just 2 or 3 drinks to unwind. She's getting pretty well smashed.
And you're paying for everything, right? Even if you buy her a bottle to go home with.
Agreed. FRIENDS. You go out and have fun, and oh look, here come the benefits. Otherwise it just sounds like he expected an FB. We all have different definitions though, I happen to agree with yours, much more fun.
Ohhhhhh what great minds we have ...... I was thinking that a FB is what he's describing or wants but as you RIGHTLY said we all have different definitions of it
When you try to tell someone how he or she should feel that is controlling.
This is your example of trying to control how she feels, "But I told her that she doesn't have to have me take her out to get drunk everytime, in order to not feel used."
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