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I'm not the best looking guy. I'm probably average somewhere in the 4-6 range depending on who you ask. It hurts me because I know a woman will never be with me due to raw attraction. She will want me for my resources as well as her desperation to have a child and lock down a guy. How do you come to terms with this? I just want a woman who is as crazy about me as I am about her. Seems like this won't be in my future as I am not attractive to women. It's a tough pill to swallow. How do you cope?
In this day and age do you really think women just want a provider or baby daddy? They only women I know who are like that are the ones that have little education, illegitimate children or druggies. We are no longer looking for Prince Charming.
As a woman if I was looking (which I'm not) I would want a man who was honest, had integrity, good personality, sense of humor, decent income (so I wouldn't have to provide for HIM) and wasn't a slob. Notice I never mentioned looks at all.
I have a feeling you may be looking for love in all the wrong places.
I don't think the OP will ever get that attraction and looks can be completely unrelated. I have to be attracted to my mate, he doesn't have to be good looking.
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Is it a common thing to ask your dates how they rate you? That seems like it would be a pretty off-putting experience.
"So dinner was great, maybe we can do it again sometime...oh, and how would you rate my looks on a scale of 1-10? Like a 7 or so?"
When a guy asks me to rate anything on a scale of 1 to 10, my go-to answer is 7. It's not the truth, but most guys' delicate egos can't handle anything less. A guy fishing for a rating is going to be hurt or even launch a full scale battle with you if you don't appease his ego. But I only date grown men who are secure in themselves, so I haven't had to face this type of awkwardness for some time now.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Yes, thank you for understanding.
I don't think the OP will ever get that attraction and looks can be completely unrelated. I have to be attracted to my mate, he doesn't have to be good looking.
I (and others) have been saying that again and again and he just can't get it, or acknowledge it.
I don't think the OP will ever get that attraction and looks can be completely unrelated. I have to be attracted to my mate, he doesn't have to be good looking.
Maybe the issue is that some of us have never been attracted to a person who wasn't good looking in our opinions.
I don't feel I need to cope with that at all seeing as I will not date a woman who doesn't have a job and isn't in school. I will not take of care of an able bodied woman while she sits around does nothing all day. It's either we be on the same equal grounds or nothing happens.
Usually a guy who says something like the original post is primarily concerned with how their significant other looks. So if a woman isn't the usual thin, fresh-faced thing, despite whatever qualities she offers beyond that, they'll weasel around with "Well I can't help what I'm attracted to".
Women are only interested in you as a provider because of your looks? Then work on who you are. Develop some character and standards. Expand your education. And maybe you'll expand your attractions at the same time. Because if you're a slave to your narrow attraction range and have no genuine qualities to recommend you to another person, you're gonna just be stuck in that provider role.
I don't think it's wrong for a woman to look for a provider, if she is a traditional type who wants to stay home with kids. If you want a woman who wants to work on her career throughout her lifetime, look for someone who doesn't want children or maybe just wants one child only.
It's very simple to say "I want someone who wants me for me". Most people look for something in a relationship, something that will make it worthwhile, other than just a nice person. Being nice isn't enough. You have to have something to offer, something very solid.
That's only just 2 women though that I could think of that were attractive that rated me above average. Women that are into tall & muscular guys won't be attracted to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
If they aren't, it isn't because you aren't tall and muscular.
I get the point you're making, but why not? Why can't the obvious reason, that women who like X simply don't notice Y, be the answer?
It's kind of like a person who doesn't like red meat. Someone is grilling steaks and they walk by with no interest, and the reason suggested here is that it looked overcooked What about they don't ****ing like red meat?
I know that doesn't help the discussion with Jersey4life, but will anything?
So, are you looking at women in the 4-6 range? Or do you need to have a hot young 10 1/2 or you can't be attracted?
Some people are never happy, no matter what. If you were a 10 and movie star handsome, you'd be complaining that women were only using you for your looks and had no interest in the person that you really are.
I've got no sympathy. The majority of men are in that 4-6 range of looks and most of them can have a nice marriage to a woman who cares about them. You aren't special because you are normal looking.
Very very few men are head-turning handsome. Very close to none of them. Just because they concentrate in Hollywood, so you see them on TV, that doesn't mean that is what everyone but you looks like.
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