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My husband and I have been together 18 years, 10 of which we have been married. We first lived in an apartment, then in a townhouse he bought (not married yet), and now live in a house that I bought.
We have always had separate accounts. We have always, generally, split the household bills (rent, mortgages (still own both houses), utilities, food) equally. Individual bills (cars, credit cards, etc) have always been paid individually.
We've never had a fight about money.
So, by this logic, do you think you should only pay the difference in utilities? You are looking at this from a relationship view, yet you are trying to solve the breakdown from a roommate view. The amount you should pay is the market rate for the space you will occupy. Are you taking up two rooms? What would two rooms in a shared house cost in your area? That is the correct amount. Just because he has equity and would "be paying it anyway" doesn't mean you should be entitled to something below market. The difference in salaries is also irrelevant.
If you want to treat this more like a relationship (where differences in salaries; long term equity is valued), then you need to get married.
I am trying to understand how differences in salaries are irrelevant. This directly affects how much each partner can contribute and quality of life for both after bills are paid.
OP,
My husband and I did this when we met. We had very different approaches to money and it created stressors for us. We had to sit down and discuss it about six months later. He wasn't contributing as much because he made less, I was resentful, etc. We worked it out then and are now married.
I would draw up a contract to avoid any issues later.
I am trying to understand how differences in salaries are irrelevant. This directly affects how much each partner can contribute and quality of life for both after bills are paid.
OP,
My husband and I did this when we met. We had very different approaches to money and it created stressors for us. We had to sit down and discuss it about six months later. He wasn't contributing as much because he made less, I was resentful, etc. We worked it out then and are now married.
I would draw up a contract to avoid any issues later.
Do you want to marry him?
Because they both would be paying a mortgage or rent regardless if they didn't move in together. By the OP moving in and paying half she is saving $300 a month. She could put that money away for a rainy day. It's $300 she didn't have before. If at some point they decide to get married, then they can discuss how to work out the finances differently.
I also think if you draw up any kind of contract you can kiss your relationship goodbye!
"Hi, my boyfriend who just asked me and my daughter to move in with you....can you sign this contract that says that I pay $$$ towards the bills".
Really? Why would she ask such a thing of her boyfriend? He's trying to make it 50/50 so it's not an issue. She'll be saving money from what she's paying for rent now and I'm assuming it's a bigger space. Not to mention, she's not renting a room from a friend or a stranger , it's her boyfriend who's taking the relationship to the next level. I think if she would start to talk contracts and such it could ruin the relationship. Just my opinion.
"Hi, my boyfriend who just asked me and my daughter to move in with you....can you sign this contract that says that I pay $$$ towards the bills".
Really? Why would she ask such a thing of her boyfriend? He's trying to make it 50/50 so it's not an issue. She'll be saving money from what she's paying for rent now and I'm assuming it's a bigger space. Not to mention, she's not renting a room from a friend or a stranger , it's her boyfriend who's taking the relationship to the next level. I think if she would start to talk contracts and such it could ruin the relationship. Just my opinion.
"Why would she ask such a thing...? "
Love doesn't make people immune from financial disputes.
I assumed the boyfriend would be the one asking for a contract, since people are moving into his house. I'd venture that many more of relationships have been ruined by assumptions ("I thought you were going to pay for that!" "I thought you would cover this when I lost my job." "I didn't know that my paying late would mess up YOUR credit.") made by people in love.
It's not uncommon, and it's not an insult. It's a sign of consideration and intelligence. Check rule #3 here:
Love doesn't make people immune from financial disputes.
I assumed the boyfriend would be the one asking for a contract, since people are moving into his house. I'd venture that many more of relationships have been ruined by assumptions ("I thought you were going to pay for that!" "I thought you would cover this when I lost my job." "I didn't know that my paying late would mess up YOUR credit.") made by people in love.
It's not uncommon, and it's not an insult. It's a sign of consideration and intelligence. Check rule #3 here:
LOL, I didn't go by any "moving in" rules. Just split bills 50/50. And I've been married 15 years.
Congrats
Lots of people aren't so lucky. You also were the homeowner in your scenario, which is not the case of the OP.
The thought processes expressed by the OP exhibited a lot of red flags. That combined with the fact that she got burned in her divorce indicates that winging it may not work for her.
Lots of people aren't so lucky. You also were the homeowner in your scenario, which is not the case of the OP.
The thought processes expressed by the OP exhibited a lot of red flags. That combined with the fact that she got burned in her divorce indicates that winging it may not work for her.
I see your point as well If it really bothers the OP they need to sit down and have a good talk before she moves in! Get it all out in the open.
When I initially read your post I understood your viewpoint. It didn't seem quite right to you that you're paying 50-50.
When I read you have a daughter that will live with you full-time I changed my mind. 50-50 seems equitable. You're moving in 2 people. The increased utility and food expenses make that seem fair.
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If it really bothers the OP they need to sit down and have a good talk before she moves in! Get it all out in the open.
