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Those of you who have/do live with a SO but aren't married, how do you split the bills?
We are not planning on marriage (both in our 40's and divorced single parents)
but do plan on a long term relationship.
I know this is mostly a money issue, but I don't want it to cause problems in our relationship,
I want to work out the details BEFORE we make the move.
At the beginning... start like housemates with CLEAR expectations.
Probably a fixed flat amount each month for "rent & utilities" plus a budget for groceries.
Quote:
the fact that he owns the house and I don't means I have no legal claim to anything either.
And even if you do marry that isn't likely to change for decades.
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I have NO problem paying my share, BUT...
But nothing. Anything less or more than a "fair share" of expenses
gets negotiated as time goes on and as the relationship deepens.
(see link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76tV58wsBcs)
So talk it out to determine what is "fair".
Whatever the number is... it shouldn't be more than what you (each) pay now.
How much less you EACH have to pay and what to do with that extra cash
and how you each do that (eg retirement investing vs vacations and toys) is the next discussion.
Last edited by MrRational; 12-21-2016 at 07:07 AM..
I would look at this no differently then if he were strictly a roommate. Its all well and good to be planning for a long time relationship, but often as not it just doesnt work out that way. What happens when you, or he, decides you need to move, that the relationship isnt working. Will you be able to quickly get a place for yourself? Are good apartments difficult to find there? Do you like where you live now?
Sounds to me like he's just getting a roommate to help him pay off his house. And maybe a free housekeeper? and cook? but only you know that situation, we dont.
I think theres a lot to be said for keeping your independence. But thats just me.
Thanks for the input, but I was asking for examples, do you have any experiences to share?
I've lived with several SO's without kids involved. The bills have always been split equally. It just works better that way. You and your daughter would have to pay to live somewhere if you were not moving in with your SO. You have no equity in the townhome you currently rent. So why would you care that he owns the home?
I would imagine that your 50% of expenses living with your SO is significantly less than 100% of what you pay now to support yourself -- so you would have more disposable income in the end. That seems like a win - win for both of you.
I would not feel comfortable with someone subsidizing my living expenses and honestly that could create resentment with your SO. If he told you a specific amount and it is roughly half of expenses, clearly that's what he thinks is fair. If you don't think that is fair you might not want to move in with him or discuss why you don't think that is fair.
I own my own home and it's the best investment I've ever made. I also have a child and I would not ever feel comfortable moving in with a SO with my child without being married. If things don't work out it just creates instability for your daughter.
I have trouble with you paying roughly 50% of the mortgage but not getting any benefit of that. You would get nothing (no equity) if you move out. For that reason I would negotiate lower. You also had no say when he bought the house what you could afford in the mortgage but he has full say what 50% is; that isn't fair. (I assume too that your bf didn't put thought into all that just spouted a number that sounded good. I'm not trying to paint him in a bad light).
However...I think since in a way you are a renter, that your share should be market value for what he would rent to a stranger and daughter if that were the case. Using this as a comparison, not a thing that would really happen.
Renting out isn't based on a mortgage but market value.
I knew a couple where he made I think 70% more than she did... so he paid 70% of the mortgage/utilities...just a thought...it worked for them.
Another couple I know who've been married 50+ years... every time they have a major discussion (like this topic) they write down how they agree they're going to handle it...on this huge paper that covers a door in their bedroom.
They started it years ago.. so any time they have a disagreement.. pretty much everything has already been discussed/written down.. and they go check what they'd agreed on.
Thanks everyone for your replies, for the record I'm NOT "trying to get him to marry me", we are both on the same page about that. We did have a discussion last night and I feel a little better, he is pretty adamant about just giving him X amount at the first of the month, he thinks that will be easier than splitting every bill 50/50 as it comes in. We went over numbers and the amount I'm going to pay is 45% of the average of the monthly bills (house and utilities only, we will each pay our own car, insurance, etc.) while he will pay 55%. Groceries will be split, but not going to keep score and we already take turns paying for dinners out. He also said he would be paying for any home repairs/lawn treatments/upgrades since it is HIS house. His son will graduate in 3 years, my daughter in 4 so at that time we may decide to relocate and buy something together.
Good point about paying with check, I will be sure to do that. No one wants to think the person they love could lie about that stuff, but I never in a million years thought the man I was married to for 14 years would either, so I do have to cover my behind.
This woman is not being asked to pay 50% of the mortgage. She is not being asked to pay any of it.
She is being asked to pay HER WAY.
But, for whatever reason, she doesn't seem too keen on doing so. Instead she's more preoccupied with the possibility of getting his house when it ends. Yes, when, not if.
If it was a rental would one consider 50/50 to be fair? There is no guarantee that money can be made if and when he sold the house so I say 50/50 if probably fair even if he owns the house. Also an adjustment might be warranted but not a major one as non-mortgage expenses are shared. I would say at best, 40/60.
This woman is not being asked to pay 50% of the mortgage. She is not being asked to pay any of it.
She is being asked to pay HER WAY.
But, for whatever reason, she doesn't seem too keen on doing so. Instead she's more preoccupied with the possibility of getting his house when it ends. Yes, when, not if.
LOL, that is the most ridiculous thing ever!
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