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Eh, I think if someone isn't in control of their own affairs, then they become unreliable. And that isn't the sort of person that is fun to hang out with anyway.
Say for example that your mate goes to play football with you on a Sunday. Then he gets into a relationship, and suddenly starts getting flakey....
You'll have to drop him. Constantly adapt to what you are being told by people. The guy is merely telling you that his priorities have changed.
And yes, the woman could very well be bossing him. But what does that really matter within your context?
What matters is value, and he is giving it elsewhere. Therefore, you have a (maybe tough) decision to make.
Never try to change people. That goes for men and women. Take people for what they are, not for what they aren't. And your life will be happier.
It's not just about control. It's about someone coming into my life and making me give up things I've been enjoying for years, just because I'm "in a relationship" now. Things like trivia nights, board games, or even perfectly healthy ones, like cardio boot camp classes. For a semi-funny point of comparison, it's like refusing to convert to Judaism because you like bacon too much.
I'd tell you that you'd only get into a relationship where someone "made you" do something if you actually chose to be with that type of person- but I know that those words would be completely lost on you.
You're set in your ways. Hopefully you will find people to have in your life that share your sentiments.
I'd tell you that you'd only get into a relationship where someone "made you" do something if you actually chose to be with that type of person- but I know that those words would be completely lost on you.
You're set in your ways. Hopefully you will find people to have in your life that share your sentiments.
Often comes down to submissive/dominance, doesn't it?
Let's face it, a man that really prioritizes going to the football, is going to the football.
The truth is that submissive/dominance exists in our relationships between men too.
So, we might be used to telling our friend, let's go to X on Friday, and him following our lead.
Suddenly a woman is on the scene, and he is finally getting some action - so he gets silly about it. Then she is telling him that he'll do X on Friday, instead. Or maybe he is just afraid to rock the boat.
Sometimes, indeed, a man might prefer doing what his woman wants - of course. But, I think there are many times where someone like OP has a point.
Then we, as guys, get upset that our friend isn't doing what we expect . Which is something he will just have to learn to accept.
Often comes down to submissive/dominance, doesn't it?
Does it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by F1end
So, we might be used to telling our friend, let's go to X on Friday, and him following our lead.
That sounds more domineering to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by F1end
Suddenly a woman is on the scene, and he is finally getting some action - so he gets silly about it. Then she is telling him that he'll do X on Friday, instead. Or maybe he is just afraid to rock the boat.
What if, for argument's sake, the buddy with the relationship is actually the dominant one in this hypothetical relationship? Or do dominant guys not forgo spending time in bars with their buddies when they can spend that time with their significant other? (That last part is very rhetorical.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by F1end
Then we, as guys, get upset that our friend isn't doing what we expect . Which is something he will just have to learn to accept.
Learning to be an adult is sometimes a very hard thing, for sure.
It's not just about control. It's about someone coming into my life and making me give up things I've been enjoying for years, just because I'm "in a relationship" now. Things like trivia nights, board games, or even perfectly healthy ones, like cardio boot camp classes. For a semi-funny point of comparison, it's like refusing to convert to Judaism because you like bacon too much.
That entire post IS about control. A normal, healthy partmer is not going to make you give up Trivia Night or bowling night or anything else (I have never heard of a partner not allowing their S.O. to attend cardio boot classes, btw...why on earth wouldn't they want you to exercise?)
You don't have to convert to anything....it's not about changing yourself, it's about finding someone to walk your path with you, join you on the journey, not take over your life. There is not one thing I can think of my bf wouldn't "let" me do that I want to do, and vice versa. Neither of us have given up anything.
Again, if you deal with someone unhealthy, bipolar or insecure/jealous, whatever, that's what you could expect, but there is no reason you have to select a partner like that.
So, you are suggesting that there is never a more outgoing, natural decision maker among people?
Seriously?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
What if, for argument's sake, the buddy with the relationship is actually the dominant one in this hypothetical relationship? Or do dominant guys not forgo spending time in bars with their buddies when they can spend that time with their significant other? (That last part is very rhetorical.)
Not in my experience. But you are free to suggest otherwise.
Most dominant (or even just secure) guys don't lose their identity to a relationship the same way that submissive (or even just insecure) guys do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
Learning to be an adult is sometimes a very hard thing, for sure.
I think that's being snarky and dismissive.
Other peoples's boundaries are something that we are always being reminded of. You can be 60 years old, won't make any difference.
Most dominant (or even just secure) guys don't lose their identity to a relationship the same way that submissive (or even just insecure) guys do.
Ah, but we're speaking about "going out with the boys" not losing one's identity. Unless, of course, one's identity is wrapped up in these sorts of things- which would be a completely different topic.
Choosing to spend time with one's partner over spending time out with buddies inherently has zilch to do with being dominant or submissive.
Not in my experience. But you are free to suggest otherwise.
I know otherwise.
The dominant men that I know and respect would not go out with their buddies if they wanted to spend that time with their partner. These guys have absolutely nothing to prove to their pals, and would actually laugh heartily at the suggestion that their partner was "wearing the pants".
Suddenly a woman is on the scene, and he is finally getting some action - so he gets silly about it. Then she is telling him that he'll do X on Friday, instead. Or maybe he is just afraid to rock the boat.
Sometimes, indeed, a man might prefer doing what his woman wants - of course. But, I think there are many times where someone like OP has a point.
Then a woman comes along and says:"You'll do X on Friday night." ?
"A man might prefer doing what his woman wants." ?
Is this how you see relationships: No joint decisions or give and take, a woman bossing you around and you having to do what SHE wants, but having no preferences or suggestions where sometimes she does what YOU would like?
Hahahaha
New poster, have you been in a relationship? No one would want to act like that unless they were mentally ill.
So OP, why don't you just find friends who think like you do and will never be in a relationship and you and they can hang out together for the rest of your lives with no chance of a woman ruining it for you?
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