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Just because he's a decent guy who's in love with you, doesn't mean you're required to give up what you want, just to make him and your family happy. This is YOUR life--if you don't know what you want yet, then wait to get married until you do. If you settle, there's good chance you're going to end up resenting him and your marriage in the long run.
You deserve better for your life than a "meh" marriage. Marriage takes lots of work even if you're actually in love. The marriage you're looking at will likely feel like a trap and you will feel lost and cheated. You're young and real love is likely to come your way farther along your path.
If you should try to remedy a loveless union by then becoming a parent, you'll feel even more ambivalent and locked in.
Happiness mostly comes from within. It's something you can learn to gain more for yourself as you mature. What does a more fulfilling and even joyous life look like to you? A good counselor/therapist might help you figure that out and how to take steps toward getting there. That would include dealing with social awkwardness and family and cultural issues as you learn to be a better version of yourself. You'll then be clearer and stronger within yourself and you'll be a better partner/wife when the time comes.
Your prospective husband should also have someone who marries him for the right reasons and not just as an exit door from your family home into the world of young adulthood.
I know reading through my post it sounds really negative and I feel bad that I'm so negative. It's not all bad or else we wouldn't have been together this whole time. He is really a good man and when he asks me what I want I don't have a real answer. I really wish I could be happy and content. I feel like I'm just not the right woman for him but he loves me regardless. Ive told him I loved him but I'm not sure its true and I feel bad about it. My family loves him amd my mom flips out on me anytime I mention reservations about marrying him. My mother says she didn't love my father when she married him but it's worked out for her.
You deserve better for your life than a "meh" marriage. Marriage takes lots of work even if you're actually in love. The marriage you're looking at will likely feel like a trap and you will feel lost and cheated. You're young and real love is likely to come your way farther along your path.
If you should try to remedy a loveless union by then becoming a parent, you'll feel even more ambivalent and locked in.
Happiness mostly comes from within. It's something you can learn to gain more for yourself as you mature. What does a more fulfilling and even joyous life look like to you? A good counselor/therapist might help you figure that out and how to take steps toward getting there. That would include dealing with social awkwardness and family and cultural issues as you learn to be a better version of yourself. You'll then be clearer and stronger within yourself and you'll be a better partner/wife when the time comes.
Your prospective husband should also have someone who marries him for the right reasons and not just as an exit door from your family home into the world of young adulthood.
After all he's good to me. I don't want to hurt him.
You have no idea how much it would hurt him to find out, 10 years later, that you married him to escape your current situation and because, well, you thought you might as well.
If you found out he was marrying you for that reason, would you want him to proceed?
I've decided to take the leap but I keep questioning if this is the right thing to do. Its not his fault I'm unhappy, When we met I was just leaving school, I felt pretty down on myself, I didn't make any friends while in school and I wasn't happy with my career choice. I went out with him not really expecting anything serious to come out of it. We get along but we argue a lot about stupid things. I dont feel we enjoy each other's company the way a couple should.
I feel like I'm marrying him because I've come to a point of "might as well".
I live with my parents in a cramped apartment. I thought I'd eventually move out but At first my job just didn't pay enough. Then when I got a better job, realized I had accumulated too much debt and I needed to pay it off. Then my mom lost her job and I felt I had to chip in and help more. My parents are also very religious and from a culture where you are expected to live home until you get married so I felt more pressure to stay then to follow my heart and move on.
Living home has helped me pay pay off some of my debt and allowed me to help out the family but I wonder if Ive paid a much higher price when it comes to my mental health and personal growth. Im an introvert and I'm kind of socially awkward. My only activities right now are work and church and I don't enjoy either one of these. Ocasionally I try to push myself to get involved in other things. I go exercise and I've tried some volunteering activities but I just seem unable to find something i enjoy. I know the issue is with me and I've tried therapy several times but nothing's come of it. I feel like maybe if I just had some good friends I'd be happier. People I want to hang out with dont wanna hang out eith me. Honestly i probably wouldn't want to hang out with me either.
A lot of the kids who grew up with me at church have moved away and are doing their own thing. I often feel like the loser who never figured out my life. My soon to be husband is very devout and engaged in church life. If I had known this about him when I met him I probably would not have dated him. I go to church mostly out of boredom but Ive gotten a little involved in certain activities but it still makes me sad because this is not really what I want to be doing.
Part of me is excited about getting married and starting a new stage in my life. I like the idea of a getting married and starting a family. I'm just really unhappy with myself for not knowing what I want and going after it. One of my mom's friends approached me recently and asked me if my mom was forcing me to get married. This made me sad and it tells me I'm not hiding my feelings well. Planning a big wedding for the family also makes me sad because I really feel like I'll look depressed while trying to convince myself and everyone else that I'm happy and that this is what I want. Ive told my fiance how i felt but he seems to think it's just a phase. Maybe it is but I don't know.
Further, until you feel good about yourself, you should in no way enter into marriage. Because, otherwise, you're bringing a whole bunch of unhappiness. Bad way to start out a life together.
it sounds like she has already brought up doubts to her SO several times and he's blowing them off - which to me sounds like he may have some issues as well.
This sounds like disaster in the making. You're not in love with him and you'd be miserable. Call it off and let him go. I can't figure out why he's so intent on marrying you knowing how you feel. Most guys would get the hint by now.
I know reading through my post it sounds really negative and I feel bad that I'm so negative. It's not all bad or else we wouldn't have been together this whole time. He is really a good man and when he asks me what I want I don't have a real answer. I really wish I could be happy and content. I feel like I'm just not the right woman for him but he loves me regardless. Ive told him I loved him but I'm not sure its true and I feel bad about it. My family loves him amd my mom flips out on me anytime I mention reservations about marrying him. My mother says she didn't love my father when she married him but it's worked out for her.
Go with your gut and judging by your post your gut is saying don't do this. Don't enter a marriage with someone you're not in love with simply because it feels like it is something you should do. You'll hurt him way more by doing this than by calling off the wedding now.
OP: Are you ambivalent about most things in your life? Does anything bring you joy or excitement? Do you have goals beyond marriage and children?
Talk to your family doctor. They'll give you a little check sheet to see how you feel.
Don't get married right now. It sounds like you don't even like the guy.
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