Planning a wedding but feeling pretty unhappy about my life choices right now. (marry, man)
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I know reading through my post it sounds really negative and I feel bad that I'm so negative. It's not all bad or else we wouldn't have been together this whole time. He is really a good man and when he asks me what I want I don't have a real answer. I really wish I could be happy and content. I feel like I'm just not the right woman for him but he loves me regardless. Ive told him I loved him but I'm not sure its true and I feel bad about it. My family loves him amd my mom flips out on me anytime I mention reservations about marrying him. My mother says she didn't love my father when she married him but it's worked out for her.
Yeap .... how they did it back in the Old Country 150 years ago.
DO NOT DO IT. Please, this is one decision you do not want to make lightly, or because you don't want to hurt him, or because you "may as well"...you will be sorry, sorry sorry and it's not fair to him either.
Please -- as one poster said, you don't have to break up with him but DO NOT MARRY HIM right now.
I know reading through my post it sounds really negative and I feel bad that I'm so negative. It's not all bad or else we wouldn't have been together this whole time. He is really a good man and when he asks me what I want I don't have a real answer. I really wish I could be happy and content. I feel like I'm just not the right woman for him but he loves me regardless. Ive told him I loved him but I'm not sure its true and I feel bad about it. My family loves him amd my mom flips out on me anytime I mention reservations about marrying him. My mother says she didn't love my father when she married him but it's worked out for her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzlea;
I've had numerous conversations with boyfriend about this and I've suggested we break up several times. He doesnt seem to think it's a big deal. After these conversations we get along really well and then I rethink and tell myself there is no good reason to break up. After all he's good to me. I don't want to hurt him.
Not wanting to hurt someone is a terrible reason to go through with a marriage you have misgivings and doubts about.
Not wanting to displease mom is a terrible reason to go through with a marriage you're not fully into and committed to. Mom doesn't have to live with your guy for years; you do. It's your life, not hers. And how fair is it to the guy, for him to have a wife who's not into him?
If you're not right for him, and he's not right for you, call it off. Don't get married to a guy you don't love just because you're afraid of upsetting people's applecarts. It would be a huge injustice to the guy for you to marry him if you don't feel like you two are a good fit. He deserves someone who's crazy about him, and you're not that someone. It happens, OP. You're not a Bad Person just because you don't get excited about this guy.
This isn't a thing to do when you can't be "all-in."
This. Taking the huge step of committing your life to someone in front of dozens, if not hundreds, of people and the State or God is not something you do unless you're all-in, and think your guy is the greatest thing since sliced bread. It's not something you do if you have doubts.
This. Taking the huge step of committing your life to someone in front of dozens, if not hundreds, of people and the State or God is not something you do unless you're all-in, and think your guy is the greatest thing since sliced bread. It's not something you do if you have doubts.
Yep. This is one of my life lessons from ex-wife v1.0. I had all kinds of misgivings. The path of least resistance was to let the wedding happen rather than blow up the relationship. Big mistake.
Sorry for such a long post but thanks for reading and posting your input. It took me a little while to think through my feelings and post this on the internet so I really appreciate other people's insight. The concensus so far seems to be to call off the wedding. In my heart I relly feel that is the right thing to do but I am exhausted. I've had numerous conversations with boyfriend about this and I've suggested we break up several times. He doesnt seem to think it's a big deal. After these conversations we get along really well and then I rethink and tell myself there is no good reason to break up. After all he's good to me. I don't want to hurt him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzlea
I know reading through my post it sounds really negative and I feel bad that I'm so negative. It's not all bad or else we wouldn't have been together this whole time. He is really a good man and when he asks me what I want I don't have a real answer. I really wish I could be happy and content. I feel like I'm just not the right woman for him but he loves me regardless. Ive told him I loved him but I'm not sure its true and I feel bad about it. My family loves him amd my mom flips out on me anytime I mention reservations about marrying him. My mother says she didn't love my father when she married him but it's worked out for her.
My guess is you're gonna go with the wedding. If I'm right then be glad that you've found a good man and it seems he truly is. Some people say it's better to find someone who loves you more than you love him, might not work for everybody but the advice might give you some insights. Sometimes you don't realise what you wanted has always been there until you lost it.
Yep. This is one of my life lessons from ex-wife v1.0. I had all kinds of misgivings. The path of least resistance was to let the wedding happen rather than blow up the relationship. Big mistake.
Wow. Sorry that happened. These wedding prep things can become such a juggernaut that sometimes people just surrender to it instead of listening to that little voice that may be saying, "This really isn't a good idea."
Let me help. It says, Planning a wedding but feeling pretty unhappy about my life choices right now.
You're unhappy about the choice you've made. So why would you compound that with MORE unhappiness, by going through with the wedding? Just because he's (seemingly) a nice guy? Because your mom likes him? What about the you're-unhappy part? Doesn't that count? You're ok with being unhappy the rest of your life as long as your guy and your mom are happy? Really??
Think about this, OP. Really think about it.
Then give us an answer.
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