Planning a wedding but feeling pretty unhappy about my life choices right now.

[GiGi603]

Originally Posted by softcrunch

My guess is you're gonna go with the wedding. If I'm right then be glad that you've found a good man and it seems he truly is. Some people say it's better to find someone who loves you more than you love him, might not work for everybody but the advice might give you some insights. Sometimes you don't realise what you wanted has always been there until you lost it.

I have so many mixed emotions about the OP's post.

For me my little dream when I was growing up was to have kids and a family. I was an introvert and a bit of a loner. I had a few friends, dated a few, never really had long term relationships. I did start dating a guy within my culture. Did I see a few red flags? Yes. I remember one night before we were married I thought this was going to be a mistake. In all honesty I did not want to be alone in life. He was good to me. His temper was his major flaw. I certainly was not going to go back to live at home, I wasn't going to have "roommates" my entire life. I didn't want to be alone.

So here I am 35 years later, married to the same guy. We own a home and have raised three kids successfully. The question for the OP--are you happier with or without him? I don't think anyone has the "perfect partner". I will say for me having the same culture, religion, political views is a plus. In the culture I am part of couples rarely get divorced. Couples are dedicated to their families and work things out. Do I think if I would have "held out" I would have found someone better? I don't know. I do have a man who is dedicated to me. Who takes care of me. Who supported me as a stay at home mother for 17 years. Never bugged me about getting a job while I was raising my kids. Never bugs me when I take off extra days at work. Does he still have his flaw of a bad temper? Yes. I have to look at the entire picture. His childhood was pretty nasty, everyone has their baggage.

Originally Posted by mizzlea

Part of me is excited about getting married and starting a new stage in my life. I like the idea of a getting married and starting a family. I'm just really unhappy with myself for not knowing what I want and going after it.

I am still wondering that about myself and I turn 60 later this year. Some people in life seem to know what they want. I have kind of made it through life finding things to make me happy along the way.

Good luck OP.

[CGab]

If you have to question if you're doing the right thing by getting married, then it's not the right thing! There should be no question!

[mizzlea]

Originally Posted by GiGi603

I have so many mixed emotions about the OP's post.

For me my little dream when I was growing up was to have kids and a family. I was an introvert and a bit of a loner. I had a few friends, dated a few, never really had long term relationships. I did start dating a guy within my culture. Did I see a few red flags? Yes. I remember one night before we were married I thought this was going to be a mistake. In all honesty I did not want to be alone in life. He was good to me. His temper was his major flaw. I certainly was not going to go back to live at home, I wasn't going to have "roommates" my entire life. I didn't want to be alone.

So here I am 35 years later, married to the same guy. We own a home and have raised three kids successfully. The question for the OP--are you happier with or without him? I don't think anyone has the "perfect partner". I will say for me having the same culture, religion, political views is a plus. In the culture I am part of couples rarely get divorced. Couples are dedicated to their families and work things out. Do I think if I would have "held out" I would have found someone better? I don't know. I do have a man who is dedicated to me. Who takes care of me. Who supported me as a stay at home mother for 17 years. Never bugged me about getting a job while I was raising my kids. Never bugs me when I take off extra days at work. Does he still have his flaw of a bad temper? Yes. I have to look at the entire picture. His childhood was pretty nasty, everyone has their baggage.



I am still wondering that about myself and I turn 60 later this year. Some people in life seem to know what they want. I have kind of made it through life finding things to make me happy along the way.

Good luck OP.

I really appreciated this response. I really wish I could feel more sure about what I want out of life but I don't know if I'll ever find it. But I do find joy in the little things. If I didn't, I wouldn't still be in a relationship with him. But I still feel like I'm looking for something else to feel fulfilled which is not fair to him. He deserves a wife who wants nothing more than to be with him. But even knowing this about me, he still wants to marry me. Wedding plans are on hold for now. I'm really frustrated with myself and with the situation. I want to move forward but then I start to get panic attacks when things start getting too real.

[weezerfan84]

Originally Posted by mizzlea

I really appreciated this response. I really wish I could feel more sure about what I want out of life but I don't know if I'll ever find it. But I do find joy in the little things. If I didn't, I wouldn't still be in a relationship with him. But I still feel like I'm looking for something else to feel fulfilled which is not fair to him. He deserves a wife who wants nothing more than to be with him. But even knowing this about me, he still wants to marry me. Wedding plans are on hold for now. I'm really frustrated with myself and with the situation. I want to move forward but then I start to get panic attacks when things start getting too real.

This is your mind telling you that something is amiss. Marriage is a huge undertaking and it shouldn't be taken lightly. There's either something missing from your partner, or there's something missing within you. Have you thought of talking to a therapist to have a third party talk out how you feel?

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by mizzlea

I want to move forward but then I start to get panic attacks when things start getting too real.

Originally Posted by weezerfan84

This is your mind telling you that something is amiss.

I agree. That's not even just intuition; that's your body full-on telling you to put on the brakes.