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If you are already dating them and they are fine with your personality, I'm not sure why finding out you had autism would change anything. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't primarily a socialization thing?
Just going by the OP's other threads, he doesn't sound like he has any problems with getting dates. There's too many misconception's about autism and too many people run when they hear this word. Which is why I refrained from telling people early on. I think when it comes down to procreation or marriage, they have a right to know. Someone one the autism spectrum really shouldn't be afraid of having children. If mine have it in the same way I have it, I expect that they'll grow up to lead normal lives, just like I am. Even if they need more help along the way.
I bet there's probably many people on the autism spectrum, that people meet every day, that you would have no idea, would have even been on the spectrum.
Just going by the OP's other threads, he doesn't sound like he has any problems with getting dates. There's too many misconception's about autism and too many people run when they hear this word. Which is why I refrained from telling people early on. I think when it comes down to procreation or marriage, they have a right to know. Someone one the autism spectrum really shouldn't be afraid of having children. If mine have it in the same way I have it, I expect that they'll grow up to lead normal lives, just like I am. Even if they need more help along the way.
I bet there's probably many people on the autism spectrum, that people meet every day, that you would have no idea, would have even been on the spectrum.
I've always suspected that I may be. There is just some stuff that I just don't get socially, but I have learned what is and is not acceptable. I still don't get it.
If my husband would have told me he was autistic during dating, I wouldn't have cared, I liked him. I find this viewpoint weird (see told you I don't understand things).
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OP, if you're seeing someone that you really like, can see a long future with, then I would certainly tell them sooner rather than later. It's being honest with yourself. It's being honest with your relationship. And you might find that it's received by the other as a bit of a relief for them to let their own guards/shields down. She very well might view this news as your willingness to trust her with something that is likely your core secret in life. Don't play the wounded puppy routine, and I know you won't and I know you don't want to (sorry if that comment is a little harsh), and don't let her behave like it either.
I have a 7 year old daughter who is autistic. Non verbal, and the last words I actually heard from her were "I love you daddy" when she was nearly 3 years old. I applaud you, my friend. Never hide who you are to those you want to be around.
My wife had a secret when we were dating. She was terrified to tell me, and waited nearly 2 years before telling me. Some doctor told her that her chances of having children someday were less than 10%. I'll never forget how frightened she was to tell me this as we were clearly on the path to getting engaged and married. She wanted me to know this before we got too serious (although 2 years, we were certainly very serious). She was so scared to lose me because of this. Was in tears telling me. I looked her square in the eyes and said "so what, life is nothing but challenges, and I'm pretty good at getting past them, and so are you." To this day (13 years later), I can tell you the exact moment I really saw what love looked like in the eyes of another person. We were married two years later. 18 months later, while watching TV, I looked at her and said "I'm bored. Want to have kids?" She nervously said "yes, we can try." Went upstairs, and honest to God, one time is all it took. 9 months later our healthy baby son was born. And not only was he born, but my size 0 wife gave birth within 45 minutes of her water breaking! Nearly didn't make it to the hospital! Didn't even time for so much as an aspirin to numb the pain.
We now have two great kids, one 9 and the other turning 7 in November. I wouldn't change a thing, even my daughter's autism has life lessons engraved into each and every day that I and We would have missed without it.
OP, you do what YOU are comfortable with. But, my advice - if you want the kind of love that's going to carry you through to the end, then be honest with it when you find it, and don't hide yourself from it. Because you'll never truly have it if you do.
Best advice I ever heard when trying to get a girlfriend so many many years ago, crude but true. "If you fart and she laughs, that's a good sign!"
I'm disappointed to see this, coming from someone who has autism that runs in their own family.
I'm going to assume that the OP is a high-functioning autistic person. Many people with a high-functioning autism, grow up to lead very normal and functioning lives. Some have even become really successful. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought even simple things like ADD/ADHD now fall under the autism spectrum? I'm sorry if I'm wrong on that one, but if I'm right, more people are ''Autistic'' than many even realize.
I say this as an autistic (high-functioning) person, myself. My best friend, who wasn't diagnosed until much later in his life, while I was at about 13 or 14, is also a high functioning autistic person. We're both self-sufficient people. His IQ is also off the charts, while mine is probably just above average. I know a few others, who are well into adulthood and suspect they may have a high-functioning autism, but were never tested.
As far as children go, I'm not worried about it, neither is my wife-to-be.
I wrote what I wrote precisely because of my observations and experiences with autism in my own family. It's great that some people can pull off a Temple Grandin or a Tony Attwood. But many cannot, and live very difficult lives, often impoverished.
Beyond all that ... I have no Dx but wonder about my own position (or not) on the spectrum. The life experiences and characteristics that have led to my own suspicions have not been fun ones.
I was told before to never tell a woman this while dating her and that I should just keep it a secret. I can see what people mean as it's very hard for women to want to date a guy if they find that out about them.
However, I find that in my past experiences, a lot of women may have found out the hard way with me and then feel possible cheated after, where as maybe things would have gone better if I had been more upfront about earlier, sometimes I feel. What do you think?
It's not really anybody's business if you don't want to tell them. However, most people will know something's up with you without having to tell them anything.
Your biggest issue is likely to be not with dating, but being in a serious long-term relationship as the whole sharing, empathy, and non-literal stuff is eventually going to screw with your relationship.
When that happens & she starts to pull away is probably when you should bring up specifically what your difficulties in dealing with neurotypicals are. Just telling her you're autistic isn't going to do much if she doesn't understand what that means in detail.
Then once she does the decision sits with her on whether or not she wants to take on the added difficulties/differences that being with you brings.
Actually I'd say if you're just interested in casual dating you probably have an advantage since you're probably perceived as being funny (though often unintentionally so) and just go with it. Women like funny guys.
Okay thanks but is being unintentionally funny a good thing though? Or does that mean they are laughing at me, rather than with me?
Plus I find that gfs in the past, find out some other way before I tell them. I have had three gfs now that have been told I am autistic through third party people telling them before I do. So therefore, is it best to just tell them right away, like maybe on a third date, before someone else tells them?
I work with kids who have autism. It's not hard to notice someone has autism if you know what the indicators are. Perhaps the women you've dated also know these indicators. Why wait for the third date? Just tell them on the first date. If there is a second date, then you know that for that specific woman, your autism isn't a problem for her.
As far as laughing at or with, we've all experienced both, autism or not. Part of life. Don't get worked up over it, just take it in stride.
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