Am I being unreasonable about my fiancée video game habit? (date, movies)
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I have been with my now fiancée over two years and recently got engaged. We are both 27. The thing is he loves his video games and electronic toys about as much as he loves me in that while we do go out and do stuff together and both have good jobs he spends lots of time in his man cave and plays with his friends for hours, and will do it even after I fall asleep.
Now it hasn't really been a huge issue in regards to getting him off if something needs to be done or we are planning on going somewhere but there have been a few times where we have had to postpone a date or outing due to him as he calls it "raid night"; he especially is really big into world of warcraft.
Yes.. "raids" are planned events and it seems he is part of a guild that requires some participation.
First thing... it is absolutely certain that things will NOT improve when you two get married.
Second thing.. you need to talk to him and find a common ground; a compromise. He enjoys his gaming but it has to fit into your future lives together. You won't get to the point of him giving it up. He certainly could be a little more to coordinate his raid's with you and set expectations. Certainly relay that it bothers you that you have to compete for his attention.
I have been with my now fiancée over two years and recently got engaged. We are both 27. The thing is he loves his video games and electronic toys about as much as he loves me in that while we do go out and do stuff together and both have good jobs he spends lots of time in his man cave and plays with his friends for hours, and will do it even after I fall asleep.
Now it hasn't really been a huge issue in regards to getting him off if something needs to be done or we are planning on going somewhere but there have been a few times where we have had to postpone a date or outing due to him as he calls it "raid night"; he especially is really big into world of warcraft.
I just want some thoughts on this. Thanks.
No matter what the habit is--if it's video games, going out to bars, gambling, or porn--if you don't like it now and if you can't get him to change before you get married, it's not going to get better after you're married.
Raiding is generally an organized, scheduled activity with groups ranging from 10-30 people. If he is in a critical role, him leaving could cause the cancellation of the raid for the rest of the group.
Raiding is essentially a part-time job at the high end. I have raided for a decade in World of Warcraft to varying degrees - less serious when in relationships, more seriously like now when single, but do not let it consume my life. These days, it seems easier, but like any hobby, it can get out of control.
What counts as being addicted? Is he functioning normally and doing normal "adult" things? He's not slacking off on his responsibilities?
If you're not a gamer then you won't understand what's involved in his participation with his guild. Even "normal" levels of gaming for such players can look like an addiction to non-gamers. Look, I'm a grown adult with kids, and even I've played for 5, 6, 8, 10 hours on many occasions. When I played WoW and wanted to level up that meant doing raids and a lot of dungeons. I wasn't addicted to gaming anymore than I am addicted to movies/TV shows because I binge-watch favorite shows (just finished Netflix's The OA in one day). I typically waited until my kids stayed over at grandma's house to do my serious gaming, and would play for a couple hours after the kids went to bed.
My husband and I play together on occasion. Stuff still gets done. We're functioning adults and parents. Good thing for us is that we get to share this time together, so it's not like one of us is being left out.
If his interest in gaming is a serious issue for you, rather than forcing him to stop, decide whether you're a compatible couple. I absolutely wouldn't stop gaming for any partner, or any interest or passion that I really enjoy. Which is why I married someone who shares those same interests and passions.
What counts as being addicted? Is he functioning normally and doing normal "adult" things? He's not slacking off on his responsibilities?
If you're not a gamer then you won't understand what's involved in his participation with his guild. Even "normal" levels of gaming for such players can look like an addiction to non-gamers. Look, I'm a grown adult with kids, and even I've played for 5, 6, 8, 10 hours on many occasions. When I played WoW and wanted to level up that meant doing raids and a lot of dungeons. I wasn't addicted to gaming anymore than I am addicted to movies/TV shows because I binge-watch favorite shows (just finished Netflix's The OA in one day). I typically waited until my kids stayed over at grandma's house to do my serious gaming, and would play for a couple hours after the kids went to bed.
My husband and I play together on occasion. Stuff still gets done. We're functioning adults and parents. Good thing for us is that we get to share this time together, so it's not like one of us is being left out.
If his interest in gaming is a serious issue for you, rather than forcing him to stop, decide whether you're a compatible couple. I absolutely wouldn't stop gaming for any partner, or any interest or passion that I really enjoy. Which is why I married someone who shares those same interests and passions.
Agreed.
The thing is, mainstream society often faults and laughs at people who play online games like WoW as losers, but they celebrate vegetating in front of the TV. When people are playing MMOs, they are often at least talking to people, thinking, reacting, etc., instead of sitting passively receiving whatever is coming off the tube.
Gaming can or cannot be a problem, depending on the user, and expectations in the impacted lives. But simply writing all gamers off as addicts is beyond foolish.
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