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BellaLind is 100% spot on with what she said about sophistication. I have met a disturbingly large number of men over 40 who are still in teenage-relationship mode because they never matured out of it. They are not sophisticated (definition: altered by education, experience, etc., so as to be worldly-wise; not naive) in mature, adult relationships. It is a huge, huge turn off. I don't care about looks, money, job, car, but I DO care about maturity and emotional/mental health, and both are lacking when someone still treats relationships (and sex!) like they're 17.
Having relationships with women - and I don't just mean romantic relationships - but friendships and working relationships helps men understand women better. Duh. Saying someone didn't date much because they assume the entirety of the opposite sex everywhere was not interested in them (and that leads to the question: What did you do to improve your chances?) is still no excuse for not having any kind of relationship with any woman any where, and therefore having no idea how to speak or relate to a woman in a romantic sense.
That's interesting because the least mature guys I knew, over the years, were always the ones that had women all over them. My former friend was only one example of this. None of them were anywhere near the definition of the word sophisticated.
It was neither an assumption nor an excuse. Observance of the differences between myself and the men women actually wanted, created a both reasonable and well founded (educated) conclusion. Therefore while having several different women friends over the years I never even considered attempting to date any of them as it would have accomplished nothing more than the destruction of said friendships.
Improving my chances? There's no point in wasting time and resources in an attempt to improve my chances at something that was nil to begin with.
It was neither an assumption nor an excuse. Observance of the differences between myself and the men women actually wanted, created a both reasonable and well founded (educated) conclusion. Therefore while having several different women friends over the years I never even considered attempting to date any of them as it would have accomplished nothing more than the destruction of said friendships.
Improving my chances? There's no point in wasting time and resources in an attempt to improve my chances at something that was nil to begin with.
My husband was very quiet and shy when he was going through school, and had some women friends that he never considered asking for a date because it never occurred to him that they might be interested. In fact, I was the first woman that he ever asked for a date, and he was in his late 20s. It wasn't until after we were married and someone commented that he had gotten away that he found out several female friends had been interested in him.
I am not advising you to go after your old friends at this point, but rather not to jump to conclusions that a woman wouldn't be interested in you if you have never asked.
But women are the mothers who have been raising the boys. Why haven't they been addressing how boys should relate to women? How could they not have realized that this is important?
There are plenty of women who are raising, or trying to raise, their boys to deal positively with their emotions and see women as equals. But mommy hardly has a chance against the toxic, misogynistic culture that surrounds boys.
My husband was very quiet and shy when he was going through school, and had some women friends that he never considered asking for a date because it never occurred to him that they might be interested. In fact, I was the first woman that he ever asked for a date, and he was in his late 20s. It wasn't until after we were married and someone commented that he had gotten away that he found out several female friends had been interested in him.
I am not advising you to go after your old friends at this point, but rather not to jump to conclusions that a woman wouldn't be interested in you if you have never asked.
I can assure you that wouldn't of been the case with me as I was overweight and buck toothed, all through school and through my twenties as well. Which was why I knew full well that none were interested.
I can assure you that wouldn't of been the case with me as I was overweight and buck toothed, all through school and through my twenties as well. Which was why I knew full well that none were interested.
But if you sit down on a bench at the shopping mall and watch the couples walking past, the majority of them are going to be overweight. It is not an insurmountable barrier.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Celestyn
But if you sit down on a bench at the shopping mall and watch the couples walking past, the majority of them are going to be overweight. It is not an insurmountable barrier.
One of my closest friends in the 90s in Madison was overweight, snaggle toothed and had horrible acne along with big azz glasses. He still dated. One chick he did was pretty darn awesome (looking and personality), I would have gone after her if my friend hadn't have dated her.
I don't know anymore. It seems that finding a nice woman to date and god willing in the future build a unity of marriage with gets tougher when you get into later times. One thing is that really is keeping me happy is that I enjoy attending baseball, hockey and basketball games. I am also doing renovations to my new home after this winter. I really enjoy thinking about how my renovations are going to come through. I already have done some over the last few months that I have been in my home. Friends of mine are really excited of the plans that I am going to do and some of the renovation work that has been done. I also am proud of a rewarding career that I have in engineering. I drive a brand new SUV and enjoy going boating on the lake In the summer when I get the chance. One thing is that even women in their early 30s still want a guy that looks likesome hot hunk from a sports team or soap opera. Plus they need to come from a family where the parents are well off financially. I thought they women grow out of that mentally once they reach their 30s. I have dated in the past and came across a lot of women who were like that when I was throughout my 30s . I have parents that i love with all my heart . They have medical problems which isn't their fault. They are not well off financially . I love them again with all my heart and always help them out whenever I can . I thought that women like guys like that who care for their elder parents. I am a self made man who went through college and was responsible for financing my own education. I am also responsible for financing the renovations in my home . Sometimes I wonder am I too late as far as finding a nice woman? I will be 42 years old in 3 months. One thing I get a lot of is that there's a family that lives down the street from me . They are a few years younger than me. Thy have two small children that are always excited to see me whenever I am outside mowing the lawn or getting the mail from my mailbox. The couple like me very much. But I am not the type to go after a married woman. Their kids see me as some father figure . But I am not their father. I do like children but I would like to have my own. I have my neighbors kids candy for Halloween and recently this Christmas, they were all very thankful for it. One thing is that I am not. Some hottie hunk . I dress in nice clothes . Plenty of my coworkers compliment me for my dress shoes and clothes when I am at work. When willl I get my break? Like I said I am really happy with my home renovation project right now but would like to have that special someone in my life. I am building a very nice game room in my basement with a pool table, bar, poker table. I am planning of doing a projector for the room to broadcast cable and also have sports video games on a Sony PlayStation. I am also doing beautiful landscaping around my home in the front and back of the home. I have 3/4 acres of land . But please let me know
Paragraphs friend, paragraphs. I am mid fifties and my story reads similar to yours. Don't look my age, above average income, boat, atvs, motorcycle, snowmobiles, camper, all the toys, nice house in the mountains with a trout stream in the back yard that any woman would be proud to live in. I could have as many flings as I wanted but nobody wants to settle down.
I dated several much younger (20's) women several years ago knowing it had no future but it was fun. No expectations and a good time. In my area women over 40 seem to have no interest in anything other than going to dinner and a movie with little interest in sex or a relationship. Forget it when you date the over 50's here. They don't have the same interests as me and sex is the last thing on their mind. My bank account status and paycheck means more than anything and when do I plan to retire. When I tell them death, they just look at me. Seriously though I will retire some day.
You will be fine. One of my favorite spots is the grocery store. If I was looking for a relationship (not at the moment too much going on) I would hit the grocery store. I have had some great hookups at the grocery store.
You will be fine. One of my favorite spots is the grocery store. If I was looking for a relationship (not at the moment too much going on) I would hit the grocery store. I have had some great hookups at the grocery store.
I agree there's a lot of (often unrealized) potential at the grocery store.
That's interesting because the least mature guys I knew, over the years, were always the ones that had women all over them. My former friend was only one example of this. None of them were anywhere near the definition of the word sophisticated.
Did any of those women stay? Because that's the test. Maybe he has women all over him, he's fun for a minute, and then they figure out what a little boy he is and they leave. That doesn't make a man successful. In addition, you being a guy friend have no idea what your guy friends are like behind closed doors with the women they date - they may be immature with you and very different with the ladies.
Quote:
It was neither an assumption nor an excuse. Observance of the differences between myself and the men women actually wanted, created a both reasonable and well founded (educated) conclusion. Therefore while having several different women friends over the years I never even considered attempting to date any of them as it would have accomplished nothing more than the destruction of said friendships.
Improving my chances? There's no point in wasting time and resources in an attempt to improve my chances at something that was nil to begin with.
So you did make the assumption that no one was interested, didn't bother asking anyone out, and didn't bother doing anything to improve your chances. That's called a self-fulfilling prophecy, not an educated conclusion.
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