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As relieved as I was to get my divorced finalized (after 18 months of him doing everything he could to drag it out because it was a way to control me and make me miserable), I was not happy, much less in the mood for a party. I never, ever wanted to be divorced and it was only when the situation was completely untenable and destroying the kids did I finally call it quits.
There was nothing to celebrate.
But this is the perfect example of why ... you friends or family need to take you by the hand and say hey .... we love you ...we know you tried your best ... things happen and we want to remind you this door may have closed ... but their is a world of possibilities still out there for you to explore!
You gave it your best. You sent 18 months in limbo ending it ... I think you should at least get a cake and some balloons for that !
You endure a difficulty situation and survive!!! Why does that not merite a celebration.
I'm with you. A divorce is nothing more nor less than the failure of marriage - a serious and formal relationship that was supposed to betoken love and commitment. A divorce is nothing to celebrate or party about.
When the ex left me for another after 25 years of marriage she dragged the divorce out for two years and final settlement (I finally bifurcated the two issues) for four. When all was said-and-done I experienced relief, not joy.
See that is where freinds should step up and do something for you.
I swear the first freind that I have that gets divorced I am going to throw them an epic party! I am not wishing anyone to have this happen... but YOLO !
And if it is me ... lets just say when I was young and getting married I had no money ... now I am not so young and have access to a lot more money .... so it is going to be pretty extravagant. Also in my situation before getting married I use to host parties.... but after getting married to someone who was not in to that my lifestyle totally changed. I would totally see a black ball gown in my wardrobe for that night.
I guess for someone like me who for most of her life followed some sort of life script I though I was suppose to follow to have this picture perfect life... a few years ago it really hit home when I realize most of what I thought was suppose to happen did not happen so picture perfect. So now I really don't give a care what happens ... I am going to be making every effort to enjoy as much as I can out of life and not try to stress to much out about it.
I agree. It's a sad thing. In your case your ex playing games with you is ugly and sad. You sometimes have to take measures to protect yourself and the kids as you've mentioned, but again, at the end of the day, it's sad, sad for the kids and sad overall.
I, in a small sense, get what the OP is talking about, or at least the concept of it, it's a way of moving forward and maybe putting a positive spin on something that might have been really bad, I'm not devoid of understanding multiple angles of a given subject, but yeah... I still think it sucks.....
The general subject of getting divorced sucks....
BUT ....
Things happen..... an when bad things happen you can ethier drowned in your own tears... or embrace that fact that you are entering into a whole different chapter of your life.... which is scary ... but can also be exciting depending on how you brand it.
I think people that have these types or parties or people who plan this parties for other people are really trying to rebrand the experience differently to better help those who go through it see the glass as still being 1/2 full.
I think I am in growing support of rebranding bad situations because we can't let them crush us... we need to enjoy as much of life as we can. There is only so much time any of us have to live regardless.
I live somewhere that is really cold for like 4 months of the year. I can hybernate, go out less during this time and complain about it or I dress in clothes that keep me warm and horrible as it may look and get out there still enjoy those for months as best as possible. On option cause me to be less satisfied with my life for 1/3 of it and the other option helps to gain back more of the possible life satisfaction I could have.
For some, it is something to celebrate, especially if it was a tumultuous split. For myself, no party necessary. It was amicable and I'm not a party person. I wasn't particularly sad, either. *shrug*
Deaths are generally a downer, too, and yet a wake can be downright festive in many cultures. Why shouldn't someone have a divorce party if they feel like marking it with a supportive social occasion?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I think it depends on how the marriage went. My moms most recent marriage ended, she was happy because it was short lived and dude did everything to drag the divorce out.
I would not be up for partying if I had a super long marriage end.
Deaths are generally a downer, too, and yet a wake can be downright festive in many cultures. Why shouldn't someone have a divorce party if they feel like marking it with a supportive social occasion?
My dad passed just a couple of days ago. He didn't want a church type service or a graveside. He wanted a "celebration of life" type of service, aka a party. He even paid for it ahead of time. I think it should be a hit. I still think in terms of divorce it's a sad thing and I'm not sure I could have a party over it, but if others can, fine, what does it matter to anyone else at the end of the day.
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