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Therapy can be helpful once in a while, but very often, it does more harm than good. At best, it wastes the patient's time and money, and lines the pockets of insurance companies. At worst, it retraumatizes the patient, and pushes him into unhealthy or dangerous behaviors to cope. That was my own experience with therapy. Not to mention the proverbial crevasse between the fully controlled world a full-grown adult lives in and the powerless world a 9-year-old kid lives in. Or someone who lucked out and found a non-controlling LTR vs. someone like the OP. It's like a expecting a 1%-er to understand the poverty a laid-off steelworker deals with. Granted, it was in the 90's, when Ritalin and naive platitudes were de rigeur, but still.
Because he has been unwilling or unable to make the changes himself.
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Therapy can be helpful once in a while, but very often, it does more harm than good. At best, it wastes the patient's time and money, and lines the pockets of insurance companies. At worst, it retraumatizes the patient, and pushes him into unhealthy or dangerous behaviors to cope. That was my own experience with therapy. Not to mention the proverbial crevasse between the fully controlled world a full-grown adult lives in and the powerless world a 9-year-old kid lives in. Or someone who lucked out and found a non-controlling LTR vs. someone like the OP. It's like a expecting a 1%-er to understand the poverty a laid-off steelworker deals with. Granted, it was in the 90's, when Ritalin and naive platitudes were de rigeur, but still.
I think the bolded says it all. Glad you managed to overcome the damage and live the full, happy, satisfying life you have now.
Therapy can be helpful once in a while, but very often, it does more harm than good. At best, it wastes the patient's time and money, and lines the pockets of insurance companies. At worst, it retraumatizes the patient, and pushes him into unhealthy or dangerous behaviors to cope. .
Not with a good, skilled therapist who knows how to avoid that. I'm sorry you got one who wasn't adequately trained. I hope you're ok now, M-U.
Therapy shouldn't do more harm than good. It shouldn't do any harm. If it isn't working out, the patient needs to seek a different therapist.
Therapy is the answer for the OP, because he had already written himself off as a loser by his mid-teens. He has accepted this label for himself, and seems to wear it like a badge, and has been doing so for over 20 years. Even when he had the opportunity for a moment of happiness in highschool, he pushed that person away, seemingly on purpose, so that he could continue justifying his negative view of himself. He didn't want his self-image to be challenged.
Therapy at that age would have been much better, but the OP, even then, was clinging to his badge, and wasn't interested in changing anything. Although it should be clear to anyone posting here that deep down, he does want to change things for the better, or he wouldn't have created this thread. The OP is a very confused and unhappy person. That's why therapy is the answer.
I have not read all the posts, but I'm sure there are many good suggestions about how to fix yourself, which you will probably ignore.
Let's assume you are not ever going to have a relationship. Let's assume you are not the most attractive man on the planet. Then what?
Go about being the best you that you can be. Find out what makes you happy, and do that. Maybe after you have grown into the best person you can be, you will find a woman who appreciates you.
People find partners even when they are boring and ugly. You only need to go to any mall and watch for awhile. The problem is not how you look, it is your attitude.
I have not read all the posts, but I'm sure there are many good suggestions about how to fix yourself, which you will probably ignore.
Let's assume you are not ever going to have a relationship. Let's assume you are not the most attractive man on the planet. Then what?
Go about being the best you that you can be. Find out what makes you happy, and do that. Maybe after you have grown into the best person you can be, you will find a woman who appreciates you.
People find partners even when they are boring and ugly. You only need to go to any mall and watch for awhile. The problem is not how you look, it is your attitude.
The OP already found a woman who appreciated him, in his last year of HS, but he pushed her away. He created his LOSER! badge, and he's not going to let any woman remove it. It's HIS badge, so HE's the one who gets to decide what to do with it. No sweet little thing sidling up to him and smiling can make him throw away his badge.
Go about being the best you that you can be. Find out what makes you happy, and do that.
This is the approach I favour. When you put all your time and energy into improving and fulfilling yourself, relationships cease to be a priority. As does fretting over what everyone else is supposedly doing and wondering if you measure up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts
Maybe after you have grown into the best person you can be, you will find a woman who appreciates you..
Or maybe he won't, and he'll be so busy doing his own thing that he won't notice or care. The most important relationship anyone can have is with the person in the mirror.
As did I at 50 and my wife at 48. No, it's never too late. It's a state of mind.
Yeah he missed out on many good years of his life, most of his prime years, yeah I guess the long and short of it it's because attraction is different for women than it is for men, hence that's why a female Eeyore can get a date or get a boyfriend but not the other way around
Yeah he missed out on many good years of his life, most of his prime years, yeah I guess the long and short of it it's because attraction is different for women than it is for men, hence that's why a female Eeyore can get a date or get a boyfriend but not the other way around
That's not really true at all.
I've been out and seen countless Eeyore looking men with girlfriends.
This is a complete misinterpretation that people make.
I've been out and seen countless Eeyore looking men with girlfriends.
This is a complete misinterpretation that people make.
I know it's not the point but I doubt you can think of any woman over 30 who has never had a boyfriend before, as for the other way around I'm sure you can think of plenty of guys in that boat
I know it's not the point but I doubt you can think of any woman over 30 who has never had a boyfriend before, as for the other way around I'm sure you can think of plenty of guys in that boat
Unless she WANTED to avoid dating for a specific reason. In general, a woman who really wants a boyfriend can easily get one with little or no effort.
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