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Old 01-08-2017, 09:38 AM
 
30 posts, read 20,097 times
Reputation: 10

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Yea, she will talk about it if I start the conversation but then it seems to get us into an argument. As far as therapy, she wont have it.

 
Old 01-08-2017, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,632,754 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by rixida View Post
As far as therapy, she wont have it.
Why not?

You know the old saying, "Marriage takes work?" You're kind of getting a late start.
 
Old 01-08-2017, 09:41 AM
 
30 posts, read 20,097 times
Reputation: 10
She is good with emotional stuff but I'm sorry, I might be selfish but I want sex too.
 
Old 01-08-2017, 09:44 AM
 
30 posts, read 20,097 times
Reputation: 10
She wont talk to strangers about our sex life. She wont even talk to her sister.
 
Old 01-08-2017, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,223,978 times
Reputation: 50368
Quote:
Originally Posted by rixida View Post
Maybe I have the terminology wrong but she had it all taken out 30 years ago. We've been married 33 yrs.
And you haven't had sex in 30 years? If that is truly the case then she won't just be able to at the drop of a hat...seriously - she'll need , for lack of a better term, some "stretching" done over likely weeks if not months if you've not been doing ANYTHING over that period of time. Now, if you're nice and play your cards right that could turn into some interesting foreplay. Or you could just be impatient and selfish and use that as another reason to have an affair, which you're already built your own case for.
 
Old 01-08-2017, 09:45 AM
 
217 posts, read 234,170 times
Reputation: 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by rixida View Post
She is good with emotional stuff but I'm sorry, I might be selfish but I want sex too.
I feel for you and your wife, but I've gone a lot longer without sex than you have. I'm 44 years old, never been married or in a serious relationship. And I don't believe in premarital sex. So you know what that means.
 
Old 01-08-2017, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,632,754 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by rixida View Post
She wont talk to strangers about our sex life. She wont even talk to her sister.
If she was like that before the surgery, then you will have to face the fact that that is who you married. If you guys don't do ANYTHING physical, you're basically sleeping in the bed you made, so to speak. You both let it get this way, and it will almost take an act of God to make it change at this point. I mean, this is a 33+ year problem. It won't get fixed overnight or with a little romantic talk.

Sex starts in the brain, and if her mind isn't into it, her physical organs have little to do with it.

If you tell her you have to do SOMETHING or you will go crazy, she will see it as an ultimatum and freak out. One way to phrase it is to say something like, "I miss being close to you..." and go from there.
 
Old 01-08-2017, 09:51 AM
 
Location: SoCal
20,160 posts, read 12,675,708 times
Reputation: 16993
I opened this thread because of the number of exclamation marks after the title. Why wait so long to deal with this.
 
Old 01-08-2017, 10:12 AM
 
37,467 posts, read 45,685,843 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rixida View Post
I am basically retired and I tend to think about wanting to have a closer relationship with her.
LOL. Guess you should have thought of that 30 years ago.

Seriously though - the surgery is not the reason there has been no sex. If it's been like that for 30+ years, just get a divorce. Nothing is changing at this point.
 
Old 01-08-2017, 10:13 AM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,541,074 times
Reputation: 17654
Quote:
Originally Posted by BluegrassGuy View Post
I feel for you and your wife, but I've gone a lot longer without sex than you have. I'm 44 years old, never been married or in a serious relationship. And I don't believe in premarital sex. So you know what that means.
I suppose it's different if you've had sex before and then you're not able to. I haven't had sex in 35 years, but I'm not going crazy wanting sex either because it's not like I've ever had any mind-blowing sex to reminisce about and miss. Taking care of my own needs works just fine for me...(hopefully you don't abstain from that as well?)
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