Friends before dating or become friends while dating?

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by MNTroy

So we developed a friendship while dating, but other people will decide to become friends first before they start to date.

When you met your Significant Other (SO). How did you meet? Were you friends before dating or did you become friends while dating

In 1991 I started work for a state department and was taken around to get the lay of the land in the headquarters and meet the people I would be working with. Among them was the secretary of the Office of Legislation. She was less than friendly and looked briefly at me like someone would look at a bug under a microscope. I was intrigued and found her attractive and somewhat exotic. However, being married I left it at that and soon realized that when it came to men she was the proverbial Ice Maiden.

Over the course of the next several years I found myself dragged unwillingly into the political and legislative arena, one that would shape my career for the next 20 years. The Ice Maiden and I often worked together on legislative issues and over time became innocent work friends, never seeing one another outside of work. Eventually she promoted to another, allied agency for which I often served as a policy consultant so we continued our friendship and worked together on occasion.

Meanwhile my wife of 25 years left me for another. For the next two years I live like a monk with no desire, whatsoever, for a social life. Finally, at age 50 I decided to try a bit and asked the Ice Maiden out. Not trusting men - she'd been divorced for 18 years and hadn't dated for 11 - she was apprehensive but accepted. By that time we'd been friends for five years and she trusted me. She was but two years younger than I was and despite many differences we had a lot in common. It just felt right. We quickly fell in love, married and have remained so for the past 20 years.

I'm a great believer in marrying one's friend. It's a good base upon which to build a strong relationship.

[stan4]

Originally Posted by ItsRick24

Tell that to the sap who does everything for the friend, hoping one day he/she will be recognized, only to have the "friend" treat them like a doormat! I've been there, many years ago, and boy, I've learned my lesson. Never again! If I'm not seen as relationship material, adios.

That's not sap behavior.
That's crap behavior.
*Pretending* friendship bc you're really lurking around waiting for hooha.
That's really sh***y.
Get what you deserve on that one.

[MNTroy]

Thank you to everyone who put in their thoughts and opinions in for my question

[Pyewackette]

I can't imagine dating a stranger, and I can't imagine dating someone I know with whom I am not friends. It's very strange to me.

However most of the men of my acquaintance back then (when I was still dating) were utterly creeped out by the idea of dating a female friend. Makes me wonder just what they had planned for a date that they wouldn't do to a friend.

Needless to say, the varying attitudes did not lead to many connections, LOL!

[animalcrazy]

John and I were never friends when we started dating. Actually he was one of my clients. I spent way longer then I should have with him on my business call one afternoon. We were strangers meeting for the first time alone in his apartment. The chemistry between us was off the charts. We had a whirlwind romance and married 9 months after we met. Is he my friend now? No he's my husband, my lover ( and what a lover ), my knight in shining armor, my companion, but not my friend. Friends are not that romantic in my universe. They're on a different level.