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Really?? Hmmm. I see them everywhere. Most of my friends don't have/want children.
I think that it may be the geographical area. Even though I am on the East Coast, I am in sort of a conservative town where it is commonplace for people to still be married to a childhood sweetheart and have a couple or three kids with them. Even those who are divorced have been initially married to said high-school sweetheart. Then there has been a balloon of people that have just had their first child in their late thirties/early forties. It may be different in some of the more metropolitan areas, but around here it seems like an anomaly.
I think that it may be the geographical area. Even though I am on the East Coast, I am in sort of a conservative town where it is commonplace for people to still be married to a childhood sweetheart and have a couple or three kids with them. Even those who are divorced have been initially married to said high-school sweetheart. Then there has been a balloon of people that have just had their first child in their late thirties/early forties. It may be different in some of the more metropolitan areas, but around here it seems like an anomaly.
That's the experience I made in VA as well.
West Coast seems different. Lots of (emotional unavailable) singles or unmarried couples.
West Coast seems different. Lots of (emotional unavailable) singles or unmarried couples.
Yes the West Coast is definitely a region where being child free isn't uncommon. Still very much minority to people having children but a normal part of life through Vancouver down to Seattle, San Francisco and Socal. I'm sad for the people who only see examples of married couples with a dozen children where they live, that would be tough.
Childless men encounter subtle discrimination in both personal and work settings.
There is an antiquated notion that in order to be a "real man" or a "truly grown up man" you need to have kids. Even if it means being a debt slave, marrying the wrong person, etc.
I think that it's easy to want things. I want a lot of things. But to really look at what you'd have to give up to get those things is a different story. Its my feeling...which may be incorrect, but if someone really wanted kids, they would have found a way to have them before they hit their mid 30s.
Speaking from the perspective of someone who really wanted kids, but wasn't ready for them until mid/upper thirties (and married somebody in the same boat when we were 37 and 41), it happens.
Things unfold when they unfold. Knowing you want kids someday, when you're, say, 27, is fine. But it doesn't magically put you in a financial position to have them, it doesn't put you in a relationship with a person where patenting is in the cards, it doesn't necessarily fit where you are in life. There are a lot of variables. Some people have kids, chips fall where they may. Some people hold off until life is where they want it.
I was actually pretty jazzed to meet a man who, despite being 40 when we met, wanted kids and hadn't previously had any. I hadn't anticipated meeting someone in the same boat as me, because it's not that common.
Childless men encounter subtle discrimination in both personal and work settings.
There is an antiquated notion that in order to be a "real man" or a "truly grown up man" you need to have kids. Even if it means being a debt slave, marrying the wrong person, etc.
"Take one for the team, bro!!!"
Eh. Screw the team. A real man IMO is one that can make the appropriate decisions for himself despite what society thinks, and own them.
I've heard people say that women weren't "real women" until they have had kids. But, then again, I've also heard that "real women" have meat on their bones. Which means I only became a woman in the last year when I went from a size 2 to a size 6, if that is even enough to qualify me. Silly criteria, eh?
I am 42 and don't have or want children. My bf is 45 and in the same boat. Most of the people that we know around our age either have children already or want to/are open to having them at some point. Every time we hear about another childfree person out there, we feel like we just met another unicorn.
I'm not childfree myself but I know a lot of people over 35 that are. I never thought it was a rare thing. Maybe I just happen to hang out with people without kids. I do like unicorns.
I'm 37 (or will be in March), and my twins are 18. I only started dating again about a year ago. I haven't noticed whether there were more guys my age that wanted children or not. I did date one that wanted children but not with someone who already had grown children so of course that relationship didn't last long. The guy I dated most recently has a 12 year old daughter and is paying child support so would prefer not to have any more children. I myself would probably prefer not having any more children at this point in my life, but I would certainly welcome another one if that happened.
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