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For those of us not wishing to indulge the video, can you at least provide some background to entice us further? Is there a point you would like to discuss?
A transcript of the talk for those at work who can't watch.
THANK YOU.
I like this part, when she's describing people who have a strong sense of love and belonging:
They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first ... the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees ... the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.
Also, the part about the risks of numbing your emotions in order to circumvent vulnerability.
I like this part, when she's describing people who have a strong sense of love and belonging:
They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first ... the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees ... the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.
Also, the part about the risks of numbing your emotions in order to circumvent vulnerability.
What resonates with me is this:
I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging -- and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.
This was a struggle for me long before I could name it. I would wear masks and achieve labels in the desire to achieve worthiness. Income. Motherhood. Interests. But *I was already worthy* and just did not accept it. Accepting it, owning it, allowing myself to BE myself (and allowing my partner(s)) to do the same has opened up actual intimacy in ways I had previously not imagined.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I read this with reservation but I could have been the subject of this article.
One thing I identify with is the vulnerability with just asking someone something. Growing up I was horrified to ask either one of my parents anything, not because I feared the word no, I feared an over the top reaction from my mother and being let down, again, by my father. I remember asking my father to do things with me, him agreeing, and then not delivering on his commitment. I remember asking my mom about topics and her freaking out and berating me because I wanted to get information. How do I get up a courage to ask a woman anything romantically when all I've known is getting berated or disappointed when I ask something?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,687 posts, read 41,585,069 times
Reputation: 41312
I have worked to be more assertive in being vulnerable and going for things and asking people for things I need. I'm still working on the dating aspect of this.
I read this with reservation but I could have been the subject of this article.
One thing I identify with is the vulnerability with just asking someone something. Growing up I was horrified to ask either one of my parents anything, not because I feared the word no, I feared an over the top reaction from my mother and being let down, again, by my father. I remember asking my father to do things with me, him agreeing, and then not delivering on his commitment. I remember asking my mom about topics and her freaking out and berating me because I wanted to get information. How do I get up a courage to ask a woman anything romantically when all I've known is getting berated or disappointed when I ask something?
I hope realize that it took courage, the kind the speaker is talking about, to post this.
could someone provide a two sentence synopsis regarding the overall point?
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