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You may be unreasonable. I don't know your situation so it is hard to tell.
Everyone who dates goes through heartaches big and small constantly.
That cute guy in class? He has a GF.
That guy I really like his personality at the coffee house? I'm not attracted to him.
The hunk I have been crushing on? He won't even talk to me.
Etc.
It's pretty much a universal truth. Do you feel you should be exempt from all that? It does sound like you are a late bloomer, so what we were dealing with in middle/high school, you are dealing with in college.
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OP, look to the benefits of being single. Continue to put yourself out there and mingle socially, but don't get disappointed in the results.
Location is huge too. Don't put yourself in a position where you are not around women you are interested in. That is currently my dilemma and it's not good. Need to get out of this god forsaken little area.
My advice to you is to stop looking at what you do not have. You've listed all of the negatives and impossibilities and mentioned depression. As is often the case, you are focusing on the wrong thing.
Once you become aware of all of your blessings, develop gratitude for all that you have and learn contentment, everything else will be a little easier. Currently, your focus on what you do not have, the problems with the number of people where you live etc, all of those things will only serve to make you feel lower, less energized, more depressed and in turn you will project an energy that keeps others away.
It's better to acknowledge the good and the bad and then work on being content. A relationship will solve nothing but take your time and efforts away from where they should be, self healing.
Focus on your studies and look into the counseling center at the university.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
It's nothing to deal with.
I live my daily life like always. Not having an S/O is not going to stop me from doing anything.
Questions like this are very odd to me.
It's like you're looking at single as being some sort of condition people just deal with.
It's not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
There is nothing to deal with, since its not a problem.
All of these posts have pretty much the same meaning, but why is it not a problem? Does not everyone have their instincts, emotional needs, etc?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
OP, why would you need a relationship in the next few months? Are you afraid to be alone? Going months, even years, without a relationship is perfectly normal. Develop some independence. You sound needy. That's one thing that is unattractive to the opposite sex.
Didn't you already have a thread on this topic a few weeks ago? If you're depressed, see the counseling center at your university. It's a free service. Your tuition pays for it. This is the only time in your entire life that you'll have access to free counseling.
I do not want to be alone, and I am quite independent in many of other aspects in life and I learnt not to expect anything from anyone, except for the desire to have a relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLind
I'm in a relationship now and I've been out of relationships too (Once for about three years). Take it from me being in or out of a relationship has no bearing on ones happiness or fulfillment. If you are depressed now, you will also be so in a relationship. If you were in a quick relationship you never settled down from the initial excitement so you didn't see it.
I'd say first get at the root of your depression or else it won't matter if you are in a relationship or not: you will be unhappy. And if you are in relationships you will end up hurting yourself more, hurting another person, and end up being frustrated.
You are a smart man (in school) with real passion about things (political things for example). You will ave a lot to offer once you work your way through this and get at the root of your depression. I wish you the best and I hope you find happiness.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nut4sweets
You will need to figure out what makes you happy, and just do it! The funny part is when you're happy being on your own, most people will also attract to you, and it will happen for you if you want to be in relationship again. Take your alone time to work on yourself. Think of it as a finetuning period, and enjoy it fully.
I heard that a lot.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
Do what you came here to do... that is to complete your degree, not to date, right?
And seek therapy on campus for your depression and rage issues.
You need to be confident in yourself and content.
As the quote goes: 'If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?'
I am doing well in my studies so far, but I should be able to enhance how I live instead of being isolated
Quote:
Originally Posted by geminigirl7
I'm single now, I might still be single next month, next year or even ten years from now but I don't sit around worrying about it all the time. I would like to be in a happy relationship again but it may or may not happen and that's true for everyone that's single.
Also, just because someone is in a relationship today doesn't mean they will be in one next week. No one is guaranteed a happy future (I learned this the hard way.) My point is, so you might not have a girlfriend in the near future or you might but you still have a life to live today. Focus on what's in front of you, do things you enjoy and remain hopeful.
I know it's not always that simple and sometimes therapy is needed to get to a positive place but a relationship isn't going to cure you of your depression either.
Thank you for that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
You may be unreasonable. I don't know your situation so it is hard to tell.
Everyone who dates goes through heartaches big and small constantly.
That cute guy in class? He has a GF.
That guy I really like his personality at the coffee house? I'm not attracted to him.
The hunk I have been crushing on? He won't even talk to me.
Etc.
It's pretty much a universal truth. Do you feel you should be exempt from all that? It does sound like you are a late bloomer, so what we were dealing with in middle/high school, you are dealing with in college.
Why do you believe that dating for women is difficult?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikelee81
OP, look to the benefits of being single. Continue to put yourself out there and mingle socially, but don't get disappointed in the results.
Location is huge too. Don't put yourself in a position where you are not around women you are interested in. That is currently my dilemma and it's not good. Need to get out of this god forsaken little area.
What are the advantages of being single?
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuestOfTruth
My advice to you is to stop looking at what you do not have. You've listed all of the negatives and impossibilities and mentioned depression. As is often the case, you are focusing on the wrong thing.
Once you become aware of all of your blessings, develop gratitude for all that you have and learn contentment, everything else will be a little easier. Currently, your focus on what you do not have, the problems with the number of people where you live etc, all of those things will only serve to make you feel lower, less energized, more depressed and in turn you will project an energy that keeps others away.
It's better to acknowledge the good and the bad and then work on being content. A relationship will solve nothing but take your time and efforts away from where they should be, self healing.
Really? You want to start with dating is hard for men, but not women?
OK. Won't argue, but know I now know one of the reasons you are single.
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And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Really? You want to start with dating is hard for men, but not women?
OK. Won't argue, but know I now know one of the reasons you are single.
Every time I talk about being single, you (general you) mention something that YOU do not like and refer to it as a reason! I have no problem mentioning the reasons why women get burnt and over and over again by writing what you do not want to read, and my writings would be nothing but replies to yours, so do not bait me already. Stop making it personal, please.
I did not say it is not hard for women. Just asking since gender difference in these things may actually make a difference.
Every time I talk about being single, you (general you) mention something that YOU do not like and refer to it as a reason! I have no problem mentioning the reasons why women get burnt and over and over again by writing what you do not want to read, and my writings would be nothing but replies to yours, so do not bait me already. Stop making it personal, please.
I did not say it is not hard for women. Just asking since gender difference in these things may actually make a difference.
It's not personal, for myself I never had much problem with dating. I was answering in the general.
How can you leave out your personality when wanting discuss relationship problems? Don't you think that plays a large role? For good or ill.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
This doesn't sound like a relationship issue as much as it does a personal one. It sounds like you're trying to fix what you know you lack by imposing your issues on to other people and expecting them to fill and fix thing for you.
OP is like a fish out of water.
He is - I am guessing here, based on name - Jordanian or Syrian, with cultural expectations that are different than ours.
Then, when coming to this country to study, he does not go to to large metropolitan area, where he may find like-minded people. He goes to Fargo ND. Quirky, out of the way, cold.... much different than he is used to. In fact, much different than a lot of America is used to!
I can see why he is having trouble....
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